Letters to the Editor
-
@ Amerigo
I guess I forgot that I'm back in the US, where people who ENJOY altered states or anything organoleptic are automatically evil and degenerate, or snobs, or whatever.
In case you haven't heard, red wine goes really well with steak. I didn't mention this in my previous post but the salad is usually dressed with a 21 year balsamic vinegar. We love to eat and drink and share in positive sensory experiences.
If we can get it, we also may put a slab of roasted bone marrow or a hunk of pan-seared foie gras on top of the steak. Does that make us even more degenerate because we are wolfing down saturated fat? By the way, I'm a size 6 (a 4 pre-kids) and my husband is a 36 in the waist. We are healthy and take good care of ourselves, but we also want to enjoy life to the fullest. I guess we just have different ways of doing it than many in the US.
-
online dating is tough - cut her some slack
There is no good way to reject someone. I, too, tried the online dating world, and also being a picky person, had to reject far too many people. From the angry and dejected responses I received, I can tell you that no approach works for everyone. But if I realized I wasn't interested, I toned down my enthusiasm and friendliness, and when the date ended (coffee is the best for this), tried two approaches:
1) "I enjoyed meeting you. Take care." No implication of seeing him again, no mention of friends (people in the online dating world are not looking for friends), and no unnecessary hurtful information. If he understands social cues, he'll get it.
2) If he asks if he can see you again, "I had a nice time, but I don't think we're a romantic match. Thanks for taking the time to meet me. Good luck on _dating site_" And then refuse to answer any questions about why, except to say that you didn't feel the right chemistry. There is no good answer to why you didn't like someone - either he'll be hurt or he'll get angry.
Yes, these answers sound abrupt, but they're honest and respectful.
Finally, don't second-guess yourself about being picky. It doesn't hurt to give a sweet guy a couple dates, but there are plenty of guys you'll meet and know immediately that they're wrong. People present themselves very differently online. Those who are critical of these snap judgments fail to realize that they make them all the time when they meet potential partners in person...aka real life.
-
Where Does this Stuff Come From, Cary??
Has it been a bad week in terms of Other People? This is the biggest volume of words used to the smallest advantage yet, and that includes the loony tirade against CPS in another response. You OK?
And to the LW: Thank you. You don't want to waste time hanging out with guys you don't find interesting (or arousing) and I don't want anyone wasting my time when she's not interested. It's fine to say "Thanks, it's been real, byeeee!!" as you back out and get on with your life. I'm not sure you're likely to meet that many real people with real electricity via on-line dating services, and I don't think "smoky bars" are the only places to meet people, but that being said, please, for the sake of us singles out here, ignore the hell out of Cary's sarcastic word-spill and just work on the diplomatic "See ya!" We'd all appreciate the first chance, and we'd all appreciate not being strung along out of kindness. Well maybe not all "we", but I sure would, and I know a lot of other guys (some a lot closer to your own age, too) who'd appreciate it as well.
When it's time to move on you know it a lot better than your friends or anyone else. As William S. Burroughs put it, "Stand not on the order of your going but go at once."
-
Wow, you have such an amazing method!!!!
You have a tried-and-true method of choosing partners. If you don't feel sparks, you don't go to the second date. I imagine that, in order to marry you, a guy must make you feel not sparks, but something like a religious experience. You have to levitate in nirvana like a budhist monk
This method has worked so well that you have married and now you are divorced with kids.
So, given the good results achieved, you are sticking to the same method. You have to feel sparks. So when a Casanova or a pickup artist approaches and makes you feel sparks, you will be delighted. But Casanova will not stay with a 34 y.o. divorced women with kids. He is interested in sexual variety and in getting laid not in "kissing or holding hands or relaxing on the sofa with a video and popcorn". (You are misled because many men want to go out with you. But men are not picky when dating, men are picky when decide to be in a relationship, which is what you want. You are not such a good catch, even if you have lots of men who want to date you)
Of course, most Salon readers will not tell that, but I believe in telling the sad truth and not the beautiful lies: You are being such a silly trying a method who will not produce the results you want and who has given you bad results. You should learn from experience. You are not getting younger nor prettier and you are wasting time.
Please, don't pay attention to what is said here. Salon has degenerated in a kind of liberal Cosmopolitan alternative. Most Salon readers are single/divorced women that, beneath their feminist surface, are dreaming of Prince Charming and had had an overdose of romantic comedies when an outstanding alpha male marries a "strong and independent" fat woman with kids (and they became outraged when someone tells them this is not realistic because they have hope that this is going to happen to them -eventually). So they tell you "You have right to be picky". Bad advice. Of course, you have this right but you are not getting what you want.
You are not such a good catch (No offense meant, but it's time to face reality and make good decisions based on reality not in wishful-thinking). I wish you good luck.