Letters to the Editor
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Great answer!
I believe that Cary channels "A Course in Miracles" rhetoric sometimes. It is the Jesus meeting Jesus on the road to Damascus. No one is right or wrong.
I am married to a very liberal person. It is boring sometimes just to hear him wonder how anyone can behave a certain way. I know why. They are human with all of the startling things that happen to us on the way to death. Existence is final at some point and what we did on the way matters very little to the future.
Enjoy friendships. They are rare.
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Is dumping someone you disagree with your idea of "tolerance"?
Given that the exchange was uncomfortable, it's reasonable to assume that going forward all three of you will steer clear of the topic of the relative intelligence of various races.
But it should be noted that you are a flaming hypocrite for raving about how liberal and open minded and tolerant you are, when apparently you only extend tolerance to those you agree with . What kind of tolerance is that?
You'll probably think ME racist now, but here goes: another point is that I don't think there has been any definitive study that proves conclusively whether any particular race might be more or less intelligent than another. But it's reasonable to at least entertain the possibility that there could be a genetic factor at play in intelligence that could vary by race. For all I know, maybe Asians are smarter than I am. Until it is proved otherwise by definitive research I'm tolerant enough to leave the question open rather than to cave to political correctness and liberal guilt.
So get off your high horse and let your friend have his opinion even if you don't agree with it.
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Yeah, what they said!
I think AKA Smith and goeswithness have said, very well, what I've been thinking about this question. I feel the LW and hubby need to ask themselves if they can truly have a comfortable friendship with this person anymore, or will they constantly be worried about what he's going to say next.
I also think that by keeping a friendship with him they are fundamentally condoning his behavior, even though they say they disagree with him to his face, because his admission has not cost him anything. He has told obviously intelligent people what he thinks and is still standing. Where's the lesson in it for him?
I have ended friendships over this very thing, and over homophobia as well, and felt so much better about myself - for walking the walk, not just talking the talk. I split with one friend because I refused to ride in his truck that had a Confederate flag bumper sticker. He was just stunned, because no one had ever done that before. All I could say was that I must have more pride in myself than they did.
So make yourself proud and live your beliefs out loud. Life is too short to have stupid friends.
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Classism?
Could you be friends with Charles Murray (author of the book, The Bell Curve)? Would your friend vote for Colin Powell or Condoleezza Rice? Could you be friends with a neocon? How about white teens that are into Rap (which I consider awful).
The reason I mentioned Murray is that here is a guy making generalizations about characteristics of a population in a way that is at least theoretically testable, but that population just happens to be black, and the characteristic isn't particularly flattering. I don't think I would call him a racist and he seems like he would be fine as a neighbor or whatever.
You have known the guy a year and you just learned that he holds some racist views, even though you have had political discussions. So the guy isn't obsessed with race. And since it sounds like you don't have much of a black population, it is a pretty theoretical perspective.
However, he didn't pick up on the fact that however you feel, race is the third rail of American culture and some things you just don't say. This isn't a trivial thing, and is a valid reason for reconsidering friendship.
As for me, I draw the line at neocons. I'm old enough that I don't even have to think about rap music (if they still call it that). I generally skip politics when I am around conservatives, unless they are Ron Paulites. And also liberals that cheat on their taxes. I'm sure that I hold some racist views, although I wouldn't articulate them in public, but am voting for Barack.
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Cary's awesomest response ever
Cary went whole-hog on his response! That was Cary's most introspective, inside-out, perspective-widening answer ever!
Now to add my own lame thoughts:
I met a really beautiful woman once. We talked, we flirted, we had a beer. I made her a mix CD. She had a lovely, freckled moon-face, a multi-ethnic, lovely face that I wanted to see by the light of my bedside alarm clock, if you know what I mean.
She was a highly intelligent woman, a real witty conversationalist, and her ass looked fantastic in a pair of baggy jeans. She was (is) a PhD candidate in an advanced field of study. As far as I'm concerned that makes her smarter than I am.
And she is a racist.
I didn't find this out until we had been talking for quite a while. She's from the Deep South, although without much of an accent, and I've lived briefly in the Deep South as well. I made a joking, brief reference to the racism I noticed in day-to-day encounters, a racism I had never noticed in any other place I've lived.
Her response was sympathetic to the racists. Too sympathetic, if you know what I mean.
We never did date. That wasn't the only deal-breaker, but it was a big one.
Last time I saw her, among mutual friends, she had gotten a lot fatter, developing "pillow arms," which made me that much happier for having blown her off.
I'm not sure what my point is, except that sometimes people surprise you. Everything seems so right, and then you look a little closer, and the imperfections show. Some imperfections are acceptable, even charming -- and some are deal breakers.
A foxy, intelligent woman can fart around me all she likes. But if she's a racist asshole, then.....bye bye.
Anyway, I like what Cary said. We do take ourselves too seriously, and assume too much that we're above it all. I know I have some beliefs that are untenable and ugly. I've displayed a few of them here on Salon.
One belief I have is that we, here in America, have really blown it, and we almost deserve the spiral we're currently spinning down.
For one thing, we re-elected Bush in 2004. (Much to my lasting depression.) For that, the United States deserves a solid kick in the balls.
For another thing, we are a bunch of loathesome pigs for making SUVs profitable, buying up Humvees as status symbols, for making new Krispy Kreme openings an event that people line up their cars down the street for, and for various other signs of collective dumbshittery.
For these sins, the current implosion of our economy, with our dollar being devalued, jobs taken internally by Mexicans, externally by Indians, and manufacturing overtaken by toxic Chinese factories, is just the beginning of our punishment. Karma will not be kind to our Limbaugh-listening lame-asses.
But then, that's just me. I'm no saint. Just another cynical pile of biomatter doing my stimulus-response thing in front of my computer instead of using my time in a more productive and society-enhancing manner.