Letters to the Editor
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Cary's Cruel Answer
Oh, Cary, your answer is so cruel. This woman writes you with the difficult question of what to do about a husband whose stagnation and passivity are weighing her down, and you don't even address her dilemma. You don't really even address her. You empathize with the husband, which implies that this is the helpful nugget that may be of service to her. "Hey," you thought, "Maybe if she can see his point of view, it'll help her."
Nothing in her letter suggested that (a) her empathy is lacking, or (b) her situation could be helped by increasing her focus on understanding the husband's point of view.
There are a lot of creative and helpful things to be said to the spouse of someone suffering from protracted depression / dysphoria / angst. She clearly loves and empathizes with him, or she would not be so committed to the marriage. She's asking what to do. The arrogance of brushing aside her question to focus on what the husband is experiencing is pointlessly cruel.