Letters to the Editor
-
Yes, honor the anger...
Bravo, Carey! Right on target!
This is one of these times I really feel for the LW. I was raised to repress anger in the name of Christianity and "niceness." Entirely predictably, I went to a very secular college and abjured Christianity and discovered, around the age of 22, that I actually have a hell of a temper and it can be used to limit the amount of annoyance I experience. I remember being quite disgusted and ashamed of myself in high school (a snakepit of a high school) because I couldn't fend off bullies with what I thought of as civilized behavior. But resolving a conflict or misunderstanding in a civilized manner requires two civil people, and when there's only one involved, there's no reason that she should allow herself to be trampled by the non-civil party. There is a time to say "Excuse me," and there is also a time to say, "Fuck off!"
I was most relieved, later, to learn that I was not a natural-born asswipe, but a person with a temper and the verbal facility to channel it productively. I still remember how full of rage I felt for a few years after that - I had a 22-year supply with plenty of accrued interest. And my personal policy on the social contract changed and evolved - forbearance is for people who are doing their best, generosity is for the generous, politeness is for the polite, and temper is for the bloody-minded who can't keep their mouths closed or their hands to themselves. I have come to feel that it is no favor to the assholes of the world to encourage their bad behavior with forbearance...they keep doing what they've been doing, others continue to suffer from their behavior, and the meek, far from inheriting the earth, grind their teeth and develop hypertension.