Letters to the Editor
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Recovery is.....
Oh my, I had to read 52 letters before someone finally addressed the issue that the LW might have a problem herself. All I read indicated the continuing biases people still have about alcoholism and addiction and recovery from it. Especially those closest to it.
I have 25 years sober and clean come January 16th. Yea me! Yea everybody who helped. Although I was never a patient in one I have worked in those rehab centers and been an addiction counselor for 20 years. For those who do not want to go or do not think they need the help don't go there. Talking about how awful these places are indicates a few things to me. One thing is that perhaps you have never been a part of the healing that happens. Two, you were offered the opportunity and could not or would not accept it. Do you think these are reasons are rational evidence for slamming the people and institutions that are available? I don't.
I am not an apologist for capitalism but I will say that perhaps and even most certainly the owners and share holders of the institutions are there for profit, thats what capitalism is about. But there are so many thankless front line workers, the counselors, and nurses, aids and even some doctores who work their hearts out just to help those who's disease constantly tries to keep it's owner sick.
Further, drug/alcohol addiction and abuse (and there is a difference)is the symptom of underlying problems and the LW shared a classic story of underlying problems. Superficial imaging, impression management, deliberate unconsciousness(you didn't know she was lying all this time? Come on you can tell the whole story), unresolved emotional conflicts, blaming the significant other, unwillingness to explore self or the possiblitilty of a power greater then self, and delight that the "sicker than me" is gone. After eight years of marriage you might have felt relief that there was an answer but you turn away from a legitimate and powerful solution for yourself. I am not saying you should or should not leave the relationship. Although, eight years vs six months of trouble seems a little bit unweighed. I do question you looking for confirmation of your desire to leave your beloved to the opinion of non-professionals. I question your involvement in therapy. How long did you go? Why did you leave? What are you personally working on now that involves inner personal growth and that doesn't involve leaving your partner? Do you love being the good one, the one in control, and always able to handle anything? Is there any alcoholism in your ancestry? Why have you been so down on drugs and are so proud that you don't use the drug alcohol or other drugs? Is being competent and justified just a little too good?
I also ask you LW, how could you let your child hold the pain of loss of the other mom in silence? Are you as gleeful with the child that she is gone? I can't help but wonder why this child would not tell you how they feel? I have a hard time understanding your relationship to your child and very little patience with neglecting a child's heart. After eight years of marriage you only feel relief? Where is the grief? Where is the loss? Even after an unhappy nine year relationship I felt the loss down to my toes, for a lot of different reasons. Your situation seems rife with spiritual bankruptcy on both of your parts.
After Life-long spiritual exploration, many years of academic and personal study, ordinations and varying world religious communities I still hesitate to define what God is or isn't. I only have my experience as my most powerful guideline and from that alone I firmly and completely believe that there is something loving that functions in and as a part of my Life. And each day I celebrate it's spirit in all things.
I hope that you will take your opportunity to take a good look at your insides rather than making your outsides look "fairy tale". Perhaps your words are far more telling then you realize, yes? These opportunities do not come along like buses. Well, maybe like buses but not like trains. That is not when you want them or when you think your ready but when they are supposed to.
There, you just received many months/years of abridged therapeutic input for free. Wonder why I did that? If it isn't to hear myself talk or to make you angry or unhappy, and I can promise you that, or not because I am particularly fond of picking on the innocent, or waisting my time then why? Keep asking yourself that question. Please.
Carey, I bet you didn't realize that your response would trigger such a backlash against the recovery process in to-to? Perhaps it would be helpful to do some service work in one of those institutions, maybe a county run place? In my earlier recovery I was a part of the institution committee of my recovery group. I volunteered and took meetings to many types of places. It helped me remember that when someone wants help they will grab a hold of it with both hands regardless of where or how it is applied. If they don't, then my friend, they don't.
Blessings and Peace.
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in sickness and in health....
My partner is in recovery. He is sick. His addiction illness will be an issue that our entire family deasl with for the rest of our lives. That is, unless I decide that I don't want to have to carry this burden any longer. Believe me, there are days that I wish I never married or started a family with an alcoholic. But I did. I bore his children. Therefore, I remind myself of my vows -- to weather through in sickness and in health. Addiction is an illness.
Life is hard and complicated. His illness is not threatening my safety or that of our children. It's just emotionally draining and stressful. It requires extra time and energy, neither of which I have "extras" lying around. But if my children are to learn any values in life, I owe it to them to make the best possible attempt to honor the vows I made to their father.
I believe you may owe your child the same.