Letters to the Editor
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recommendation
The book "Gifted Grownups" by MaryLou Kelly Streznewski addreses the issues involved in making connections as a gifted individual. One suggestion is to look for friends outside one's chronological age group, and of course, the suggestion to seek out places where people are most likely to share your interests.
Good luck.
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Existential artist? Ugh.
Dressing/grooming to please others is a fool's game. Obviously there are parameters depending on your work situation, etc., but be yourself. On the other hand, little miss strikes me as the type who thinks "non-conformist" is the same thing as "deep." The world may not get her, but I'm not sensing a real effort to be understood (or even understand others).
Still, she's in her mid-twenties, so her attitude is understandable. Five to ten years ought to cure it. If there's no change at that time, then her "existential" posing isn't a product of her youth -- it's a product of her being an asshole.
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I know, why don't you just grow up?
Honestly, to be having these kinds of thoughts at 26? You're in a state of suspended adolescence.
It's common for teenagers to operate from an oppositional perspective, from an 'outsider' status, because they're trying to differentiate themselves and form their own distinct identity. But when the issue of identity-formation isn't resolved, this way of seeing the world continues on past the teen years and into what should be adulthood.
A painful obsession with 'originality' only precludes you from being able to form authentic, adult relationships with others, because it means you're automatically judging everyone you meet from within this unrealistically oppositional framework.
I'm not at all surprised that the writer is struggling to establish relationships and is now defensively questioning whether they're necessary at all - wouldn't you, if you couldn't make constructive connections with others?
And I'm sorry, but Radiohead? Unoriginal? I think you might need to take a good hard look at yourself and stop being so critical of others.
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typing about types
"They've never been to where you're coming from. It's some France of your brain they don't speak the language of."
Great metaphor CT! Just returned from Paris, and boy do they let you know how very NOT French you are.
LW,
Good to meet you. So, you are unique, an original. How different are you really? Surprise us, show 'us'... the rest of the world that you seem to be against. I know from experience that you must get so tired, swimming against the tide every day. Everyone is struggling, don't kid yourself. Put it into your work then, whatever it is that you do. Everyone feels different much of the time and we are so similar, so the same. Read what Cary said about people solving problems and think of it every day.
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Oops
Dammit! I meant 'Radiohead? Original?'.
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LW I Think You are Afraid
of finding out that there is nothing new under the sun. It is painfully easy, especially when one is in their 20's to go from 0 to 90 in 2 seconds, and baffle and confuse people and then say they "don't get you." When you were very young, you tried mightily to learn to speak, walk, gauge people's moods, learn how to open a door. Why stop now?
Also, a few questions. Where do you live that dress pants and white socks are regarded as maybe out there? If I saw someone in such attire, I would mull a few possibilities: a.) Michael Jackson is your personal hero. b.) It is easier to buy all white socks because it makes laundry day so much easier. Many people have come to this conclusion. c.) You just finished your shift at the retro diner. d.) The dress pants were a great price at the thrift store, and they fit.
Who is pushing you about "getting out there?" Your parents? Your friends? Yourself? Many people prefer solitude, crave it actually, and are perfectly happy with their own company. Trust me, if you take yourself out of circulation, most people will come to accept it eventually if that is what you really want. Is it?
As far as dismissing people who do not agree and/or live up to your level of originality or truth, well there I'm going to have to say, get over yourself. What is true today becomes a falsehood by Thursday and you are old enough to know that. As far as originality, refer to sentence one.
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Being one of the weird ones...
is extremely painful. For most. Yet the LW seems to be getting along with reasonable confidence in herself and minimal suffering. She should consider herself very lucky so far. And I say--enjoy it, and don't doubt yourself into unnecessary suffering. Enjoy and even celebrate being different.
A superiority complex is always a trap. I take a certain pride in not being one of the "herd," and that's okay, but as i've matured i've gotten much more humble about respecting where other people are coming from. "Normal" people may often not be able to see outside of the box like I might wish, but many are incredibly virtuous, kind, and unselfish. Like Cary said, the regular burdens of the paying the mortgage, feeding the crying baby every night, taking care of the elderly parent with Altzeimer's, and dealing with breast cancer take heroic courage. I couldn't see that when I was younger. I just labeled them all as insular, limited and boring, frustratingly oblivious to all the suffering going on in the world. Now I'm envious of someone's ability to meet the normal, mundane challenges of life with fortitude. It's really much harder, often overwhelming, for the artistic depressive type like me.
On the other hand, the attitude toward those who don't conform and are intellectual, artistic and smart can be complete incomprehension. The other members of my family are totally different personlity types, and growing up I was isolated and misunderstood on top of the social alienation. So I battle equating being different with something being wrong with me. There's something wrong with many expectations placed on us, particularly on women when it comes to relationships. I think that the LW should continue to be true to her personality and feel comfortable staying outside the usual social scene.