Letters to the Editor
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@11:49 anonymous
>Sounds like you still haven't gotten over it. It's not LW's fault you weren't born with looks. It's not her fault that she was born with looks.<
But it _is_ her fault she takes out her insecurities on other women. What exactly is beautiful or kind or mature or productive about doing that? What good does that do for her or anyone else? I have no beef with LW's looks. But it shows a real lack of character to by default take your insecurities out on women who have done _nothing_ to you except "offend" your eye. And it is a major character flaw she needs to address (along with her loss of beauty issues) if she's ever going to come to terms with aging.
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Beautiful at any age
I have not been one of the beautiful people, to the best of my knowledge, though I do seem to have gotten some stares in my past as well. Maybe it's just about eye contact. That said, I have seen people who are beautiful at 40, 50, and older. it is not as common as at younger ages, true; it can take more work. That said, it is still entirely possible to be beautiful at 43. And yes, there can be a beauty to being a bit older. There's something age can bring that youth cannot, and that is experience.
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We are a beautiful bunch
"I'm amazed at how many of these letters begin with "I am beautiful too" or something like that."
I thought the same thing. I started to write my own experience down, starting with the same similar line, and thought better of it.
My feelings on this subject are really difficult for me to pin down or articulate very well. I care much too much about the way I look. It kind of dominates my life, honestly. It's strange...a lot of the time I don't like it. I also would be devastated to give it up.
I'll give an example that maybe will help...imagine there is a girl who sings. Now, all of this singer's non-singer friends and associates think she has a fabulous voice, and would kill to be able to sing like her. But in her circle of fellow singers, in the singing world, she knows she isn't really that good. She has a lot of problems with her voice that most non-singers wouldn't notice. But she knows better, and she knows her fellow singers notice as well. She focuses on those flaws, because she feels like she's so close. If she could just get rid of those flaws, she would be really great! Her life becomes about fixing those flaws. Any non-singer would think she was crazy. Shouldn't she be grateful for what she has? How can she complain? At least she can sing at all!
That's kind of the way I feel about being attractive, about it becoming your life. Maybe I'm just especially shallow or self-absorbed. I like to think I'm not, but then someone as self-absorbed as I am would say something like that, huh? I doubt I would put so much emphasis on it in my life if others had not. Once you realize that other people think you are beautiful, you don't want to let go of it. You want more of it. It's like realizing you can sing, or write. Kind of miraculous, almost. You haven't asked for it, you haven't made it happen, it just happened.
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In Praise of Older Women
Well, thinking a woman can be as beautiful or hot in their 40's as a 19-year-old girl is plainly delusional. The young girl will always win, hands down.
But I don't think everything is physical beauty. The most rewarding relationship I have had in my life has been with a woman 10 years my senior (I was 36 and she was 46).
Older women have one drawback (looks) and a lot of advantages:
They have no drama and no mental problems like young girls.
They are happy and easily satisfied. They are low-maintenance.
They have an interesting conversation and lot of things to talk about.
They have an interesting life.
They don't complain.
They have no entitlement complex.
They enjoy life as it comes, without worrying about the future.
They don't push for commitment: they have already experienced that and they know it is not the fairy tale most young girls dream of.
They like you for your personality and your company not for being a tool to achieve the future they want.
They are compassive and tolerant. They know life is hard and have a beautiful heart.
They are wiser and kinder.
They don't give you problems. On the contrary, some times, you are talking about a problem and they find a solution (and even they solve the problem personally).
Although their bodies are far from perfect, they have good breasts and they know how to make love (young girls use to be passive, have a lot of inhibitions and are very exigent and demanding and somewhat selfish and boring).
They are willing to make love more often than young girl and without stupid mind games.
They bring joy to your life.
I could go on and forth.
So please if you are a woman and you are getting older, you are far more interesting that these young girls in their 20's. Don't let the media to fool you. You have a lot to offer. You only have to initiate and approach men because men don't initiate with older women (but don't reject if older women approach them either). When a man ends up knowing you, he will be grateful.
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"'Tis the blight that man was born for..."
One of the demands life makes on those of us who are lucky enough to live into and past middle age, is that we must continually release and finally relinquish many of the sources of our youthful power (beauty, position, energy, physical prowess). You can delay the process but not defeat it. Look at it as an opportunity to learn modesty, (a trait I lacked when I was pretty (not beautiful), smart, well-traveled and held a responsible corporate position).
As I aged, I too found it difficult at social engagements to adjust to having my conversation/comments met with politeness rather than with the intense interest and focus I was used to when I was younger. At the same time I "lost my looks", I also retired from a responsible corporate position to become a teacher. That engendered a whole 'nother level of initial disinterest at parties and from my seatmates on long flights.
As you are learning, it's very humbling to grow older and lose much of the physical power we took for granted. Despite Cary's advice, there's really not a lot you can do to consciously adjust. But don't worry - human being are so flexible ( almost too flexible), eventually we adapt whether we want to or not. In the meantime we must content ourselves with being loved and admired by our loved ones, if no longer by the world in general.