Letters to the Editor
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student loans cannot be discharged
Just wanted to mention, since I hadn't seen anyone do it yet - yes, bankruptcy is not the same as death and you can get through it and start over, but you cannot get rid of a student loan. Something to think about when you decide to bite the bullet and get that hundred grand med or law school education (or whatever). Better be damn sure that's what you want to do with your life and damn sure you'll always be employed well enough to pay THAT mortgage in addition to the rest of your bills. It will limit your choices for a long time. (Speaking from experience.)
I'll also add a plug for Dave Ramsey's books like Total Money Makeover.
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Parents should demand this:
With all the "stuff" they stuff into high school curricula, most of which is forgotten within a decade, why oh why isn't personal finance considered a national requirement?
Never mind. I know why: Good little consumers keep the wheels turning. Smart little consumers are a threat.
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helping means active listening
The next time one of them mentions creditors calling, say: You know, you said that before, what's up? Let them do the talking. Ask what they are doing to solve the problem. Encourage the steps that make sense.
Security is more important to some people than others. The need for security increases with age, and especially with children. So, just listen and see if you can't encourage good behavior.
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Only experiences change people.
They are on their own. Young people have been sold on the idea that they can have everything, right now. The young folk in my family won't accept second half furniture or household goods, they won't shop for bargains (unless you call a house full of Walmart crap a bargain), they all have new leased cars, their children - infants! - wear brand new clothing every changing. Until they get cut off they won't listen and they won't learn. It's too bad, but if your friends are in their early 20's, they have enough time to fail and learn and rebuild.
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Another book
I love "Your Money or Your Life", but for the recovering debtor, it contains a couple of escape clauses. For me, the best book on the subject was "How to Get out of Debt, Stay Out of Debt, and Live Prosperously." It was written by a recovering debtor and is informed by the steps involved in Debtors Anonymous. For me, it was the book that made be grapple with how I was hoping for the next miracle -- bonus, raise, winning a sweepstakes, getting money from the family for Christmas or birthdays, tax returns -- to fix the current problem and how the difference between a debtor and a non-debtor is that a debtor spends the money hoping for a replacement to come along, the non-debtor uses credit as a way of spending money they have.
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Am I the only one who thinks it is none of LW's f&cking business? That nobody likes the self-righteous and patronizing do-gooder who considers him/herself superior and full of "helpful" advice?
Please mind your own business LW. I doubt that you are yourself perfect. I also doubt you know the true picture. Nor do you have a right to know the whole picture.
Mind your own business and attend to your own flaws and shortcomings. Your patronizing self-righteousness is offensive.
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introduce them to dave ramsey
My husband and I are in terrible debt-- student loans in the range you mention, mortgaged up to our eyeballs, etc. (WE have managed to eliminate credit card debt, but there are several personal debts looming out there, too).
I lived life like this, like your friends, blind to the problems it was going to cause me, until I met Dave Ramsey , the radio talk show Debt is Dumb, Cash Is King guru. Mind you, I'm not a Christian, and probably disagree with his political beliefs, but about 2 months of listening to Dave has changed the way I see our financial life. It's going to take us a loooong time to dig out of this, but at the very least, we've stopped making things worse.
Then again, you know, it's only money.
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I swear this letter was written by my ex-mother-in-law who was an absolute raging bitch
She condemned everyone and everything for being inferior to her and her happy, perfect little life (that is, until she had unexpected medical bills that were not covered by her insurance and stripped away her lifetime savings)
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Hey Debt-free, is your house paid off? Your cars? If not, you are not debt free.
And don't be surprised if one day you are slammed by medical bills or an accident that leaves one of you unable to work or are sued for something or other. Grow up and mind your own business. Really, don't you have any problems of your own or anything better to do than worry about your neighbors? People like you give the suburbs a bad name.
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Say something, but relax and don't be a drama queen
My parents had a lot of financial troubles. My mom often said that she wished her parents had taught her more about savings and investing and debt management; she has struggled her entire adult life to learn to manage money.
The upshot is that I never really learned money management skills as a kid, and picked up some bad habits from my parents' lack of skills. But around the time my mom went into the financial industry I was in high school, and we started talking about money a lot. Was it annoying to be lectured? Yes, because my mom manages to be condescending. But I recognized the subject matter was important. Also, I had an aunt who gave me a couple of the basic financial planning books.
I am eternally grateful for their advice and assistance. That helped normalize the notion of financial planning for me. Not only did I go into an industry that pays well (computer science) but I also maxed out my 401(k), have been paying down my student debt, and set aside additional money for emergency funds. (Getting laid off from my first job in 1991 taught me a lot.)
The people who have used the metaphor of eating habits are right on target, I think. Now, my friends and I discuss health and food all the time. People still make their own decisions over time, but for the most part, we exchange information, tips for healthier eating, and sources of yummy food. One of my friends gave me a fantastic vegan cookbook years ago, which taught me to start using much healthier, plant-based cooking techniques. After many years, my diet is almost entirely whole-foods healthy stuff. But my friend wasn't trying to preach to me, he was just exposing me to a new way of thinking and provided me with some tools that let me explore this new thing.
So I don't see why it's a big deal to hand your friends a couple of your financial planning books -- Suze Orman is great, because she remembers that money helps you enjoy life -- and say something positive and neutral "this totally helped me get on track when I was just getting started, I love her writing and she makes a lot of sense" and the like. If you're close enough friends, you don't have to make it a big weighty discussion. (Honestly, if they're just 20 or 22 or even 25, I think you're overreacting a little bit; the 20s are a decade in which to establish good financial habits, and 40k of school loans is not insurmountable. It's time for them to pay attention, yes, but they're not hosed yet.)
I had to be dragged kicking and screaming (in the $300 leather boots that have lasted me 8 years and 3 re-soleings) into financial stability, but it's much better on this side and I'm glad I got forced there by my mother.
Cheers and good luck