Letters to the Editor

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I'm a busy divorced mom in her 30s. I don't want to hurt men's feelings, but why pretend?
  • Cary, that was great

    Very funny.

    The LW (and people in general) need to be much less stringent in regard to dating than they seem to be.

    For one, a first date is usually very awkward. It's like a job interview. Everyone wants to be presentable, but no one wants to be "too much" of themselves in fear of "scaring" the other person away. So it ends up as a strange kind of dance where you're so afraid of stepping on the other person's toes that you don't really get much dancing done. If you have an instant connection, then I guess it's a different story- and good for you!

    I think it takes at least three times getting together with someone (whether as friends or potential partners, etc) before you're really comfortable being yourself. The first time is awkward, the second is still a tiny bit, but by the third time you're comfortable enough sharing time with this person to be yourself.

    On a bit of a side note for those of you re-entering the dating world- no person you meet is going to be everything you want them to be right away. I've had many dates where I was rejected out of hand because I couldn't be everything their last boyfriend was within an hour of our meeting. The fact is, it takes time to know anyone that well, so to expect all of that at once is a bit unreasonable. Be patient and you'll often be pleasantly surprised.