Letters to the Editor
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I only recently learned to love myself
We're all messed up because we were raised by imperfect people. Some of them are less perfect than others though, as it sounds like yours were.
My parents were typical Asian parents, pretty demanding, and while I was taken care of I definitely felt everything else was pretty conditional. Bring home six A's and a B, and it was always, What's up with that B? They tried to steer me away from things I liked to do, and they definitely let me know whenever something displeased them. Which today makes me a person who's secretly embarrassed by his hobbies and his true self and wants to let others know when they've displeased him.
But a couple of weeks ago in the middle of the night, during a multiple-times-hourly bout of self loathing and recrimination from my inner critic, I just answered back: "It's okay. You're okay." And a wave of acceptance and good feeling washed over me, because it may well have been the first time I'd allowed myself to feel compassion (and not pity) for myself, instead of the usual litany of "you should"s and "you're bad"s.
I try to answer my inner critic with that now whenever he pops up, and it seems to help. I had a couple of great days after that revelation, and while it's always a seesaw -- two good days, one bad one -- and never a straight-upward rocket ride to the moon, things are better than they were before. It's a slow process, for sure. But you have to do it for yourself, because you're worth it. And if I can learn to love myself after four-plus decades, then I know you can too.
Best of luck.