Letters to the Editor
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Don't Believe Canards About "Every Man"
"I don't believe this and yet I am afraid that it is so, that if every man in the universe were to take a quiz and be totally, totally honest about what kind of woman he'd prefer to be with, he'd pick 'young' over any other attribute."
You're right, LW, you oughtn't believe it. I'm 54 and have a 55-yr-old boyfriend who was never attracted to younger women--even in his youth. He always appreciated maturity and experience, and has no use for even smart young women who he can't relate to in terms of life experience, not to mention popular culture.
I have two girlfriends, also in their 50s, who have boyfriends in the same age range, and no one is forcing these guys to stay in these relationships. They're each in it because he's with the right woman.
Look, I, too, used to be what some people thought was cute and pretty. I'm not bad for my age, although losing weight would do me a world of good (and is the one thing that would make me feel even better about myself, and, what's more, it's do-able).
On the other hand, while I haven't held high-level jobs as you have, I have so much going on in my life. In addition to being a mom (boys 15 and 20), I have the aforementioned boyfriend, friends, a social life. Also, I'm on the board of two volunteer organizations, and, as I do posters and publicity for one and a newsletter for the other, I'm busier than I've ever been in ways that have "unleashed" the latent artist in me (on an amateur level, but I'm having fun, and my efforts are appreciated). I even, at times, get to be creative at work.
It has recently occurred to me that I have so much opportunity to use my brain power and talents as never before, and I'm really enjoying that. Plus, I'm loved.
While I sympathize and empathize with the dread of aging and losing one's youthful looks, I am also thankful that I have a fulfilling life that I really wouldn't want to swap with anyone else.
You have so much going for you--now is not the time to wallow in insecurities! Now's the time to appreciate who you are, what you've become, and thankful that you're still as pretty (if not more so) than you ever were. Don't live your life by what you think "every man" thinks. Is your boyfriend about to throw you over? And, if he is, who needs him? If not, then he apparently has good taste in women, and knows his priorities.
Please get your own priorities straight. Good Lord, life is short enough. Keep yourself fit and healthy, and it will show. If you believe yourself to be beautiful (in a natural way) and worthy of admiration, then you always will be.
Being in your forties doesn't mean you're not "hot" (hey, I was). Your self-confidence, not botox or tummy tucks, is what will make you shine.