Letters to the Editor
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Don't get into conflicts with people who have nothing to lose
You'll lose either way, just common sense..
No you will never collect any court judgements and just waste your time..
If you try to provoke a fight and don't actually know how to fight, then you will also get your ass kicked.
If you're certified mechanic with a regular mechanic's job and $300 in parts is a make-or-break financial situation, you've got much more serious problems than your next your neighbor..
Get your financial house in order, tell your fiancee to start pulling her weight financially and move to a better neighborhood.
Learn some martial arts (kickboxing and jiu-jitsu are good) so next time you can stand up for yourself more credibly from a physical point of view. Carry a small weapon on your keychain that can be used if you do get into a fight with someone much bigger and it's not going well.
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one last thing
Favors are free.
Do not ever do anyone a favor and expect to be paid for it. If you lend your best friend five hundred bucks so he can make the rent, consider it a gift, and be pleasantly surprised when he pays you back. If you can't afford to do it as a gift, don't do it.
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It Takes a Village to raise a good mechanic
Cary,
I liked your advice and, in the spirit of the Holidays, I want to help this guy.
Is there a way to send him some cash??
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"Pockets of peace"
"I often wonder how the world would be if we approached each interaction, especially each difficult and conflict-ridden interaction, as an opportunity to practice a spirit of brotherhood, even to the point of personal sacrifice. In doing so I imagine that we could bring little pockets of peace into the world. I think about these little pockets of peace. I wonder if they could grow. I think about how it might be if thousands and thousands of these little pockets of peace eventually grew so that most of our society reached the consensus that peaceful interaction and peaceful resolution were the norm, to the point that it would seem exceedingly odd, almost insane, for anyone to suggest that the payment of a debt must be coerced. "
I often wonder this very same thing. This, truly, is how we produce peace on earth.
I have lived with bullies too. Unfortunately, the more ugly the behavior, the more they get away with. However, I have never lost my integrity, and while I was forced to relocate in my case, I now live in a far sweeter environment with good neighbors, peaceful atmosphere and kindness around me. The bullies got what they wanted, but I think it is bittersweet. They are not happy.
Right on, Cary, with your advice to this 29 yr old Euro car auto technician.
One more thing, perhaps the LW should have the name and number ready of a car repair shop should this unreasonable neighbor call him again for an emergency car repair service. One should be reasonably prepared that the car will break down again in a matter of time.
Rather than say he cannot do it himself, by offering the name and number of an alternate service, the LW may gracefully and civilly remove himself from a repeated burden.
Also a consideration - could a consultation with neighbors help to solve this nasty problem?
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LIfe in the hood
There are rules to living and fixing cars in the hood (it seemed that there were a huge amount of home shops when I lived in the ghetto.
Rule No. 1- OWN A GUN, and have it nearby when dealing with people who are unstable. Yes, the gun control leftists won't like this one, but it works, and it is reality in poor areas. When you have psycho ex-cons for neighbors, you need a gun. When you have crackheads who try to enter the wrong house at 3, you need a gun. If you call the cops, you might be dead before they get there.
Rule No. 2: DO NOT COUNT ON THE COPS! They have better things to do than help you deal with this guy over an illegal debt. (Exception being small towns where they are bored. They will help you, then turn you in to the IRS.) Yes, illegal, because you did not give him an estimate and you are not licensed. Going to small claims court and getting anything will tip off the IRS, and they LOVE nailing unlicensed backyard shops that don't report income or charge tax.
Rule No. 3. THE CAR OWNER BUYS THE PARTS AND BRINGS THEM TO YOU. You never front the parts. EVER.
Rule No. 4. LEARN TO LIE. This requires you to think like him. It's good practice for business.
RUle No. 5. YOU WILL NEVER SEE THAT MONEY. Let it go.
Rule No. 6. THEY DON'T GET THE CAR UNTIL YOU ARE PAID.
Rule No. 7. GET TWO VIDEO CAMERAS. Turn one on the street in front of your house, the other on the property. That way if the kid DOES do more damage, you will have proof. Cameras deter vandalism- those kids are looking for easy targets. A sign saying the cameras are monitored from off property is even better.
Take a free class at the SBA or at the local community college on writing business plans and loans. That way, you'll never have to deal with this again.
If you call the cops or CPS, he will retaliate. I guarantee it. Tipping off his parole officer might work, if they were not overburdened.
I find the naive faith people here have in urban police to resolve this kind of stuff hilarious. Sometimes they can. Often, they can't or won't until someone is hurt (again, small towns are the exception). In my experience, you write this stuff off. Everyone in the neighborhood knows he stiffed you anyway- they heard (or heard about) that fight.
The parole officer is a different story. The PO has powers the police do not. POs can enter an ex-con's house without a supeona, for example. This dude is one false claim from returning to prison, and he is not smart enough to know it.
Call the PO. You can complain anonymously. The PO will get him to move.
If he threatens to hit you again, smile and say "You'll go back to prison." He won't hit you. If he was that crazy, he would have hit you the first time. He'll back off so fast your head will spin. You don't have to lay low. You don't have to be afraid. But you do need to know how to deal with predators, and this guy is a predator.
I would suggest moving.