Letters to the Editor
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Good point
Hierarchy is crucial in corporate America.
Good point. You should always follow the rules of the chain of command, it makes everybody more comfortable dealing with you, and best yet, it allows them to trust you. You can always take ideas (or complaints) up the ladder, but you never bypass a step, it's insulting. The LW shoould be friendly and helpful to the CEO , and then politely transfer the call to their boss and let them address any questions regarding the team's performance.
I once found an old (very dated) feminist book for women who want to get ahead at the workplace written in the early 70's. It was a very different era then, and read it out of curiousity and with some humor. It advises women to not carry a purses, etc.
But they did make one point that seemed valid even though it overgeneralizes.
They said that many boys had been encouraged to play team sports when growing up and that girls frequently were encouraged to play individual sports, tennis, horseback riding, swimming, gymnastics, etc. That this led to very different sets of social skills. The boys learned to deal very quickly with the concept that sometimes you have to bunt, not go for the home run, you have to block, not go for the point, it's your job to cover 1st base, not 3rd, even if your better, etc. It doesn't make you bad, it just makes you part of the team. If you try to do someone else's task for them, yours goes undone and the team stops trusting and/or relying on you, even if you're very competent.
I've had to work on this myself, I find it very hard to delegate or to watch people struggle with something that I could easily handle, but that's part of what happens as you move up. Besides, now a coworker that used to struggle years ago is now very experienced and has surpassed me in a number of ways. It was good for both of us in the long run.
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Beyond the job
I agree with a lot of Cary's points and would like to add the whole 'defining oneself by one's career' angle. The LW gives the impression of being someone who does this.
What about hobbies? Sports? Other interests outside the work place? Putting time and energy into other activities might help the LW relax and realize that his job is not necessarily the be all and the end all. I work with people who put 98% of their lives into their jobs and when things go wrong at work, they have a lot of trouble coping because it's all they have. They have no other outlet.
Outside interest can also help to balance priorities. If you've committed to leaving work on time (or even occasionally a bit early if possible) to make it to a book club meeting or a volunteering gig, it will help you see the bigger picture of a well-balanced life. It might even help your superiors and colleagues see that you are, indeed, not a threatening career shark!
I'm generally a high achiever at work and have found that taking a language or art class forces me use my mind and talents in another way and to learn how to deal with being 'bad' at something. I suggest picking an activity that the LW probably won't excel at - at least initially. It can be so liberating!
Best of luck!
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You're a Superstar!
LW, you're a superstar. Regardless of why you are driven to be Grade A perfect, that's how you've been hardwired.
The problem is that you can't act naturally as a superstar while running away from the limelight. It makes other people uncomfortable because in the presence of a superstar they expect you to be a leader, not a follower. They expect you to be gracious, not humble. Not that you can't be humble, but you refuse to acknowledge that you look like a star, your work ethic shows you to be a star, and yet your every denial seems like a diss.
It's about finding a place where you fit properly. You want to fit underneath others, while they instinctively know that you should be the leader. If you were in your proper position, say as a team leader, folks would chill the hell out.
You need to get over looking for others' approval. Its funny that the person who's approval you want (your boss) is intimidated by you. Your bosses aren't your mother. Its unfair and unrealistic to expect your bosses to approve of you personally. They may judge you professionally, but even if you dumb down your work performance, they are only human and won't like you more and can't make you perfect within your own eyes.
If you want someone to judge you, get a dominating girlfriend, wife, or significant other. She will be able to dominate you on every level and, upon final approval (for the day), you might feel the satisfaction you've been really craving. Your discomfort is not just that you alienate your coworkers, but also that you want to be dominated and can find no one to do it properly.
Good luck.
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@Kitchengirl, @AnnieW
What the supervisor was complaining about was a subordinate saying "We don't do it that way." Not "I know a better way" or "That's not a good way" or "I want to do it my way."
- We indicates that there are already established procedures and methodologies in place.
- The employee's objection indicates that the supervisor is deviating from those without explanation.
- The supervisor's reaction to that objection and her expectation that smart, hard working, caring employees will simply obey her without explanation or discussion or they are no good shows that she is a symptom of pretty much everything that has gone wrong with American business and industry.
- The supervisor clearly indicated that an appropriate understanding of the relationship (you do as I say without question or comment) is more important to her than the quality of the work or the outcome of the project.
I'm sure that by her own reckoning she is quite successful, since she probably carries the same subservient attitude in her dealings with her own bosses, and so gets many promotions and attaboys. The problem is that so many of our companies are riding these kinds of internally defined, purely imaginary success measures straight into bankruptcy. I have seen too many of these types of managers who are happy with saying "we did what we agreed to and met all the requirements" instead of "we created a kick ass product and no one could have done it better." The difference is one is purely focused on personal success, and the other is more concerned with creating and maintaining excellence.
Our country and its workers were much better off when doing the best job possible was more important than having the best job possible.