Letters to the Editor
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"normal" people
I live in a part of the country where a lot of people initially struck me as very square and conservative and snooty. What's been interesting over the years is gradually getting to know many of these people, I have discovered they are actually just as complicated and interesting as the artsy bohemian friends I had in college. They aren't camping at music festivals or sitting on a hill eating mushrooms and looking at the stars or painting strange designs on their cars, but beyond the khaki pants and neatly coiffed hairdos I've discovered many of them are very creative: writers, painters, photographers, jewelry makers, dancers, poets... it's just that now, being middle aged, they do those things for a living, and meet with clients, and hold down jobs and have bills to pay, and so they put aside the outward "look at me, I'm creative" decoration, and focus on doing their work well and with discipline. And also, even the ones who have little in common with me are still interesting - it is actually interesting to observe and understand a man's obsession with his fancy car, or the decision making process that goes into choosing the right style of wooden fence to put in front of the house. I feel like an anthropologist at times, observing a strange tribe. These are not things I've ever pondered in that way. And I can listen and converse about these subjects without rolling my inner eye or disparaging their habits. These are some of the people that make up our world, and their ways are quite fascinating, if you take the time to listen and observe!! Then you can go home, roll up your sleeves, and do your own thing. There's nothing to fear!
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"How can I go on living in a world where people are so unoriginal?"
Get that "I'm so amazing, everyone else sucks" chip off your shoulder before you spend the rest of your life alone.
I'm betting you don't get to know the people your judging and you've probably judged yourself far to favorably, indicating you probably don't know yourself that well either.
I find the most common mistake people who're smart make is not in overestimating their own intelligence, but in underestimating everyone else's and it usually bites em in the ass.
If you don't like the people in your current circles of acquaintances, go look elsewhere.
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There is nothing wrong with wanting to be alone
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to spend the bulk of one's time alone. If the LW is actually supporting herself through art then she may be trapped. Artists need to be able to deal with their adoring public, or the people who commission their work. Some artists are able to hide behind a nom de plume and some artist die of drug overdoses.
However, it was unclear whether the LW is an artist in profession. She talks about not wanting to conform to wearing lipstick or wearing white socks. This sounds like a more traditional office, social work, finance, perhaps an ad agency. A science or engineering firm would not have people commenting on your appearance unless you were part of the sales/marketing force.
It is totally fine if the LW wants to stay home alone or go hiking alone or listen to music alone. These are fine and dandy things. If the LW actually wants community then she needs to get a new job where people won't harass her for her appearance and perhaps move to a big city where there are more folks with her preferences.
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I find myself dismissive of everyone who doesn't meet a certain criterion of originality or truth.
Wow...I think I bought coffee from you today.
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Does this idiot have any clue how profoundly unoriginal HE is? Who wants to bet he's a vegan and looks like Moby and shops at Whole Foods?
Is he still in grad school? What a thoroughly irritating little gnat of a letter, written by an idiotic, ragingly immature creep who fancies his little meaningless creations "original" and who no doubt shops at Whole Foods and eats a vegan diet and wears the de rigeur "original existential artist wardrobe."
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substitute "she" for "he" in previous post -- I was so irritated I was remembering a guy from grad school who ended up working at whole foods
and is still there, ten years later. But he is an ARTIST!
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Grammar question
What was up "with the" random quotation "marks" in this letter?
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It's not that people don't get you....It's that you don't really like people
It's called being a loner, and, come on, if you were really looking to make a connection of any kind with others, be it romantic or friendly, you'd realize that originality is an arcane and imaginary concept that even the best art never really captures. You like being by yourself and contemplating your own originality, no matter how impossible, and inviting others "to get it" would simply expose you to the possibility that you might not have any. No matter how you dress, no matter what socks you wear, no matter what colors you combine on what canvas or what words on what paper...It's all been done before. Taping the word existential onto your art just makes it some silly academic concept that you can't even understand much less connect to other people through...So do you create art to connect to yourself or to others? If its the former, you're a loner who doesn't need to bother reaching out. In fact, ditch all your friends. If it's the latter, good luck, because exposing yourself, exposing your own fears about your lack of originality will lead you down a truly existential journey.
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LW is borderline: a narcissist and extremely anti-social.
If she were a man, I would say she is a sociopath, but she is very likely borderline. Her utter contempt and lack of empathy for others is a sure sign.
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One in a million
I don't know how to break it to the LW, but enjoying Radiohead is hardly a unique mark of distinction. I'm a 56-year-old geeky birdwatcher with a coolness quotient of absolute zero, yet I adore Radiohead. I even celebrate Thom Yorke's birthday every October 7. If you really are someone who is genuinely one in a million, there are still three hundred people right here in America who are pretty much exactly like you.
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Like a bird on a wire...
I think Cary's answer was brilliant. People are not obliged to get anybody and no one owes the LW anything.
Having said that, I understand exactly where the LW is coming from and I do not think I live in 'suspended adolescence' as someone here suggested (I am 32, by the way). You cannot switch off existential angst as soon as you turn 24. It does not work that way and there is no cut-off date or age.It may be weird to others, but it is real and it exists and people cannot do much about it.
But, now that we are here and think this way, the only thing to do to keep sane would be exactly what Cary suggested...look closely to see the beauty in people and things around us and of course, tone down on the judgements. Or learn to live alone and not interact with anybody who does not get you.
I love Radiohead too, but was wondering if Cary's last line was a Leonard Cohen reference. I love that song, always makes me cry. In fact, some advice in there for the LW: :" Like a bird on a wire, like a drunk in a midnight choir, I have tried in my way to be free."