Letters to the Editor
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To create a family unit
When my parents married, my mother kept her name and when they had my brother and myself, were were given hyphenated last names. And I can say from experience, that it really does place a divide on a family unit. As kids, whether we lived in Los Angeles or Ohio, we constantly had to explain why we had our last names and who our parents were. No, our parents were not divorced. No, my mother did not have a hyphenate.
Over time it has made me resent their choice (in addition to causing me grief in getting plane tickets and prescription medication). While I do not necessarily believe that women should take the husband's name - I am a firm believer against the hyphenated last name for children. It can be alienating and disjointed.
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The Evolution of My Name
My mother changed her name to my father’s name, and then to the name of the idiot she married on the rebound. She died with that name, and it never made any sense to me. I thought of her in the context of my aunt, my uncle and my grandparents, but her name never reflected who she was.
I changed my name for my first marriage, hyphenated for the second, and went back to my family name for the third, and hopefully last marriage.
It was stupid for me to change it in the first two instances, and given the chance to take back my “real” name, I did it and had no regrets. It had nothing to do with my father, by the way, but with the chance to claim my connection to my brothers - to know who I am and where I come from. One of my brothers once commented that he had me in his address book under my first name, with my last name in pencil, just in case I changed it again. Ouch.
The name thing was an issue with the first two marriages, and that should have been a clue. When someone, or their family, doesn’t like to be reminded that you’re a person, there might be trouble ahead.
Sometimes, since our town can be a little backward, I get questions when I go to the MD, because our medical insurance is in my husbands name. I chalk that up to ignorance and I’m happy to give them a moment of enlightenment, if I can.
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death to the hyphen-people ! ! !
NO NO NO ! ! !
do NOT hyphenate names, you will be causing the accelerated heat-death of the universe ! ! !
seriously, have hyphen-people got goldfish-brain ? ? ? have you lost all ability to see beyond the next 5 seconds ? ? ?
to wit :
johnny appleseed marries joan braithwaite and begat joey appleseed-braithwaite (braithwaite-appleseed ? ? ? see, already the problems start!)
joey appleseed-braithwaite marries shareena washington-james and begat muhammed appleseed-braithwaite-washington-james ! ! !
etc, etc, etc, are you catching on YET, selfish hyphen-people ? ? ?
do you understand how as egocentric hyphen-people go around doubling names will-I nill-I, the next generation will suffer the heavy load of a quadrupled name ? ? ?
within 3-4 generations of hyphen-people on the loose, ALL of the planet's resources will be going SOLELY for the increased paper necessary for filling out forms, nametags, and applications ! ! !
we will have to go off-planet to get the paper, and there are very few trees in outer space ! ! !
are you hyphen-people crazy ! ! !
come the revolution, we will all have the same name...
art guerrilla
aka ann archy
eof
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My name
While I do think a bit part of feminism is giving women a choice in how they want to do things, I am still constantly so surprised by women who never even broach the question of changing their name and just assume they will take their husbands. So I am glad that the writer is at least questioning that assumption.
What I am puzzled by, however, is her statement here:
I also thought it was pretty un-feminist for a woman to keep her last name, then have children and be the only member of the family with it.
I kept my last name. My husband and I have a son. He has my husband's last name. I don't think that having a different name than the other people in my house makes me unfeminist. If anything, I hope that it will show my son as he grows up that I am my own person and that all women are individuals. I suppose some people may question if I am his mom or step mom or what, since we don't share the same last name. But for me, it really isn't about what other people think. I know he is mine, he grew in my body. And even if he hadn't come from my person, if he were adopted or whatever, he is my son and no name will ever change that or have any impact on my relationship with him. I object to one response from Haaaley that said the mother's last name would have reprecussions for her children. Please, this is the 21st century, I think we are beyond that kind of pettiness, or at least I pray we are.
Ultimately, you have to do what you feel comfortable with. My name was who I had been for almost 30 years. I had started a career with that name. It was my identity. My husband feel in love with me for who I was, for that person, and he had no interest in changing that, anymore than I did. So I kept my name. Sometimes I get called by his last name and sometimes he gets called by mine. But in the end, these names are just words and letters and our family is much more than that.
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A name is just a name
I took my wife's last name when I got married 10 years ago. She had been married once before and I thought it to be fair if I were to be the one to change it this time around.
We decided to tell my parents in a public place to hopefully lessen the cursing and screaming. Dad took it all in stride, my mother on the other hand treated all the patrons in Perkins that day to a stream of words that would make a sailor blush.
We announced it on the invitations, but it didn't lessen the shit storm that happened after the Pastor announced us as a couple.
We're still married and very much in love. Focus on each other and don't sweat the small stuff.