Letters to the Editor
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Bravo, John Anderson!
Well said. Any further comment would be like painting a mustache on the Mona Lisa.
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There's more to peple than their work clothes
You sound bored. I guess existential originality isnt all that entertaining even to you, because if it were you could find plenty of other people just like you that you could be happy with. They're everywhere. I'll point you to the bars they all hang out at together, in droves, in my town.
But people don't really push relationships universally. People talking to you probably do, because you sound lonely and like you want to date people. They're trying to be helpful. If you don't want that, well make up your mind, lady.
Finally, I think the pressure you feel at not being allowed to be yourself, is coming from within you the most. You're growing up and out of your previous (pretty shallow) worldview. A part of you wants to be like the normals and you're repressing it. Its understandable, because giving in to realizing that you can be both normal and original part-time will require you to eat a hell of a lot of crow, more-so than for others who don't dismiss people so heavily. But if you don't give in you'll be guilty anyway, for repressing who you are. You said it yourself. A part of you wants to start doing the normal stuff. You'll be very untrue to yourself if you don't explore it.
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you're not allowed to get this cranky till you're 50
LW? You aren't that original. A seriously original person would never consider writing to Cary or any other advice columnist on any subject, never mind this one. I mean that literally: The thought would never enter their mind.
You want original? Talk to a schizophrenic.
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amen, john anderson, LW was the barista who looked a tad irritated this morning when I ordered my unoriginal mocha latte to take into my office at the university where I teach others of her sort
An unoriginal mocha, instead of -- like -- the chai or organic green tea or you know, like, something, like original (SIGH).
You know, something original, like claiming you are "existential" (has she *really* studied Sartre? Or more than two Kafka short stories?)
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Move to a big city.
EA, move to a big, diverse city: LA, SF, Chi, NY. You're much more likely to find people who get you and a comfortable niche.
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Let's give it a shot here
Plenty of people complain that no one "understands" them or wants to know them or would save them from a burning building.
So what does one do about those who don't want to be understood? (Or known? Or saved?)
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Nothing new under the sun
You are only about the 40,000,000,000th person to feel like a stranger in this world. If it makes you feel any better, the bottom line is nobody really "gets" anybody.
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If you're really an existentialist ...
... you may perhaps be familiar with Nietzsche's idea of "eternal return." That is, everything that will happen has already happened and will keep happening over and over again. The only experience we have of originality and uniqueness is in the immediacy of the present moment. As soon as you've started positing any objective good (or truth, or coolness, or rockitude), you've gotten out of the present moment and you're just repeating what millions of others have said, thought, done, millions and millions of times before and millions and millions of times after you. The only way to be really unique is to stop it with the self-consciousness and try to just be authentically yourself and appreciate others around you for their authentic selves as they present themselves to your awareness in the here and now.
I think Nietzsche and his ilk might consider your need to be original and different a form of nihilism and exactly the opposite of what existential philosophy is all about. What too many people don't get about existentialism is that it is not about the super special original loner who gets it when nobody else does. No one is alone in that sense of being utterly unique. What it is about is the quality of loneliness and meaninglessness that pervades all of our lives and that we all struggle with. Think about the possibility for you and for your relationships with other people, if instead of thinking of your experience as an "existential artist" in terms of your unique specialness you instead try to find what is common in your experience and the experiences of the people around you. You might find that there is much more truth, profundity, and art in such a connection than in any and everything that you think sets you apart.
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I am begging you
NOT to move to New York. Every six weeks a new crop of "original" people move to the city. You see them walking down the street as if they are secretly on camera and everyone else is just an extra in their movie. And the movie is called "I Told Them Back In Ohio They'd Be Sorry."
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You're not alone
Your sense of yourself is a classic battle fought until one dies. Enjoy the discomfort, the life, and the montage. It's short, the thread haunts us, then, one day without notice, it's gone.
CT has it down...compassion, doubt, and restlessness in thought...that's it, you're there already.
Why do you think that humankind invented roller coasters?
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My first reaction to this letter...
was, "Christ, what an asshole," but after reading other people's responses, I don't think the LW deserves the amount of shit she's getting from people. Sure, her problem is a self-indulgent one, but isn't the mid-20's a time for self-indulgence? I'm sure most people here went through something similar, though maybe not as publicly or pretentiously. Her problem really just seems like the basic quarter life crisis.
I think the most important thing the LW can do is lighten up. Only one percent of the population is truly, truly original, whether they are artists, designers, club kids, musicians, whatever. My guess would be that you are not part of that one percent, which is fine, as long as you don't overestimate your originality. But most people are interesting; most people have foibles and idiosyncrasies that you don't see upon first glance. You are probably interesting in your own ways, not just because you have messy hair and wear white socks with dress pants; in fact, that is probably what is least interesting about you. So give the people you meet a fair chance; you may just be pleasantly surprised.