Letters to the Editor
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Why can't some people accept
That some don't see their name as an identity?
Famous people change their name all the time, from something icky or boring sounding to something catchy.
For me, no matter what name you call me, I'm still me.
I can see some people being very attached to their names and I think it's fine if you don't want to change it. My husband would have been fine if I hadn't. My close friend changed her name to move up in the alphabet and she never really liked her last name anyway. Another friend will not change her name because her fiance's last name is ugly sounding and doesn't flow with her first. If anything, men should complain that the name they are born with apparently they are stuck with it unless they want to go to court and spend lots of money to change it. Perhaps the unfairness stems from men don't think about changing their name because they were never given the option. Perhaps us ladies have the advantage because now we can do whatever the hell we want with our last names.
Some people are attached to their names, some are not.
Some of us don't give a shit if people we didn't like that much in high school or college can find us now. I never lost touch with people I consider friends! If you stopped returning my calls, if you stopped answering my emails, well then see ya, I can take a hint. If I don't know where you are, guess what, it's because I don't care where you are!
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as if you need 200 letters?
But what the heck, I'll weigh in.
I kept my own name, partially because I thought my husband's last name with my first name made me sound like a porn star. Also, I'm a professional writer, and was a bit older (well, 33) when we got married, so I was really very established with my previous name.
Now my three kids, my husband all share a last name and sometimes I do feel lonely out here, the only one with my name, but it's really not such a big deal. It's too late to change my last name; it still makes me sound like a porn star; our names together hyphenated sound utterly ridiculous; and I am who I am.
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Different last names for girls & boys??
I don't know, giving the mom's last name to female children and the dad's last name to male children just seems weird to me. If all of the kids get the same last name, I think anyone would think of them belonging equally to both parents, no matter what that last name is. Maybe in the past different name for mom or dad and kids might be assumed as a sign of divorce, but not any more, because women keep their names so commonly. You can't assume much any more. But if kids have different last names, it's like "these are mine, these are yours." And doing that along gender lines seems odd. I think I would have found that really strange and limiting as a kid. It would seem like I had less room to be whoever I was supposed to be: girls are expected to be like their moms, and boys like their dads.
That said, I know it's hard to figure out the "best" way to name kids. Our kids are getting our last names as middle & last. We debated a little over whose would be last: my husband initially preferred his as a middle name, mine as last name, whereas I preferred it the other way around. Part of it I think is a family thing. I never considered changing my last name b/c that's who I am, but when it comes to kids, I associate my husband's last name with him, but my own last name with my dad's family, and I want my kid to be like me & my husband, not my relatives. So somehow having his name last instead of mine feels like starting a new family with a new generation more than using my family name. Probably why he was tempted to put my name last instead! So in the end the kids will have my name as a middle name, and my husband's name as a last name. I think that's increasingly common, and we're happy with it. It would have been equally fine to put the names the other way around. We're already both used to answering to Mr. [My Name] and Mrs. [His Name] because people don't always know, and it doesn't really matter. We thought for an instant about hyphenating for our kids, but it's just a mouthful, and then we figured they'd have to drop part or get really complicated when they start their own families. With one in the middle, it's clear that they "belong" to both of us.
So, just to say, I get that there are lots of ways to solve the naming of kids. And in the end they all work. I just viscerally find it weird to have a female and male surname applied throughout the family. Feels too gendered to me.
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lol
It's your choice to take his name. Right. Just like in those countries where 99% of voters choose the same candidate.
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Name changes
My name has changed completely (both first and last) 3 times in my life. I never related to my first name so changed it. Then the second one I chose got old after about 10 years, it sounded like something else and I got called that other thing one too many times. Took my first husband's last name and gave it back when we divorced. I now have a 3rd first name and my maternal grandmother's maiden name for my last name. This was my name during my second marriage as well. I've been this name now for a good number of years, over 10. I got a simple printout from Social Security about 10 years ago showing that all 3 of me are me. It's never been a pain. Now I have a very strong relationship with a very special man and even though I swore I'd never change my name again, I might. I just might if we marry. I like change. I like him, I like his name, and his family and my name is fine too. Not sure what I'll do, but whatever it is I end up doing will be my business and has little or nothing to do with feminism or traditional-ism or not. It has to do with what I want to be called.