Letters to the Editor
-
My Solution
I sympathize with the LW, even though I'm a guy (in his mid-60s). My work-around for her problem is my current girlfriend, who is 32. Case closed!
-
You can't change how people look at you, you can change yourself
I'm 45, and yep, I've noticed the beginning of wrinkles. I was never a great beauty, but I was attractive and I've been attracting fewer looks for a while now.
You can't bring it back. Perhaps a load of surgical or chemical interventions can hold back the tide for a year or two, but too much and you'll just look funny. (Think of how awful Melanie Griffith looks now).
But you can change how you feel about it. You can stop those evil thoughts. Find a mantra (Ommmm or 'I am beautiful') or call your sweetie or the minute you think derogatory thoughts deliberately look for something positive in the person. Try them out and find something that works for you.
-
This Quote Is All That Every Woman Alive Needs to Know- Write It Down!!!!
"From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents.
From 18 - 35, a woman needs good looks.
From 35 - 55, a woman needs a good personality.
From 55 on, a woman needs....CASH."
- Sophie Tucker, vaudeville performer, singer, 1884-1966.
This, in a nutshell, sums up perfectly all phases of a woman's life. There is no other way around it. This is The Truth.
-
Beauty keeps you safe...
...almost like being invisible in a funny kind of way...
I, too, used to be very pretty -- never thought so and took it for granted until, like the LW, I grew older as we all [hopefully!] do. I'm pushing 60 and now the young things on their cell phones literally almost walk right through me on the street. Men no longer look unless it's because I'm so tall. What has been such a surprise to me in this change is that I find that I must have unconsciously used my looks to hide behind and, now, I feel really vulnerable and exposed. I read somewhere that getting old(er) is like a sculptor chipping away the marble to release the spirit that's trapped within, and I think of this aging process like that.
I may be less beautiful on the outside, but it feels good to be almost free of the facade...
You might be surprised and delighted at the shiny new You that comes to light.
-
Aphorisms won't help
What you need to do is stop resisting the aging process. You need to take off your clothes in front of the mirror and look at every sign that you are getting older and accept each one. Do it in painful detail, wrinkle by wrinkle. Anyone who thinks you're superficial for feeling the pain of aging is an imbecile. You obviously don't WANT this to be a concern, but it is anyway. A part of you is dying. Maybe you say that as a mantra as you scrutinize your body: "A part of me is dying." Notice the things that are changing and how you feel about each one. As you say goodbye to that part of yourself, give yourself space to grieve. Then I think you will be able to let the grief go.
I am not usually a fan of self-help type methodology, but things like this really work. If you want to move on, you must process the reality of what is happening first. Half-assed denial will kill you if you let it.
-
The trouble with beauty....
As Joan Collins famously said, the trouble with beauty is that it's like being born rich and getting poorer.
-
I've been there
I will be 54 in a month and know exactly what you are saying--but I did something about it that will shock, SHOCK the no nonsense readers of this column--I got a face lift for goodness sake. I had always been average-pretty, not gorgeous, not beautiful. I kept my figure going, have tried to wear up to date clothing (non matron), my personality has been one of my positive traits. But in my mid-40s, I felt that my face was starting to reveal way too much about my past-- depression, struggle, disappointment, stress.I didn't want to see it, I didn't want to relive those times. I decided to make the most of my 50s and get a full blown, go for it face lift and nose job 3 years ago. Yes, I know, shocking isn't it? Vanity prevailed. And guess what, I do feel better, people respond to me differently, I respond to me differently. I am VERY happy I did this. When I am 60, THEN I may not feel the pinch of age as hard. I may finally feel grown up and able to gracefully age. Save your money and go the best surgeon you can find.Oh, and don't apologize for it...
-
On self image
LW, I'd really think twice about cosmetic surgery--personally I have "moral" issue with it, but in general it's no great help. Just look at all the "aging" actresses who were once young beauties--Meg Ryan, Goldie Hawn and Melanie Griffith specifically come to mind--their plastic surgery is so obvious and it is also just...not good. It doesn't look good. So please really think hard before going for it; and obviously these millionaire actresses had the best plastic surgeons, so don't fool yourself into thinking you'll find "the best." That kind of surgery might get rid of a few wrinkles, but it will ruin the natural shape of a face, and if you are a natural beauty to begin with, you will not look at good. Believe it.
This letter brought up a lot of issues with me: guess who's turning 40 in a few months? My friends and I are all bemoaning the loss of our flawless skin, our lustrous hair, our bikini bodies, in my case to three children and a life too busy for enough sleep or trips to the gym. Life is hard, you know? I actually complained to my GP doctor recently that I just don't feel like I used to, that my brain is not as elastic, that I don't bounce back as quickly from fatigue, etc etc and he said "What you lose in some ways are more than made up for in wisdom and experience." But you know what, he's right. Please try to see yourself as getting better. We were all young and beautiful once, but now it's another generation's turn. Let it go.