Letters to the Editor
-
The bitch is a narcissist
LW...I don't know why Cary doesn't call a spade a spade. Probably because he was addressing how you felt...not the spade who just dumped you. The truth is, your old coffee buddie is a narcissist. I mean a true narcissist.
You don't exist to her. You never did. It is a tough thing to understand when people are real to you. But you were not real to her...never were. You are just a "character" in a play that is entirely created in her mind. All she believes in is what she tells herself in her mind. The only thing that's important to her is her ego and the reality her ego creates for her.
You are entirely interchangable with another character. And when she tires of the new character, or a more interesting character comes along...*poof* the current character is deleated from the play. No warning...no communication...no concern about how you might feel. Because how you feel is not and never has been and never will be of any concern to a narcissist. Your feelings are entirely irrelevant. Her ego is all that matters...it is the world...and whether you happen to be in it or not doesn't matter one little bit.
Darling, you were trapped in a narcissist's snare. And they can be oh so charming.
You are only in their play as long as they can use you for their entertainment. And that is ALL you ever were...just entertainment...not real. That is why she can just move onto another without a bit of loss about you. She was never connected to you. She never had any emotional tie with you, even though you had one with her.
What you have to do is view her as a "robot." Really...a robot who seems like a person, but is really unable to have a real connection with anything outside her ego/mind. You have to ask yourself this: Do you really want to be friends with someone who can betray you and write you off for no reason at all except you got a job? NO! Because there IS NO connection that she has with you. You were a convenience...now you aren't. You no longer exist You never did. It really hurts to actually understand this. But you must. Next time you'll be aware.
And now you know. It is just like Cary said, to some people your aren't a person you're just "people." And it really sucks because you had what to you were heartfelt talks and intimate conversations. To her what you said was just uninteresting babble...even though she "seemed" to be there at the time. What was really going on for her is she allowed the dialog between you so as to create the "stage" upon which she acted. She was and is only interested in her thoughts an opinions. Your thoughts and opinions are completely irrelevant.
I'll bet if you play some of the tapes back of conversations you had with her in your own mind, you'll discover she really tried to get you to join her in her beliefs and opinions. You'll likely see that she really had very little interest in what was going on for you...but was actually only interested in getting you to see how great she was. She is what's important...you aren't. And now you can plainly see how true that is because you've been just cast aside without one bit of concern on her part.
It doesn't matter to her. You don't matter to her. Unfortunately she matters to you and your frindship matters to you. There is NO friendship. It's over...actually it never existed except in your mind and in your emotions.
YOU were her friend. She wasn't your friend. You have to simply get this!
As a matter of fact, and this is hard to swallow, she was probably building a file on you... judging and critisizing you in her mind all the while. While you were becoming more attached to her, she was finding you to be an inferior bore.
And that's the bottom line. A narcissist will always feel superior to all others...even if they don't state it (and they usually do). You are nothing more to them than an expendable object. You exist in there world only as a bit of entertainment. And all entertainment stops being interesting after a while.
You don't exist to her. I know folks have suggested you call her up...say you want to get together. If you do that, and she does meet you, look at your relationship with her in a different way. Observe instead of being emotionally needy and attached. Watch what she really says. You'll find that your need for friendship is what fueled your need to have a connection. And you'll also find that she is truly not connected to you at all. She is only connected to herself...like looking at herself in a mirror while she acts on the stage. Really...I mean it. Observe what is really happening instead of needing a connection yourself. You'll be amazed.
And don't get upset with yourself. These douche bags are everywhere. Unfortunately our society creates these types by the bucket load.
-
I understand, LW, even if no one else does!
A woman with young children the same age as mine moved in across the street. We hit it off immediately. Had coffee, kids played, knocked on each others' doors at any time of day just to chat. I loved it. I had always wanted a really good friend to live right on my block. And, silly me, I thought we were really good friends.
After 3 years, the owner sold the house, her lease ended, she had to move. To a house just 5 blocks away. Again, silly me, I thought that the friendship would continue. We had shared so much, I thought we would be friends forever!
Instead, it was I like I had dropped off of the face of the earth. I called, dropped by with a housewarming gift, made coffee dates. . . None of this was ever reciprocated. And I promise, I'm not that bad of a person to have around. I finally started to feel like an idiot, always being the one to call, and stopped extending myself, got angry, then got over it. But it was sad and I was very hurt for a while. Cary's right, you have to let it go, but it hurts when your find
yourself so easily replaced.