Letters to the Editor
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I never peed myself
Not once. But I can't sing for shit, either. At all. Would trade a truly embarrassing pee incident (even two or three) for a halfway decent voice.
Good luck to you.
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Shyness is not a virtue
I too, am shy. Or at least used to be when I was younger. From one introvert to another, let me tell you that nurturing and celebrating your shy personality will not serve you well in this life. Because ultimately, shyness is all about self-involvement. Why aren't people more sensitive to my feelings? What will people think about me if I screw up? Why does no one understand me, etc. If you do foster your shyness, you will likely become more neurotic, and your world will become smaller and smaller.
The solution to the worries you bring up in your letter is to get outside of yourself. You're right -- you have a lot to offer the world. You are self-aware, sensitive, intuitive, creative, and thoughtful. But rather than use those attributes for introspection, think of how you can share them with those who can benefit and those who are a lot worse off than you.
Cary wrote a beautiful response saying this in a much more eloquent and profound way. He wrote it in a manner that should speak to you in a very meaningful way.
Getting a job where you are forced to deal with the public could help a lot. The thing that helped me get over my shyness the most was when I took a job at a gas station in my small hometown when I was 15. You could also volunteer or create a program where you share your musical talents and teach children or adults to make music together.
One final anecdote from me -- I worked doing administration for a company that was in the business of interactive group music classes for young children. Basically, the classes were all about jamming and making music together as a family. What I learned is that ANYONE can make music -- anyone can pick up some castanets or learn a simple rhythm in a drum, and when you play with other people you are creating something great together. And it is amazing to teach someone something simple with music and watch their personality grow. It inspired me to start learning the guitar, which was a lot easier than I thought.
Stop thinking about yourself and turn your thoughts to other people. Not just for their sake, but most importantly for your sake. You don't have to turn into an extrovert. People aren't thinking about you as much as you think. Direct your energies outwards -- you'll feel better and worry less.
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olaighaire said:
"You're looking at your insides and comparing them to other people's outsides."
Oh that is so good!
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WTF?!?!?
So the Letter Writer writes to Cary about her fear that she will be judged not-good-enough, and in response, he drones on and on about himself without ever really addressing LW's fears. Nice going. Afraid your music won't be good enough? Ha!Even your letter about your music isn't good enough! Let's talk about ME!!!
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Sing it loud
I read the letter to Cary and had an answer that was decisive and critical. It was a group of words that seemed helpful and important. Then I read Cary's response and d***, it blew me away from this desk where I bang on keys to communicate something to people I don't know. I was momentarily back to the dank preschool then the chalky smell of elementary school. All those feelings and sensations came rushing back, including memories of humiliation and discouragement. Overwhelmed and inspired at once? At first I was somewhat annoyed with the response, because it moved me so far away from where I'd decided to begin, now I realize it was such a gift. I am going to write all these memories out.
Yes, bring your gift LW. Bring it! See what gifts can do?
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Have you ever considered...?
Oh Spazzy Pee Girl, I feel your pain. I was the morbid, socially-awkward, overweight, misanthropic boy in the back of the class and music saved my life. You didn't mention genres, but have you considered punk rock? I know it's immature and juvenile and all the rest, but it's also vital and alive and forgiving and cathartic to play.
When I play with my band, fear doesn't even exist- I am a white-hot point, a mass of anger and love and passion and I don't think I could even live without that feeling. Whatever else you do, go play music. Take that fear and that anger and turn it into noise and melody. Lay it on out there and don't even stop to consider about what other people might think about it.
Besides, if you start a punk band "The Spazzy Pee Girls" is a pretty good band name, right?
You were brave to write your letter. Thank you.
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Yeah, we're all "gifted."
Gift, schmift. If you want to sing, sing. If he tries to get in your pee-filled pants, see if you want him to or not, and if you want him to, let him, and if you don't, don't.
There. I gave you good advice, and you didn't even have to read about me, me, me and my childhood biological humiliations.
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sounds familiar
i had the exact same experience in first grade, word for word. i was too scared to raise my hand, too scared to ask the teacher, and somehow decided that peeing my pants was a far better plan anyway. until class was over and i got up out of my desk. the rest of the story involves children pointing at me and laughing, the nurse's office, my mom and a clean pair of pants.
i am now 37 and i still beat myself up about my reticence to "put myself out there". i am far less shy than i used to be, but still have a hard time making friends, letting people know i like them, having functional relationships etc.
one bit of self-awareness i've come to recognize is that i suffer from anxiety. i never knew this, even though some members of my immediate family have anxiety, even though i bit my nails for 29 years (and still regress occasionally), even despite a million moments in my life that would have, had i thought about them in that context, demonstrated that to me.
i didn't realize i had anxiety until i started dating someone with anxiety and did some research on the internet to find out how anxiety affects relationships. what i found was a description of me.
anyway, find a good psychiatrist. some meds might help you, some may not. keep trying.