Letters to the Editor
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Spazzy pee girl...
...did you grow up in the suburbs outside Chicago?
Because I SWEAR you were my best little friend in the 3rd grade who always peed at her desk. And I'd always lean across the stinky aisle and ask incredulously "Did you just pee?"
And my friend would invariably respond "No, that water was already there from this morning."
And I'd always just accept it at face value. I wasn't the spazzy pee girl. I was the spazzy pee girl's friend: I'll-believe-whatever-you-need-me-to-believe girl.
So I think first and foremost maybe find a friend like that. I like to think I was comforting to her when she was mortified in shame and I was insistently telling the teacher "No that water was there this morning."
Anyway that girl went off to college and is wildly successful now. She pees appropriately these days.
I'm spazzy farting-in-elevators girl now. I don't know what it is about the ol' GI tract, but I always, invariably, have to let a really horrible one rip...especially, god help me, if a good-looking man is getting on the elevator with me.
Sometimes you just have to take ownership of all that. Just let it go. Pee, fart, scream, vomit, holler, sing, create, perform, this is just what you've got to do right now. If the guy in the elevator wants to let one rip with you, well, that sounds like a symphony to me. And what a fun one! Even with the stink, it'll be fun.
Listen: if I guy is going to invite me to fart with him in the elevator I'm going to take it because I know I have to anyway, and company sounds hilarious.
At least you want to do something that others will appreciate, and that is fun without the drawbacks of toxic fumes in an enclosed space.
Enjoy!