Letters to the Editor
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Questions about Christmas
Suicides spike at Christmas, so do calls to Ermergency Help Lines. Mass Behaviour always oppresses and disadvantages some people. I wonder if that's part of the pleasure for everyone else? They get to pity those who are alone, or different, or simply not like them. And the vigour with which some people take to churning out cards and presents and dotting every i and crossing every t of tradition is just extraordinary. What's firing them? I often wonder. Could it be schadenfreude? Or just the thrill of enforcing a mass ritual.
I don't pity anyone who gets their wish at Christmas.
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Do not pity me: I prefer solitude.
Somebody smart (I forget who) once said something like, "If you are lonely when you are alone you are in poor company." Like you I am an atheist and I have spent several Christmas Days alone - although I have wonderful parents an affordable plane flight away and good friends nearby. Even those who know me well profess themselves appalled at the thought of me sitting home "all alone". Most are genuinely concerned for my welfare and I suspect some are a little envious. In the end I think people fall into two groups: those who are content with their own company and those who prefer to be with others. The latter group may sadly never understand that such a day can be an absolute joy. All you can do is be gentle but firm. You cannot change how these people think. I am going to family this Christmas. It will be wonderful to see them, and to catch up with old friends, but I'm also very much looking forward to New Year's Eve on my own. Just me in my condo with the fireplace and lots of candles lit, some books, a bottle of good wine, some chocolate, my favourite jammies, and absolute delicious peace. Its great to know someone else understands. Solitaire, I hope you have a wonderful day in wonderful company!
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Me too, please
If I were in the letter writer's shoes, I'd be happy with the alone plans too. In fact, I have been alone for Christmas once myself (I booked an early return ticket to get away from what turned out to be an extremely toxic family environment). Despite the pleading of my family (who just before had been hurtling curses at me) not to break up the family at Christmas, once I got back to my cozy townhouse and got the fireplace going, it was one of the most relaxing Christmases I've ever had. Just me, a cat, a drink and some movies - just like the letter writer said. Merry Christmas!
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hello
to comment above,
suicides rising around holidays is an urban myth, which obviously is still alive and well.
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Well good for you and you'll probably have a fine time!
LW is absolutely correct that it is often really nice to enjoy one's own company..wear what one wants, watch what one wants, be quiet and the enjoy the company of our pets. A perfect holiday. The pressure to be with someone is part of our consumer crazy culture. Marketers want to sell us stuff to wear to win the loves of our lives..and of course we all want the loves of our lives..Don't we? So we'll buy stuff. It's the sappy consumer conspiracy that wants us all to be doing the family thing. I've done the Christmas and the Thanksgiving alone, but can't do it this year as I've got to take two planes to two different faraway places to see family who I really want to see. But it would also be really nice just to stay home with the dog and cat! Nothing wrong with you LW. I'm jealous.
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It's Christmas, Time To Torture The Single Folks
Solitaire, I feel your pain. I'm in the same situation. I'm single, and I don't have any family to spend the holidays with. That doesn't bother me - I enjoy having the freedom of a day to myself. But no one believes me when I tell them that. They're convinced that I must be desperately unhappy to be alone, and they MUST compel me to spend Christmas with them and their families.
In some ways, it's nice to know that people care about me enough to invite me, but honestly, spending Christmas with other people's relatives is not something I look forward to. No matter how nice they are, it's still like going to the cocktail party from hell, especially if you're an introvert who doesn't really enjoy spending the day with a bunch of strangers.
But most people just can't wrap their minds around this idea. No matter how politely I tell them "thank you, I really appreciate that you asked me, but no", they won't take no for an answer. They don't believe me when I say I'm happy to have a relaxed Christmas by myself. If I don't break down and agree to come, they are hurt. Or offended. Some of them even cry. And I feel bad, because I don't want to hurt their feelings - but why do people get so worked up about this? I really don't get it. I've even lost a friend over this, she was so upset and hurt that I didn't want to go to Christmas at her house. It baffles me completely.
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Hell is other people
Even though Cary professes to salute the LW's independence, he doesn't quite seem to buy that the LW truly is happy being alone. His response implies that it is only due to the LW's reduced (in his view) circumstances that being alone happens to be the lesser evil of the alternatives currently available to her. In my view, the "concern" people tend to express about friends and family who choose to be alone is too often nothing more than a disguised expression of their own anxiety about being alone. The "concerned" people are the ones to be pitied--always scrambling for something to do, someone to be with. The person who is content with her own company is truly better off.
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The truth about cats and moms.
I don't think Mom pesters you about your plans because she wants you to be miserable. I think she is heavily, heavily hinting that she wants you to come be with her for Christmas .
But anybody who has pets is not alone. I never felt more accompanied in my life than when I had my wonderful dog, may his sweet furry soul rest in snowy peace.