Letters to the Editor
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An awkward situation
I can only make a couple of points.
1. Courts exist for exactly this situation - to avoid confrontation in person. Presumably you have records of buying the car parts -- the court will accept that they did not miraculously install themselves and there are guides for garages saying how much labor is involved in making various repairs. How did the car get to your garage -- there was a tow-truck no? That should be solid enough evidence for you to attach to a claim made in small claims court. It is not a he said/she said situation. If no price was agreed you can make a claim in what is called quantum meruit for the value of the services provided, which by the way would be what he would have had to pay a garage.
2. I also assume you can prove that his son did the damage at issue.
3. There is no point in going to him directly about this, he has demonstrated that. You need to decide whether to file a claim.
4. You mention that he is an "ex-con." The chances are he is out on parole -- if he had a sentence of more than 2-5 years that is very likely. Making threats of physical violence to a neighbor violates that parole. Will he go straight back to jail, probably not. But he will get a warning from his parole officer, and if the behavior is ongoing, and enough people complain, well back to jail he will likely go.
I would be very clear with him -- you will call the cops if there are any threats; if he is on parole call the parole board and ask for the appropriate parole officer.
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There are basic rules to running a business.
Always, always, always, when making an agreement with someone, do it in writing. It doesn't have to be legalese for this sort of thing, it just has to be understandable.
The money you have lost here, is not so serious. It won't put you under, just learn from your mistake.
Now onto Cary's advice. The guy is a bully, this is not about the money this is about the ex-con asserting his dominance over you.
By going Cary's "peaceful resolution" route, you are essentially pulling your pants down, bending over and begging him to rape you repeatedly. Don't follow Cary's advice.
Instead write the money off. Bad debts are common. When his car breaks down again, take it in and fix it, this time getting him to sign the quote. Then keep ahold of the car right up until he pays up on his debt.
He gets violent or does anything to your stuff, call the cops on him. He has a record, let him know just how much power that gives you, a guy with a clean record, over him.
If he gets threatening point out to him just where the cops would look first. He touches you, he goes back behind bars and guess where his kid ends up?
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Fear
LW is a nice normal person and he is, not surprisingly, afraid of his neighbor. This is what is driving his earnest desire to confront the lout face to face, though since LW is a good citizen he wants a peaceful confrontation. A successful coming-to-terms would assuage the feelings of inadequacy created by LW's perfectly normal fear.
In a situation like this it's important to consider the source of the problem; namely an anti-social loser who is not amenable to sweet reason or fairness. LW won't get his money back, barring a St. Paul moment for the oaf. LW should realize that the majority of people are on his side, and withdraw the hem of his garment from any contact with the neighbor. Then, any further anti-social behavior will be free of any provocation by LW, intended or not. This makes it much easier to complain officially.
So withdraw, LW, and immediately enlist your natural allies - authorities and neighbors - if there is ANY further trouble. You will be on much firmer ground if you don't go out on an attempted reconciliation limb. As many letters correctly state, you can't have a successful negotiation one-on-one with this man. Since you are a good citizen, don't feel bad that scum next door cause you disquiet. It doesn't mean you are a weakling because you are less violent and selfish than he. Ostracize him!
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sociopaths don't change
hey lW, get yourself a copy of "the sociopath next door." you'll be able to identify this type of wacko before they can piss all over your tree. And NEVER EVER EVER conduct business in such a irresponsible way. Remember the 7 P's
PROPER PRIOR PLANNING PREVENTS PISS POOR PRODUCTION.
chalk this one up to a bad experience based on bad decision making skills. next, put up a fence and keep your pets off the street and 911 on your speed dial.
good luck and happy holidays
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Bad Advice
That is the worst advice I've ever seen. The writers on here have given you all the right info - write this debt off as a learning experience, and don't do work for free anymore unless you are prepared (with the forms and how to go about it) to file a mechanic's lien on any vehicle you work on.
Next time, don't help this guy. If his son does any more vandalism, call the police. If he threatens to kick your ass for trying to collect a debt, call the police. In most states that is a crime ("intimidation").
If you don't want him to think you are a pussy, have part of Cary's conversation with him, but tell him that he is a piece of shit you don't want to speak to anymore and you are not going to try to collect the debt anymore because you think he is a pathetic loser.
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You can't. Now let's figure out how you don't get killed.
Good heavens, Cary, "reconciliation"? Maybe when the guy is on the other side of a locked door with an armed guard on LW's side. And even then I wouldn't turn my back.
This is not about money, this is about safety. I agree with other commenters who suggest enlisting neighbors' support, documentation, a anonymous call to social services and a trip to the local cops. And I'm sorry, LW, but there's a high likelihood you're going to have to move, unless things work out that you can get Mr. Nasty evicted or sent back to prison.
I'm all in favor of treating people with kindness and respect and expecting the best from them. I'm even in favor of loving this guy and praying for him. What I'm not in favor of is taking foolish risks with one's life and the life of another (LW's fiancee).
It actually doesn't matter much that the neighbor is an ex-con (although investigation of parole violations might be helpful). All we have to know is that his recent actions are frightening. LW needs to protect himself, his fiancee, and his property. The dough -- a drop in the bucket. You can make more money. You can't get your life back.