Letters to the Editor
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It was very brief.
Thank you for that!
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existential
Several people, including Mr. Tennis, have observed that "normal" people may have onerous responsibilities like caring for a grandparent or meeting a mortgage payment or caring for a loved one with cancer.
This is the human condition, if one is kind. Do not forget that existential artists also deal with such matters. In addition, however, they are unable to concur with, and therefore unable to take comfort from the routine observances. They must construct their own myths, and this is a serious additional difficulty.
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What was up "with the" random quotation "marks" in this letter?
It's what posers do to show condescention for someone else's expressions
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Cut her just a little slack
Come on, deep down we ALL feel like nobody understands us. We all crave a "soul mate," someone who will love us for our unique and quirky and individual snowflake selves.
The way to feel a little less lonely is to realize that everyone else feels this way too. We're still unique and special, but feeling like "nobody understands me!" is not a unique feeling -- and that's comforting.
What do we do? We try to connect to people. We try to show we understand them, we love them for who they are.
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Case of "The Twenties"
The LW is an adult, but she is going through "The Twenties." Let me explain.
"The Twenties" (okay, MY twenties) tends to be a period of post adolescent angst. From the ages of 20-28 I had this feeling of trying to figure out who I was, my purpose in life, and how to relate to other people. In short, being in that age group was a tad painful. LW, hang in there. You're still trying to figure it all out, so don't question yourself so much. By the time you hit 30, everything will fall into place, you'll feel refreshed and at peace with yourself and others. It will be like waking up from a decade of (nightmare filled) sleep, and it will just get better from there. At 37 I'm well aware of people (men especially) not "getting" me, but so what? I am who I am, and I'm quite happy with that now.
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Cary's advice was finally right today
The LW sounds like a self-absorbed brat who hasn't yet had to pay her own way in the world, and certainly hasn't had to take on responsibility for anyone else's well-being and security in the world.
Some people outgrow this hipper-than-thou crap, and others don't, and just grow stranger and more self-absorbed as time goes by. Artists are supposed to live outside the norm, anyhow, so they can cast a critical eye upon the society in which they live.
So, LW/Existential Artist-- either embrace your strangeness and let it continue to inform your art, or change your ways of thinking and start painting pictures of beautiful little snow-covered cabins with pretty yellow lights shining through the windows.
Or, find a middle ground by which you can continue to make your existential art and accept that maybe your views are just a choice among many valid choices, neither superior nor inferior to the general zeitgeist of your time.
Be glad you live in a free society that doesn't banish all the weirdos to labor camps.
If you are lonely but can't tolerate the masses, why not volunteer some of your time working with the poor or the insane. These are the people hanging on by a thread at the tattered margins of society, and they probably could use your help.
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Yeah, I have the same problem...
Dear Cary:
I'm overly tattooed, ridiculously pierced, and unemployed. I love to wear the most "out there" costumes, usually consisting of a ratty t-shirt and dark jeans, to set myself apart (aren't I the "wild" trendsetter?). I do virtually nothing productive but hang around in coffee shops deep into the night, looking down my nose at "normals." You know, the kind of folk who work actual jobs, raise families, make something of themselves and who are perfect marks for my panhandling ways.
I, in short, am an existential artist.
Sometimes though, in my deepest "existential" maunderings, I wonder if I'll ever fit in with "normals" and why I can't seem to do so.
Cary, short of becoming a lot less self-absorbed and getting a steady job, is there any hope for me? Or will I continue to be just too avant garde for the room?
Signed
Just Like Van Gogh, But Without All That Messy Talent
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????????????????????
Gimme back my bandwidth.
This was undoubtedly the absolutely greatest waste of time and bandwidth since the inception of the internet.
Damn, what drivel.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
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And another thing...
It occured to me, Radiohead makes extremely depressing music which amplifies feelings of strangeness, alienation and depression in the listener. It can be beautiful and complex, but I usually want to kill myself after hearing it.
If this is the LW's favorite band, no wonder she is trapped in a state of suspended alienation.
I would further advise the LW to put on a Wiggles CD, or search YouTube for some classic Sesame Street clips. Toddler music is ALWAYS cheerful. It is all about the simple pleasures and peculiarities of life, like brushing one's teeth or sneezing on a meatball. Toddler music will lift your mood and help you see the world a little differently.
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easy to be unsympathetic
This letter begs for a lack of sympathy from the reader. It really does. I've having to fight being unsympathetic as a purely reflex response to the letter writer being such a, well, my mother used to call people like her "pills." The letter writer is a pill.
Like everyone else reading the letter, I find myself asking: am I hip enough for her? I'm pretty damn hip, frankly, so hip that I've had teenagers in video stores ask for my autograph. On the other hand, I hate Radiohead. So do I qualify as her sort of people? Do I "get her"? (Hint: avoid the thing with the quotes unless you are imitating Dr. Evil or you're referring to the word as a word.)
Telling other people they may or may not be good enough for you isn't an easy way to make friends. It tends to provoke most people into saying, "Hey, maybe you're not good enough for me, ever think of that? Huh?"
Nevertheless, once I squelch my reflex response to this letter, I find that I do have some sympathy. Well, maybe a lot of sympathy. I have a secret snob living inside me too. Well, maybe not so secret.
So, in answer to the questions:
1) A lot of this stuff is bullshit. Wear comfortable socks if that's your priority. Be aware that some people have different priorities, and actually prefer slinky heels with ankle-straps. Those people aren't faking it just because they put effort into something you don't care about; it's just that they care about something you don't.
2) It's okay to date the normals, but don't repress your personality to do it. It's possible to repress your personality in public situations. Doing it in private for any length of time is soul-killing.
3) You are an introvert. Tell the extroverts to buzz off when they say you aren't socializing enough. You aren't socializing because you are busy doing other things. People who don't have any sort of inner life assume you are spending your time by yourself doing what they would do if they were forced to spend time alone - that is to say, nothing. When you realize this, it may help you understand why people are pushing you. They are sad for you because they have mistaken assumptions about who you are and why you don't like the things they like.
4) Yes, you're missing something. However, you won't find it by "getting out there," because the people you want to meet aren't "out there" any more than you are. Go places you love and do things you love and eventually you will end up with the people you love.
5) It's probably a good thing most people aren't existential artists. Outside of an Ayn Rand novel, if everyone insisted on doing nothing but making original contributions to society, not very much would get done. Many original things are original because no one else has tried them because they're honestly not such a great idea after all. Many things that must get done on a regular basis for people to live happily are not original at all. Letter writer, tell me truthfully: have you ever borrowed money from a "normal"? Ever had one pay your bills while you were growing up? Ever bought a product made by one? Eaten a meal cooked by one? All things considered, you are probably not a very useful person to others. Many others are very useful to you. If you are honest and honorable about your place in the world, you will feel some respect for those others, even if you never feel a desire to become one of them.