I use my maiden name privately and my husband's name professionally. We work together, and having the same name simplifies explanations at work; we socialize mainly with the associates of my parents, and using my name simplifies explanations at home. It's not as complicated as you might expect; a legal alias isn't difficult to establish.

Having children of our own isn't an option for us, but if it were, we would hyphenate, since our names form a pleasant combination. The first time I introduce myself to, say, people at church, I usually use both names for the sake of clarity. He's been known to use both names when introducing himself to friends of my parents.

The real question is, what name feels like your name? There's no right or wrong choice. You are not responsible for bearing the weight of future generations of feminists on your shoulders. All you have to do is pick a name so that people will be able to address you.

I kept my name, it hasn't been a problem or caused any difficulties in my life or the lives of my husband and children. However one option we considered when we discussed marriage was that we both change our names. My favorite name was a remix of syllables from our last names. For instance if your name was Johansen and your fiance's name was Alveraz you could mix up Joraz from it.

Just another idea, which would let you do your own thing, yet still have a family name shared by your husband and kids.

I took my husband's name - and I'm no doormat, he's a stay at home dad and I bring home the paycheck, because I have more earning power. I just like that we all have the same name, and his was shorter and easier to spell than mine. it's not a big deal.

Great advice, and exactly the point. You do get to choose, it's just down to how you feel about it. What name will make you happy? What name do you want to repeat after your first name for the rest of your life?

And have you considered hyphenating? I kind of like the idea of taking my fiance's name. I love him (obviously), and I like the gesture of making his name, his family heritage and history, part of my own. That said I also hate the idea of giving up mine. My family heritage and history are important to me, and I think I would miss having the daily reminder of my name. So I'm kind of leaning towards hyphenating. I'm sure some people will think it's terribly yuppie of me, but oh well, I have my reasons.

I'm getting married next fall and cannot WAIT to marry out of my last name. I hate my last name, always have. School children teased, grown adults snicker, it's tiresome. Plus my entire name put together is not very alliterative. It's flat. No bounce. So I'm very happy, nay giddy, with the prospect of changing my name, and as I'm not very close to my own family, there is no creeping guilt involved in leaving the clan.

It's curious to me that so-called empowered women would view those of us name-changers as "losers." My version of empowerment is that I have choices, and I make them. I'm happy with myself, work hard to improve myself and to maintain positive relationships with friends, colleagues and loved ones. I couldn't care much less if someone thinks I'm a loser because I prefer my fiance's name to mine- I'm happy to have found someone to love, nevermind someone with such a stately surname!

I could go on but suddenly the urge to research monogramming potentials is overwhelming.

And there are times I regret it. It's a logistical pain in the rear, and it has taken YEARS to use it without thinking about it.

When my sister-in-law married my brother, and took HIS name, I had a serious pang of jealousy... there she was, a newcomer, with MY family name that I still miss.

If I had it to do again, I wouldn't. I have kids in elementary school now, and when I took my husband's name I did it because I wanted any future children's teachers, friends, schools, etc. to be clear that we weren't divorced, I wasn't a step-mom, we were all one family. But every time I sign the kids up for something (school, parks and rec classes, whatever), someone clarifies, do I have the same last name as them? It's so common now to have different last names in a family, and no one assumes anything about it. When people call me "Mrs. _____" I always look for my mother-in-law.

I'm not changing it back, it's too difficult. But I might make a different choice if I had it to do again.

I just have to write about this. I am not American, but I live here. My husband and I married in his country, which, like the US, allows the woman to keep her name. I kept mine. I was supposed to notify the relevant government agencies in my country after the marriage. I didn't. Guess why?

Laws in my country do not allow a woman to keep her maiden name. You can keep it, but you have to add your husband's name as well. More than a decade ago, they changed the law and they allowed women to pick whatever name they wanted. A few years later, they changed it back, arguing that it created too much paper work. Of course, the real reason was the conservative backlash, and this was after we had a female prime minister. Recently, the courts decided that the law violated the principle of equal rights, so I'm waiting for the parliament to change it.

You might think this is not a big deal. But it is. It is my name and I cannot think of many things that are more personal. Taking your husband's last name is a statement, whether you accept it or not. It is accepting that you are becoming his. This is why women are not allowed to keep their names in many countries outside the West. It matters. It's not irrelevant.

Forgive me, if I'm touchy on this issue, but you cannot take your rights for granted. Don't say you're a feminist when you prefer the "traditional" route. Don't trivialize the matter. (unless you hate you hate your last name. If that is the case, be my guest, take the name of whoever you want.)

If you really badly want to share the same name with your husband, both of you can change your names, or he can take your name and you can take his. There are many options that are consistent with a feminist world view. Taking his name, is not one.

However, if you take his name, people will judge you. Do you want to know why? You call yourself a liberal feminist and then cling to archaic notions or traditionalism. You can't have it both ways.

P.S. BTW, do you realize you'll have to change your driver's license, passport, bank account information, credit cards, social security card, etc, if you take his name? It's inconvenient, too.