Letters to the Editor
-
I get what she's saying... but you still need to be confident and fight the aging process every step of the way.
I'm 41, so slightly younger, but easily could have written this letter.
Here's what I think: work with what you have and be the best 40-something year old out there. So that means paying extra careful attention to working out, eating healthy foods, skincare, cosmetics, fashionable (yet age appropriate) clothes and yes, Botox. I used to not have to worry about that stuff at all. Now I care about it more than ever and pay extra attention to detail.
Maybe 20-something young men will no longer look at us and salivate, but believe me, plenty of men out there still will. So much about beauty is how you carry yourself. Confidence is sexy. And certainly gorgeous women like Cindy Crawford (my age), Demi Moore and Madonna are helping us. Sure, beauty AND fame AND extreme wealth help, but there is a new standard now. 50 is the new 40, 40 is the new 30, etc.
I am fighting that aging process every step of the way and so far, it is working. When you're sweet, flirty, have a tight bod, are well dressed and carry yourself with confidence, there are still plenty of men who will look at you with longing, and even the teenage bag boys at the supermarket will be fighting over who gets to help you out to your car.
I expect that the number of men who are attracted will shrink as I get older, but hey, why not be the hottest chick in the retirement home? It all depends on your frame of reference.
-
Welcome to the world of the average woman.
Sucks, doesn't it.
-
One nice thing about having children...
is that I have already been demoted from my former position as center-of-any-universe-including-my-own. Of course, there are other ways to get to this realization. We all should try to get there eventually - to truly know that we're just one tiny speck in the grand scheme of things. Let yourself mourn first. Then you must decide if you are going to take the path to be a sweet old lady or the biddy that all the neighborhood kids hate.
My grandmother is 100 years old. If she had been worrying about her looks at your age, she would have 57 years of unhappiness. That's too long to spend in bitterness! My grandmother chose wisely. She still has many friends, and still makes new friends, even at her age. She is my inspiration.
What path do you chose?
-
Fair Youth
When forty winters shall besiege thy brow,
And dig deep trenches in thy beauty's field,
Thy youth's proud livery so gazed on now,
Will be a tattered weed of small worth held:
Then being asked, where all thy beauty lies,
Where all the treasure of thy lusty days;
To say within thine own deep sunken eyes,
Were an all-eating shame, and thriftless praise.
How much more praise deserved thy beauty's use,
If thou couldst answer 'This fair child of mine
Shall sum my count, and make my old excuse'
Proving his beauty by succession thine.
This were to be new made when thou art old,
And see thy blood warm when thou feel'st it cold.
-
@deering & ditmas
"...you are going to become increasingly bitter and unpleasant the older you get. That is what ages people and makes them truly ugly."
Did you mean more bitter and unpleasant than you. And perhaps even truly uglier than you?
Sounds like you still haven't gotten over it. It's not LW's fault you weren't born with looks. It's not her fault that she was born with looks.
-
Dear LW - I have made a career of feigning indifference to life's indignities.
I had many indiginities since I am an adult survivor of family persecution / victimization.
I am an only child, 60 yrs old and had no advocate.
Therefore since no one cared that I suffered, my next recourse was to feign indifference to life's indignities. It has been my career.
I found Cary's observations right on. My two granddaughters are adored simply because they exist.Most adults are not that fortunate.
Nature appreciation and the ability to enjoy one's solitude are my wonderful companions. I have found peace in a new location and found peace in my heart.
-
Appreciate beauty.
Dear LW:
The way that you have listed your accomplishments and the litany of your life's works indicates to me that you feel inadequate and are constantly attempting to prove that you are "enough" - that you are good enough, that you are smart enough, that you are pretty enough. Your beauty has not been able to insulate you from that, which is among the most universal of existential insecurities. The pursuit of "enough" is what is sought in possessions, and lovers, in bottles of alcohol, education, religion, gambling, power.... There is nothing you will ever be able to do that will make you feel like "enough."
Beauty is a form of social currency. However it is not the only measure of worth. There is worth in being kind. There is worth in being funny. There is worth in being compassionate and merciful, in being a good listener, in being a good friend, in being a mother, or a sister, in being a mentor, or a spouse. These kinds of worth are not in what you "do" but in who you "are." (Ever hear the saying that "You're a human *being*, not a human *doing*?")
Many people who don't wear their worth right on the surface as "classic" or "traditional" beauty can be found to be treasures of priceless value. All those sayings about beauty being only "skin deep," and "inner beauty" aren't just meaningless platitudes that parents tell their plain daughters.
You can't force yourself to stop obsessing about your looks (that's the nature of obsession), but how about you also make a conscious effort to focus on one of those other areas of "being" and not "doing?" What if you focused on being a good listener? What if you practiced being truly present in the company of others, listening without judgment or comment, and reflecting on what is being said before rushing to speak in response? (Granted, those are actions, or doings, but they are the actions of someone who is a good listener.) How would it feel to know that you were the person that people turned to not because you were pretty, but because you were a good listener?
Good luck.