Letters to the Editor
-
_Thank_ you, LW!!
It never ceases to amaze me how nuts--and outright tyrannical--people can get when others don't celebrate Christmas in Norman Rockwell fashion. God, one of the best Christmases I ever had was one I spent mostly alone. I had worked like crazy weeks before to put in overtime, get gifts for everyone, clean up the house, and do dishes for the family get-together at my aunt's place. (As well, I was seeing this guy I was interested in...but that's another story. :)) I had never missed a family Xmas dinner, ever; but by the time Xmas Day arrived, I was exhausted. There was no way I could spend most of the day with the family--I would have been cranky from lack of sleep and very poor company. So--I opted out...and you would have thought I'd slapped Santa and the Spirit of Family Togetherness in the face on national television. My dad and siblings gave me a real hard time ("But what are you going to eat?" As if we didn't have a batch of food at home and I would have starved to death. "But you'll miss seeing Aunt So-and-So and your cousins." As if I hadn't seen them in years and would never see them again, ever.) And my uncle actually called me from the dinner to chide me for not coming. I felt a bit of guilt for a few minutes--then I ordered some Chinese food, cracked out the new ghost story anthology Santa had brought me, and kept the iced holiday coffee flowing as well as a nice run of cheesy TV Xmas specials. I enjoyed every minute of it, got a much-needed rest...and was in excellent shape to see Aunt So-and-So when they came over two days later. Ever since then, I've gone on my merry way when it comes to celebrating--and have found out that if you are doing what makes you happy at Xmastime, you _are_ celebrating.
-
KayWWW, I'd give a million for an answer to that question, too...
>And I feel bad, because I don't want to hurt their feelings - but why do people get so worked up about this? I really don't get it. I've even lost a friend over this, she was so upset and hurt that I didn't want to go to Christmas at her house. It baffles me completely.<
Werd. People act like you've smacked them in the face when you turn down such invitations. Why _is_ that, exactly? If they want you to come so they can make you happy, why do they act as if you've insulted them when you want to do something that makes you happy? (Shoot, shouldn't they be glad to have one less person to clean up after and find things to do with?) One can only conclude that they are inviting you to fulfill their needs/ego, not because they really care about you. I have a friend whom I've quit talking to because she constantly tries to strong-arm me into visiting her. I haven't had the time or the money for a couple of years now, but derned if she doesn't pull out every weapon in the friendship armada (guilt, anger, whining, etc.) every time she calls to make me visit.
-
Dear LW,
I love being alone on Christmas! I am Jewish and was raised with the understanding that this simply was not our holiday. It was always a very matter-of-fact thing.
As a kid I sometimes spent the day with friends and their families, and as an adult I sometimes do, too. But I feel absolutely no pressure to do so, and this time of year I am always so grateful that this is not my holiday.
For me, there is nothing as delicious as the solitude when everyone Out There feels happily otherwise-occupied, and I am free to paint, or read in bed, or any activity with the peace of knowing the phone is not going to ring.
I will recommend to those of you out there who still need an activity and may not know: the Jewish version of Christmas -- a good movie and Chinese food afterward -- makes for a pretty fun day. Back in the day in New York City, it used to be a ritual that Woody Allen movies would open on Christmas day. (Am I hallucinating that or is it really true?)
all best wishes,
-
Krit-mah
LW, I share your disdain for the traditional aspect. The dogma is set and you "must obey because this is just how it is!" Meanwhile out on the roadways people are acting like nuts just rushing and frantic and psycho. Purchase more sparkly stuff! Fast! Faster!
To escape the anxiety of holiDAZE, I focus on all the people who keep things working and moving in my city. The teacher as an example: a tough job in most places, especially if you want to make changes. I'll send along anonymous gifts to the teacher maybe. I'll pay for someone's meal- maybe a stranger. Leave a big tip if the service was fun. I'll send out random messages to people I love, and put some music together for them. I don't think any of these 'gifts' has to be so huge and stunning.
How about just stopping to ask someone how they are, while looking into their eyes?
About being alone. The ONLY time I am alone is when my butt is perched in front of this monitor and I write. I crave it, I want it! So what you say about solitude resonates with me, but you must admit it is more interesting when you leave your home or invite other energies in. Maybe right now you just don't feel like being social. Maybe it's just an annoyance to have family members assuming you need something you do not. See, what you wrote makes sense!
There has been one constant in my life: at this time of year it is impossible not to feel suffering and death. The image of people I have known or those who influenced my life comes up, fierce. It's not tragic if they are gone, but it's a reminder. Don't take this for granted and reconnect with someone who matters to you. Being... is not for very long.
Use this time to reconnect with something that matters.
Peace to you.
e.m.