Letters to the Editor
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@Bandersnatch
"The upside for men, of course, is that it's possible to get richer (and hence more attractive to the opposite sex) over time. As for women, I guess it's 'Gather ye rosebuds while ye may.'"
Oh, man, I just had an epiphany reading this, but do I ever feel like a dummy. My entire life, my mind's eye saw a young girl scampering among the flowers, delighting in it the way only the young can, but just now I suddenly get it: Gathering the rosebuds is gathering the roses and attentions of the young men. Thanks, Bandersnatch.
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Brighstar, it's easy
DISCLAIMER. For those of you that are unable to handle the sad truth and prefer to believe in fairy tales, please stop reading. If you want to discuss that, do it WITH LOGICAL ARGUMENTS and not with emotional ones. Thank you.
What I am about of saying is a summary of the human dating behavior, according to evolutionary biology (read "The Selfish Gene", "The Red Queen" books and other)
1. In animal kingdom, females invest more effort in their offspring than males. Males can have thousands of children (Gengis Khan) and they don't even need to know them. Females only can have dozens of children and each children consumes a huge amount of effort (pregnancy, baby feeding, etc). Therefore, when it comes to sex, males are naturally polygamous and women naturally monogamous (because they cannot "fuck and chuck", like males).
2. So looking for the RIGHT sexual partner is more important for females than for males (you know women are pickier than men). Female look for two features: good genes (handsome) and, above all, good resources (money) (because they hope the male will help with their resources to raise the children). Male only look for one feature: good genes (hot women), because they only need to transmit their genes.
3. So women are sex objects for men and men are "success objects" for women. You always see the hot girl with the rich guy. But what about affection? (The thing we call love). This is the tricky part.
4. A woman loves her child more than the child loves his mother. This is logical because the child is more important in evolutionary terms than the mother (he is the future of genes) and he is way weaker. So the more a woman loves her child, the more chances has the child of surviving and pass her genes onto the next generation. The child don't have to love so much her mother but he has to take advantage of her resources and love.
5. The same way, a man loves his wife more than the wife loves her husband (this does not forbid him to have sexual adventures, as I have said). In evolutionary terms, the woman is more important (because she takes care of the child, who is the most important) and weaker than the man (because when she takes care of the child, she don't have much time and energy to look for food, protect from predators and other things). So the more a man loves his wife, the more chances have his children (and his genes) of surviving. The woman don't have to love so much his husband but he has to take advantage of her resources and love.
6. So, in the natural world, women are physically dependent of men (when breeding) and men are emotionally dependent of women. This is true today in our modern world when physically dependent translate into economically dependent. In a culture where women are always talking about romance it is hard to know that men love women more than the other way around (we don't know to express our feeling as well as women), but it's true and there a lot of facts the prove that (but this is too long)
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aging beauty
Whereas you never had to worry about your appearance before maybe it is time to start spending an hour doing your makeup in the morning. Women's arts have been exciting men for millenia why should it be any different today. I had a very good lady friend who was 25 years older than me. She was actually a good friend of my mother's and they travelled the world together. The point is she was a beauty and she maintained that beauty right into her seventies (she passed away 10 years ago). She kept her figure by eating correctly and by light exercise (at 66 she starred in a stage show about show girls so that was more than light exercise). She knew how to dress and apply her makeup as she was a starlet in the 50's. Needless to say she turned heads wherever she went right until the end.
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I am 60, single, have admirers, have bought my burial spot & marker
I am not as accomplished as the LW - family dynamics interrupted a career - but I have more or less taken care of the end stage so that I may get on with this stage.
I am a mother and grandmother.
Even though I do not look like I did at 34 (I was beautiful and did not know it ), there are men ages 57, 66, 74, 76, who are attracted even without my seeking the attention. These men are not looking for a smooth pretty face.
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Me, too, but, again, it is what it is
I'm 53 and object to my face aging into a frown. I have had my 18 year old son ask me what's wrong when he just looks at my face. Gravity and age is giving my relaxed mouth a downward turn. I don't think it's my fault. I do, now, actively try to smile when my son is around, so I don't scare him into thinking I'm angry. My voice has lowered with age. It's no longer the velvety tool I used to use as a customer service rep for various companies, including my state tourism office. I used to have customers call, just to hear my voice. Now, to me, it sounds rough and bawdy. I work at trying to sound light and happy. I still feel 24, in my mind, and when I look in the mirror, I wonder where it all went. I really don't have anything to complain about. I'm healthy, not overweight. My hair is still fighting the grey, but very slowly losing the battle. I've decided to take those grey hairs as a sign of wisdom and experience. In ages past, the grey haired ones were respected. What ever happened to that in our culture?
I'm in a permanent relationship, not needing to market myself for a relationship. I have a secure job, for life, working in my husband's company and I'm just going to play things as they go. I'm not happy with the aging process, but I'm doing the best to live with what life has given me.