Letters to the Editor
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Only by revealing him will you get him off your back
then write her a note saying "My emotional affair with your husband was wrong, and damaged many people. It was so long-lasting, complex and intimate that I don't think I am being fair to you by simply saying 'sorry' by email. If you'd like to learn more - well, everything - about what transpired between us while we worked together, I am willing to meet and tell you everything you want to know. It's my hope that this will bring healing to all of us."
Oh, and cc: her husband, your ex-boss.
Likely he will blast you once or twice then go off your radar permanently. Save his emails, and when his wife replies she wants to meet, you better damn well believe she wants to meet and get to the bottom of this *right now*, forward his email to you with the note "I hadn't realized that Mike (or whatever his name is) hasn't been fully forthcoming about the nature of our relationship. All I can say at this point is, it's over, I ended it, moved on and told him to do the same. I have no wish to create further tension in your marriage. I really hope the two of you can work things out."