Letters to the Editor
-
free advice 24/7
Like with all addictions whether it be food, drugs, booze, sex, gambling, shopping, there is no such thing as just a little. It is absolutely black and white.
What? No such thing as 'just a little' food, sex or shopping...?
-
Weekend Warriors
{I generally drink more than I should. So, what do I do? I set rules. I do not drink during the week. I drink on Friday and Saturday nights. I sometimes allow myself to drink more than I should, but not during the week.}
Classic falsehood the above is known as your typical weekend warrior. Still an alcoholic but because they only drink on "weekends" of course they are not like "others" and or nearly as bad. In fact this is often worse on the liver itself because of the amount they consume in two days versus what they would've done so had it been spread out over several instead. It's like being a little pregnant. You either quit or you don't.
-
If you have to ask...
then you've got a problem.
Been there, done that. (Not the grad student part, but the big move and the strange job and the too-much-booze parts). Ten years sober this month. Life's never been better and I'm grateful every single day.
It doesn't matter so much how you quit. Do what works. AA works for some, not others. I went to a few meetings when I first quit and found it wasn't necessary after a month or two. But I had an excellent support system (meaning I had a fantastic roommate with no tolerance for BS and a willingness not to have alcohol around until I was okay, not to mention sympathetic friends and family; I also had other things to do in life besides go to bars and cocktail parties -- not everyone has that).
Make a list when you're sober: what do I need to keep alcohol at bay? A friend to help me get home without buying wine? Another friend to call when I want to go out and buy some? A book to read to distract me? If you have to invent reasons for yourself to hang out with people who DON'T drink, fine for the moment. Eventually you'll get honest and just tell people, "Thanks, but I don't." You'll be amazed at how many people just don't give a big rat's ass what's in your glass.
Don't worry about motivation for getting drunk. You can figure that out later, when you aren't drinking any more. It doesn't matter why you drink -- you could research your motivations all day long for years and years and not quit because you haven't figured out why you drink, or you could quit, period. You still have to fix your life after you quit, but at least you won't be effing it up any more from being much more drunk than you think you are.
AA may not be right for everyone but it's sure an easy source of people who know what you're going through and know how sneaky drinkers are and will help you get sober.
And the wisdom of "one day at a time" cannot be overstated.
Good luck. I'll be thinking about you.
-
binge drinking
do you lose control over the amount of alcohol you consume once you start?
this is the basic question to ask yourself. if this is the truth, please take yourself to the nearest aa meeting or other alternative support group. if aa is not your thing, purchase the book, aa, not the only way. it is available on amazon. if you go to any number of aa meetings, take the 20 question test to discover FOR YOURSELF if you are indeed an alcoholic. these questions are also available on line at aa.org
your drinking and medication are a bad marriage. because of the interaction in the central nervous system, the combination will inevitably lead to blackouts where you won't know if you drove or not until there are serious repercussions.
there is no cutting down. once you turn from a cucumber to a pickle, you can not return to the former.
good luck.
-
You moved across the Atlantic?!
I also loved your letter and am answering the first question that came to me. You were very fragile and self-destructive. Then a fabulous therapist, and there are not that many, helped you so much that you found a terrific man and felt more whole, maybe you felt almost healed. Or really healed.
The one thing you did not share is why, when everything was going so well, you left your partner and headed alone to a new environment.
I think that is the juncture at which you claim to have gotten depressed again, and started eventually drinking too much. Cary has handled the drinking end as have others here.
To me, what is glaring, is that you have had a hard life and have the inner scars to show for it, as do most of us. Knowing that about yourself, I wonder why you split? Having a great mate is such a wonderful tonic after all you've been through, why didn't you go for a Ph.D where you'd have his and your mom's support, not to mention this therapist's? I think that was unwise. As someone who never drinks but yes has had a few major depressions, I would never forget that I need a loving context in which to live, maybe far more than those who are less wounded. Did you not calculate this about yourself and have you considered returning to a more nuturing place?
I have also moved countries a few times but I always anticipate the anxiety/depression and so make sure I have a safety net, people who I love, with me. Or else, I do not go alone into a hard new reality. Why, dear LW, did you. And do you think this above reflection relevant?
-
'just a little'
Like with all addictions whether it be food, drugs, booze, sex, gambling, shopping, there is no such thing as just a little. It is absolutely black and white.
What? No such thing as 'just a little' food, sex or shopping...?
People that suffer from addiction are unable to comprehend moderation. They tend to be extremists. With alcohol, drugs and gambling there is no gray area. With food, shopping and sex however, clearly it's so much more difficult as this is still such an intricate part of our daily regiment albeit the shopping. Therefore it often treated with intense counseling, medications which tend to lessen the obsessive and compulsive thoughts and desires - which do help immeasurably to break the pattern but certainly do not cure the disease. Behavior therapy, understanding and accepting the characteristics and traits of the disease through knowledge and education is how you learn to live with it. Food is a requirement alcohol is obviously not.