Letters to the Editor
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How patronizing!
LW writes as if the difference in age and experience is 30+ years rather than significantly less than 10; pushing 30 minus early 20's equals around 7-8 years difference, which is significantly (20-25%) less than a full decade. Referring to people in your own generation as "sweet, smart kids" is nothing short of ignorantly condescending, however sugar-coated.
The gargantuan level of debt accrued by the letter's subject is not apparent to me -- two recent graduates with about $20K apiece in loans is, quite frankly, nothing in this day and age, nor is some credit card debt. The medical bills are troubling, as this would indicate a lack of insurance at some point, but it could just as easily refer to fees for services insurance companies are disputing -- many a perfectly responsible person has gotten caught in the whirlwind that is medical insurance reimbursement. There is no mention made of what kind of degrees these "kids" have, nor (as Cary mentioned) potential inheritance, nor even what kind of jobs, if any. No real evidence of unmanageable debt.
There is, however, evidence of the LW's disapproval. That I hear loud and clear. LW thinks these "kids" were raised irresponsibly, buy things that are way too expensive, and generally live what the LW considers a financially-dissolute life. What LW may think is not necessarily true, and the letter gives evidence to only one thing -- the LW is narrow-minded, judgmental, and somewhat of a prude.
I also know that the LW is pretty clueless about real-world economics, given the reference to her parents' lack of wisdom. Does the LW think children are cheap to raise? Even if she was not afforded luxuries as a child, it costs a hell of a lot to raise a kid with a modicum of comfort and it's really easy to get into serious debt just making sure your kids have school clothes and straight teeth. You aren't wiser than your parents, LW, you're just probably still childless (or a new parent, at best) and are fortunate you had parents willing to go into debt for you. Have a little respect.
On that note, LW, you should do two things -- first, if your friends mention a creditor call again, ask them if all is well. That's it. Other than that, as was already noted, it's none of your business and your perspective on their finances is obviously skewed. Second thing is... try to figure out why you are trying to force your morals down a friend's throat. You won't have many friends into your 30's if you continue this way, so stop looking at what your friends are doing wrong and take a long, hard look in a sharp mirror instead.
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ololon
Wow, your response is bizarrely hostile. Do you have debt or something? A judgmental older sibling? The letter really struck a nerve with you. It seems to have short-circuited your reasoning ability. For example:
"LW writes as if the difference in age and experience is 30+ years rather than significantly less than 10; pushing 30 minus early 20's equals around 7-8 years difference, which is significantly (20-25%) less than a full decade."
The LW said they were about 10 years older. If you consider adulthood starts at 18, and assuming the debtors are 20 and the LW are 30, that would mean they have something like 6 times more experience living as adults.
Another way to look at it is that they have been on the earth for 30% longer than the debtors, since the latter's age is only 2/3 of the LWs'.
This all assumes that the LW's entire argument was based on an assumption of superior experience and judgment. It seems more rooted in a basic concern and an uncertainty whether to impose it on their friends or hold back.
"Referring to people in your own generation as "sweet, smart kids" is nothing short of ignorantly condescending, however sugar-coated."
Not sure what's ignorant about calling somebody sweet or smart. Not sure what's so condescending about calling them "kids." People in their early 20s are kids, as far as maturity is concerned.
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To the anonymous poster whose life fell apart (a few messages back)
You make it sound as if your financial life came crashing down due to circumstances completely out of your control. I think you're being dishonest (possibly to yourself as well). There are some elements in your story that really don't add up.
For one, you say you're in your 40s and "all [your] life" you were a penny-pincher and workaholic. Yet you also state that you had paltry savings -- only enough to get by for a couple months, which by my calculations couldn't be much more than $10,000 or $15,000 depending on lifestyle (which we have to assume, given your descriptions, was reasonably frugal). This does not compute. Even if we allow for a late start on your career, you should have been able to squirrel away a lot more savings than that, not to mention having a 401-K (which anybody would have if they're as careful as you say you were). It would have accrued some interest, too. So how did you manage to wind up in your 40s with barely any savings?
(If you really did have a succession of "good jobs," by the way, why didn't you take any vacations? To me a "good job" has paid vacations. And even if you're on a budget, there are cheap flights, road trips and the like.)
Then you say you lost your job 2 years ago. You say you looked and looked for a job for a year, and during that time you had no income at all. May I ask -- have you ever heard of temp jobs? You have nobody to blame but yourself if you allowed more than a couple months to pass without employment. In such a situation, the only thing to do is to suck it up and take a job you don't like. Or go into total crisis mode and initiate proceedings on the sale of your home so that you can walk away with some equity. You just don't sit around for a year without a job and a plan. You had to have been living in a state of denial.
I am sorry for being unsympathetic, and from the sound of your letter you no doubt had psychological reasons for your behavior (I am no stranger to clinical depression myself, having lived under its dark cloud most of my adult life.) I just don't think you should present a story that makes it sound like this all just randomly "happened" to you in spite of all your planning. No matter how great a job a person has, no matter how solvent, one should always be prepared to take action when things go wrong. People can't depend on having a single "velvet coffin" job to get them through life anymore.
Also, your advice, which you give in the context of a retrospetive view of your life, is horrible and will send people down the wrong path. You are aware that the qualifications for declaring personal bankruptcy have been made much more difficult? Many more people in the future will be denied bankdruptcy status and forced into a state of serfdom in which there is no escape from their debt. Suggesting that people should go ahead and buy flat-screen TVs and cruises beyond their means is hardly good advice.
Good luck! That's not pity, that's sincere.