Letters to the Editor
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Skypillar
It is obvious that you have had personal experience with racism in people you are close with, but I'm not sure sanctimony works all that well on people who aren't as invested in the relationship as one's father is.
I think you should ask yourself several things:
1. Do you really believe, as you seem to, in "thought crimes?" Thinking something bad is tantamount to a harmful action? The LW's friend managed to go years without even tipping off the heightened racism-dar of the LW and husband so perhaps it isn't having all that much practical impact in any of their lives...
2. If the LW were to take any of the actions that you suggest, what would she accomplish except, perhaps for making HERSELF feel better? So she, by confronting him, manages to change his mind despite the more likely outcome of pissing him off and making him defensive--what then? The black person at the donut shop gets a tip regardless of whether he is a racist or not. He's not lynching people or burning crosses, so that won't stop. Perhaps the LW can feel more smug, but that doesn't really benefit society.
3. What has the 60's generation really wrought with sanctimony? Yes, women and minorities have significantly more rights--but that was obtained through changing legislation and taking practical steps. It didn't require eliminating racist thoughts. Coded racism still works in elections, though, and we seem to be able to consistently elect right-wing idiots despite (or perhaps because of) the preachiness of 60's idealists.
4. When it comes right down to it, how does the LW taking any of your suggested actions improve the lives of a single black person in any tangible way?
I suppose my point is that the LW and your discomfort may be impacted by getting the racists in your lives to shape up, but I really can't see the benefit to an actual minority. That's not to say that it wouldn't be good to have these racists change their attitudes, but practically speaking one should admit that the likely beneficiaries of their change of heart would primarily be the LW, her husband (and in your case, you).