Letters to the Editor
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your attitude is inspiring
Dear Solitaire,
I have a lovely 5YO son, a great husband, a fabulous sister and her fiance, some terrific extended family on the husband's side (my own people are pretty sucky, so I avoid them), and we are on the verge of adopting a baby and possibly bringing her home on Christmas Day itself...so my holidays are filled with people, and I'm grateful for it. However, I completely understand your solitary contentment and applaud you for not succumbing to the kind of self-pity and fear so many people would harbor in your place. Forget your mother and her needling! Don't try to explain yourself or convince her you're okay, just keep saying, "Uh huh, uh huh, sure, right, I'm just so miserable, whatever." You're right to point out that she is merely projecting her own fears of solitude. Pity her quietly, and enjoy your Christmas. It sounds like a terrific day and frankly, those of us with tons of noise and activity around us might even be a bit jealous! (I would pay good money to have 12 daytime hours of nothing to do but watch movies alone and drink cocoa in my pjs...)
~Sandy Asirvatham, would-be hermit ;-)
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Thanks, LW!
I just want to thank the LW for writing (and Cary for posting) this letter. Due to death and divorce and relocation over the past several years, this is the first Christmas which I'll be spending more or less alone in a city full of strangers. The only person I'd really care to spend the holiday with is my lone sibling, but he lives a continent away and is trapped by an inflexible work-schedule and strapped finances.
At this point, I'm really looking forward to just chilling out, cooking a bunch of exotic food that I would never eat on a daily basis ordinarily, watching Holiday Inn and the Albert Finney musical version of "A Christmas Carol," and toasting the memories of my lost loved ones with several rum-and-Cokes. I've got a small Christmas tree up, and there are a few shipped gifts from other people under it. Sounds pretty good to me ... Besides, my cat is old and perhaps will not be around next Christmas, so it will be a good day to relax, do NOTHING (spending time with other people's families really is the worst, as many have said here!), and enjoy the opportunity for a little peace.
That said, I'm not far enough out in time from Christmases Past which were filled with large families, shouting, and banquet-like feasts to simply NOT think about them with a measure of regret at all, so it's nice to hear from people like the LW who are appreciating, as I mostly am, the genuine pleasures of an undemanding solo holiday.
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SAME HERE!
After spending one to many Christmases in an airport waiting for a flight to see the realtives I finaly figured it out.
I have a free will and I'm an adult, I do not have to do this to myself!
Yes, I do admit I'll do the quick drop off of presents and have the ,"early Christmas" dinner with the parents but I'll come home after and spend Christmas at my job(I work for an airline) then home with my furry friend. I'm looking forward to it! And Heaven forbid I'm Christian. I like taking break from the masses and revaltuing my life and what desires I plan to try and make come true the coming year.
LW you have done what most therapists and religious counslers have tried to teach others during this time of year and any Saturday you don't have plans. Give time to others less fortunate and take care of yourself.
I'll think of you while I drink my wine in "heavely peace"
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Count me in
Now in addition to enjoying my relaxing day off alone, I'll feel extra satisfaction thinking of all the other folks doing the same thing!
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incredibly jealous
My newly-married husband and I are traipsing all over the Midwest to spend time with various family this Christmas, all of whom are lovely and basically tolerable for 2-3 days at a stretch. Nevertheless, LW, after reading your letter and other readers' responses, all I want to do is sit at home with wine and popcorn. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas!
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The Jews have got it goin' on
Since I married into a Jewish family, my holiday routine has consisted of the following:
--Put out a few strings of lights and some candles for Hanukkah.
--Give our kid 8 *small* gifts for each night of Hanukkah (we got most of ours from the dollar rack at Target).
--Play the Levies' album of witty Hannukah music.
--Give our kid several large gifts for her birthday, which is December 28.
--Take our kid to a performance of the Nutcracker (she's crazy about ballerinas)
--Send out some secular holiday cards--and it doesn't matter whether we get them out late, because we couldn't care less whether they arrive before or after Christmas, or even well into January.
--Have my partner's relatives over for a small family birthday celebration sometime around December 28 (which often works out to be Christmas day). My parents are never around for this party because they're always in Indianapolis celebrating Christmas with my sister and her family.
When we first started these new traditions, I really thought I'd miss the whole Christmas thing. I'm surprised to learn that, truly, I don't. I like seeing pretty lights up during the long winter nights this time of year, but I'm perfectly happy admiring them from a distance. I don't miss having a Christmas tree in the house, I have a passing interest, at best, in Christmas carols, I certainly don't miss travelling during the holidays, and I don't miss the pandemonium of my family getting together. Also, I like that that the Hannukah gifts are small. Our daughter gets more enjoyment out of a roll of Curious George stickers than most kids get out of whatever overpriced electronic contraption is the "must-have" item for this Christmas season.
Indeed, the Jews know how to do Christmas.
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Anti-Social Christmas
You are entitled to spend Christmas day exactly as you like! Just take the chip off your shoulder, it is very easy to read the defensiveness between the lines of your letter.
One thing everyone should remember is that Christmas is only one day of the year despite retailers and the media who want us to "Celebrate the season." It's not a season, it's one day.
Have your anti-social Christmas, complete with a home cooked feast for one, and champagne by the fire, and enjoy it. It's a perfectly reasonable thing do do. Here's the thing I think you may be missing out on though:
There are people out there who are cold and hungry with nowhere to live. There are people in the hospital awaiting serious surgery with no one to visit them, and no one to go home to. There are foreign exchange students who are wishing they could afford the trip back to be with their kin. There are veterans in nursing homes and all their friends and family have gone and they are very lonely.
If there is anything valuable about the western Christmas extravaganza, it is those select moments when you observe and participate in the decency of the human race. Opening up your heart to someone who you know is going to be sad on Christmas. Spending some time talking with that lonely veteran who wants to share his memories. Shoveling the steps for that old lady who lives alone. Cooking that feast for the homeless street kids who have been kicked out of their parents houses for being gay (still happens). Why not take the opportunity to not only make yourself useful, but be a hero?
When moments like this happen, when people go out of their way to be generous and kind, you feel what I think is the real "spirit of Christmas."
We live in a very insular society. Modern day Christmas celebrations is the western world's awkward way of acknowledging our connections to everyone around us, our communality, our common human decency. Of course, if we didn't temper that with extravagant buying and spending, the rest of the world might suspect we were freakin' commies!
There will be someone who needs you this Christmas. If you can help them, or be with them, it will be a gift. Not for them, but for you.