Letters to the Editor
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Do Not Accomodate
You don't have to dump this friend, but do not accomodate his views or acquiesce in any way. Point out how stupid and foolish his views are every time he brings it up. He will either learn very quickly to never express those stupid views around you, or he will be the one to break off the friendship. I try to challenge that sort of racist talk whenever confronted by it, and sometimes it is difficult to do - it is no fun to tell an old person, coworker, friend, etc. that you don't want to hear their racist nonsense, and there have been times that I have just let it go for the sake of not disturbing the peace. However, each time I have done that I feel lousy about my weak self, and wish I'd challenged the racism on the spot.
Everyone who truly believes that views like your friends' are wrong and dangerous should challenge them at every opportunity. If you don't, you are reinforcing those views, and you are part of the problem. Every racist has a story to "justify" their opinions, but it is easy to point out how whatever bullshit story from their past can't possibly lead them to the conclusion that everyone with the same skin color as someone who offended them is just like the offender. Why should a racist get to spew his retarded views but somehow you (we) feel like we should keep our broader, inclusive, egalitarian views quiet in the face of such foolish hate?
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tolerating intolerance is what's causing progress to be so slow
Until white people refuse to accept crap like this from other white people, racism will never dissipate. You have to put your foot down and say "This is unacceptable" - *even when you don't have a personal stake in it*. Period.
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Ummm LW – don’t you have any other friends?
And by “other friends”, I mean friends of other racial/ethnic persuasions? Would you really wanted want to introduce them to this guy?
I have a close circle of friends. Jewish, Hindu, Buddhist, Wiccan, Asian… I’m an atheist. My sister’s a lesbian. Trust me, a guy like this, he’ll bad mouth blacks one day, and tomorrow go on about how he managed to “jew down” the price of a TV, or decry the gays for wanting “special rights”.
Frankly, being close friends with a racist is akin to being an ally.
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Simple Question
I might try to accelerate the tolerance discussion, gently, by asking an open-ended question: "How does a person think that and still believe in the Golden Rule?"
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i am you and you are me
if i were to dump every single person for every stupid, racist, ignorant thing they have ever said aloud, i would be all alone - sifting through all the stupid, racist,ignorant things floating around in my own head. all alone.
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White Hunter, Black Heart
I love the scene in Clint Eastwood's film where he confronts the beautiful woman he wants to sleep with at the dinner table after she makes a pro-hitler comment about Jews. "I've dined with some ugly goddamned bitches, but you my dear are the ugliest goddamned bitch I have ever dined with."
Stand up to it whenever you encounter it.
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Hypocrisy ... it's a bitch
You tell your racist friend that the behavior he is judging among minorities is due to culture rather than race, but you are blind to the very same thing in this man.
If I understand your letter, you live somwehere in northern Vermont, New Hampshire or Maine. So the chances that he has actually had any meaningful interactions with a minority throughout the course of his life are slim and none. Add to that the fact that he grew up with a father who sounds like a virulent racist and ... well ... what do you expect?
If things were reversed and this guy was an angry minority who lived in an urban environment all his life, we'd all be tripping over ourselves trying to show how we understand his feelings even though we disagree with them. But because he's a white male from New England, most of us here are doing the exact opposite.
Unless you just don't give a damn about the person, the most effective way to combat this kind of racism is through education. And since the LW and her husband have made the choice to be his friend prior to this, I think they need to try to help him see the error of his ways before dumping him. If they cannot do so, then by all means let him go. But given that his racism seems to be driven by culture and ignorance rather than innate hatred - and there is a huge difference - I'd see if I could turn him around first. He might surprise you.
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Breakfast and MURDER at Zulu Dawn
I once had a friend who sailed over the South Afican plains in a hot air balloon... One of those things most often placed on "100 Things You Must Do In a Lifetime" lists. It was beautiful, and when the balloon landed in a crash-and-drag huff in the midst of the Savanna, a breakfast with Champaigne was awaiting them.
Shortly thereafter, however, they were set upon by violent and angey Zulu Soliers, bearing spears, scythes, shields and a smattering of axes. My friend, and the entirety of his brigade was axed to death right there on Walters (Dakiim) Hill. It was 1899. Years later, I learned he had been a member of a British National Army, suppressing the indigenous people of the Southern Plains. He was wrong.
It is your turn to lash back. You must MURDER your friend. Take him, perhaps, on such a Balloon flight over the fields of lakes, Windmills and power plants, softly landing near a copse in which to deposit his remains. There, adorn your self in African masks and MURDER him. Set upon him in the most stereotypical fashion, shrieking and pounding your fists in the air as in a colonial era comic book. Then, stab your sword into his engorged gut, and MURDER him, and feast upon his soft white flesh, tearing him limb from limb in atavistic manner. Trust me, he will be scared crapless.
You must re-ingest his innards, to make him part of you and cleanse his foul imperial soul. For, only MURDER may abate the White Man's Burden.