Letters to the Editor
-
It's OK
So I am going on 37 here and two kids later I've got sort-of the same feeling going on as you. But I look at women older than me, women I've admired for years -- women I've admired since I was at my sexy heyday in my mid-20s -- and I look at them at 50 and I think, "Damn, I hope I look as good as you when I get there."
There are a lot of awful nice women at age 50. Really.
Personally, I think part of your problem might be your impending marriage-- having a feeling you need to do this now or lose your chance. I doubt it's true. If you're as beautiful as you say you are, you will be a beautiful 50-year-old, too, just not with quite the same pheremones shooting off everywhere.
Or, heck, as my mom says, this is as young as you are EVER going to be. Enjoy it.
-
Taking her licks...
Well the LW has preempted any attempt on the part of regular male readers of this feature to tell her she had it coming as her punishment for being beautiful, but these words will not come from me, because I have often thought the same thing.
Women are like flowers. Each one comes into bloom and has her day in the sun. Some are annuals and quickly run to seed or bloat beyond recognition. Others are perennials that seem ageless. In Shakey's Antony and Cleopatra, they say of the Egyptian queen:
Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety...
and so it may seem for a while, but the truth is that every juicy young woman eventually becomes a withered crone, none more so than those who strike a Faustian bargain with the plastic surgeon. The wrinkles disappear in exchange for looking like a piece of taxidermy, and no one beyond the looking-glass is fooled.
Men are a little more durable. Henry Higgins in My Fair Lady says "men are a marvellous sex", but we eventually droop and our heads fall and our molecules are recycled just the same as women.
The truth is that we pursue happiness for a while, and then we are pursued by the grim reaper, and though we may dodge and hide for a while, the result is a forgone conclusion.
This is why we have religion to cheer us up. O, Death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?
Believing that there is a better life ahead is some consolation for aging, even if we don't really, really believe it.
In the end, you have to give it to the Old Testament prophet to tell it like it is:
Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity.
What profit hath a man of all his labor which he taketh under the sun?
One generation passeth away, and another generation cometh: but the earth abideth for ever...
Anyway, thanks to the LW for reminding us that we all have one foot in the grave. Sometimes we forget for a few moments, and we need to be brought back on task.
See you on the other side, LW.
-
The human tragedy
I'm sure I speak for thousands of women when I say the following to the letter writer (and the "empathizers" chiming in): Tough titty, princess.
-
Staying Beautiful
She could always start to hang out with older people. In their eyes she'll be youthfully beautiful. At least while she's adjusting to the new reality.
-
some observations at 45
yes, me too (I'm almost 46)and its not getting easier. some observations:
Put energy into being healthy and strong (keep at those athletic activities); people who are at ease in their bodies are attractive.
Put energy into the activities that feed your passions (music, languages, reading, traveling, your work); passionate people are attractive.
I'm also finding a kind of freedom in being more unnoticed; slipping into places, walking down streets without having men stare, call out, or hit on me has given me an anonymity that is rather freeing; it's forming a new perspective that allows me to observe others (to "see" others rather than being the object of others' seeing) and wander in places I would have been wary of in the past (I'm planning on putting this to good use by traveling alone).
Finally; appreciate your beauty as a vibrant 43 year old woman now! You'll look back at 53 and think - how beautiful I still was at 43 - how I wish I'd appreciated it then (like the 28 year old who said she envies the 18 year olds).
good luck!
-
loss of beauty
I can empathize with the author, although for a somewhat different reason. I've always been quite pretty until about two years ago when a serious bout of depression led to me overeating and gaining nearly one hundred pounds. For a long time I was in denial about this--when I would catch a glimpse at myself in a mirror, it was though I were looking at a pathetic stranger. I couldn't deny forever the loss of attention from both men and women, though, and I admit that even though I certainly have always had other things going for me (I have published two well received volumes of poetry) it was very painful having to accept that I had become just one other nondescript 30-something woman who blends into the crowd.
And how hollow did all those bromides ring about how real beauty comes from the inside. It's not that character doesn't matter--we all know a few beautiful people whose miserable personalities practically cancels out their good looks. It 's just that, if I had a choice, I'd like to be beautiful on the inside and outside.
I am currently dieting, partly because I don't want to die young from some obesity-related health problem, but in part because I want to regain some of my former beauty. I'm also aware that this in a way is just a temporary remedy, that in a decade or so there will be nothing I can do to get back my former looks. I hope I have the strength of character to do so. Bette Davis really got it right when she said old age wasn't for sissies.