Letters to the Editor
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For some reason I found this letter just unbearably boring
Maybe this is because I finished my Ph.D two years ago and I am just as tired as hell of whiny-ass grad students lamenting all of their troubles and agonizing over every little meaningless detail of their lives. Oh, deary me, do I drink too much? Oh, my, the troubles I am enduring!
My friend, your stress level is going to increase, and increase dramatically when the real work starts, so you'd better do some growing up and get a grip. Some people really have problems and some people like to whine and lament and talk all about themselves for hours and hours. Which are you?
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a friendly word
I just want to add: good luck and godspeed.
DH
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Don't take anybody's advice here -- see a professional.
I will give you some advice, and Cary did, and many others here will give you all sorts of advice and insight. It will be interesting, some of it useful, some of it tangential. But the most important thing is to be skeptical of all of it, and make sure you take yourself to see a professional therapist (somebody trained and licensed) and get set up with regular visits. These people have master's degrees in psychology, social work and many other realms and they've got an entire history of research and experience at their fingertips. Plus, by going to see somebody, you are being active, not passive, about bettering yourself and your situation. This makes a huge difference. Sitting and typing a letter to Cary, and reading responses, is very passive. You want to do something that forces you to make a schedule, get up, get moving and GO somewhere. Then you're DOING something. It helps a lot; I know from experience.
Now for my paltry advice (and it really is paltry). Those bottles of wine you keep buying and drinking at night? Cut back! You don't have to cut yourself off, just cut it down, very consciously and deliberately. Next time you go to the store, buy fewer bottles. Next time you open one up to drink and feel buzzed/tipsy, drink 2 glasses instead of 3 or 4. (If you're drinking a whole bottle a night, you're putting a hell of a lot of strain on your liver and the rest of your body, and it will mess up your body over time.) If you can't go cold turkey, at the very least cut back. This is actually pretty easy....you drink 2 glasses, cork the bottle, and put it in the fridge. Done. Don't go back to the fridge. You're done. I don't care if you have to masturbate to get yourself to sleep, or hit yourself in the head with a tennis racket until your face looks like a waffle, don't drink any more. (Don't take sleeping pills or any other medication either, unless it's prescribed....in which case you shouldn't be drinking.)
My other advice is this: You're obviously full of stress and neurosis and worry and you probably have a very active and searching mind, full of creative possibility. And that mind gets diverted down weird paths where you hit dead-ends and go in circles and don't know how to get out, and you're truly "lost in thought" and everything's blubbedy-blubbedy and you're all mixed up. So there's this: Stop. Take a deep breath. Close your eyes. Take another deep breath. Think of the things you care about -- decency, quality, world peace, whatever. Take another deep breath.
Then do some nice things for yourself. Take yourself on a walk. Go alone, take a friend, do something inexpensive and healthful that you like. Go window shopping. Be nice to yourself. And this is important: Exercise. Exercise regularly, especially in the morning. It brings up your metabolism all day, makes you look better and feel better, staves off constipation, and makes it easier to sleep at night (without having to drink). Eat healthy foods, lots of fibers -- fruits and veggies -- and go light on breads, pastas, and other junk that gets stuck in your intestines. Actually eat anything you want, but in small portions. Avoid all processed food though....no more Dorito's, sorry.
Those are really paltry bits of advice and they won't help you with all your relationship issues. For that only time and experience and reflection and, well, probably much more than that will be required. It isn't meant to be easy.
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Drinkin' prob
Hmm, could not read all of the LW's letter or all of Cary's response. Read most of LW'S letter and most of Cary's response, but not all of each. My eyes got glassy (gee, I wonder why? If you've been there, you'll know what I mean.)
Please don't drink and drive. Thank God I don't do that.
But the damage I've done to my career over the years . . .Always just enough to function, but not enough to function at the level my resume, my employers and certainly the level I thought I was capable of. Plus, the destruction you are doing to yourself, your close people, your job, of course . . .icky, but, I'm doing it right now, too.
At least I don't drive when I've been drinking.
There will be writers telling you how weak you are. Well, yes and no. Alcoholism is one of the hardest addictions to break. Cigarettes, too. Meth is way worse than pot or coke. However, sometimes I want to throw something at the overeaters who tell me how rotten I am when I only go to my room in the evening and drink until I fall asleep. At least I'm responsible enough not to drive and I'm responsible for no one. And I will not be a "burden" on society for any medical issues.
But, if I hear one more person that's overweight by 100+ pounds or more tell me I'm a "sinner," or "weak," or an "addictive personality" while they're shoving a second and often third helping of meat/gravy or dessert into their mouths, I'm gonna scream.
There are so many places and/or treatment options available to you. Just remember, don't beat yourself up for this. Believe me, there will be enough family/friend and public that will give you "flak" for this (if they hear about this, if your family/friends don't already know about your problem). Screw 'em. Get the help. Believe me, if you're writing this letter, you've got a problem. And it sounds like it's still early enough to treat effectively.
DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP ABOUT THIS. QUIETLY GET SOME HELP, OTHERS DON'T NEED TO KNOW ABOUT IT. BUT YOUR DRINKING WILL NOT GET BETTER BY YOURSELF. YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO STOP THIS WITHOUT OUTSIDE HELP, BUT ALSO AA IS NOT ALWAYS THE BEST WAY. ALL THE SMOKING IN THOSE MEETINGS MADE ME LEAVE EARLY. AND DO NOT DRIVE WHILE DRINKING!