Letters to the Editor
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Lessons to be learned
This letter could have been written by me, with the situation somewhat in reverse; different circumstances. I, too, had a neighbor nearby I shared coffee with, we became close friends, & really enjoyed some great laughs & conversations over a several year period. She was very bright & alot of fun. I was working at the time, when I did some soul-searching & realized I needed to make some drastic changes in my life in order to improve it. I left my job to take time off to heal--the reasons are too lengthy to explain, but it was a very personal decision. Luckily, I was financially secure with some investments so I knew money wouldn't be a problem. That's when my troubles really started. The neighbor was older, lonely, & really needy--I felt sorry for her, wanted to lend a sympathetic ear to her when she was feeling bad, so I didn't mind hanging out with her at first. She was sooo delighted to know that I had so much time on my hands--now she had a pal to buddy with. BIG MISTAKE!
Pretty soon, the manipulation started with the bullying, the name calling, the personal attacks, the guilt trips, etc. & I knew that somehow I needed to get out of this toxic "friendship" ASAP. However stupidly or naively, I never set the proper boundaries, something I knew I should have done much earlier. I couldn't say no to her, & I felt trapped & intimidated beyond belief. This went on for about 3 months. When I refused to return a phone message she'd left on my machine one day, I later that evening recieved an extremely mean, sarcastic e-mail--& I decided that was it, I was done. I'd finally come to realize that she just had this insatiable need to control people in order to make herself feel better.
Point is,I will never again completely trust neighbors, no matter how friendly or good their intentions might seem. We really don't know what their true motives are, what goes on in their heads. By setting boundaries, we lessen the potential for emotional abuse. We can still remain friendly & cordial, as neighbors, but true friends don't treat others like s**t & that was an important lesson I needed to learn. Your neighbor is childishly needy & just wants a pal to hang with, & when you started working, she became resentful & petty. You don't need her--she's trying to manipulate your feelings by making you feel guilty for going to work. You're not at her beck & call anymore. Move on, make some new real friends that truly care about you, & for God's sake, learn to set boundaries. BTW, I've never spoken to this former "friend" again--been almost a year--& it's the best decision I've made in a long, long time.