Letters to the Editor
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I'm amazed...
That you went overseas for a PhD. program, and left everything (including the love of your life) behind like that...for someone that just got their life back together, you sure know how to potentially wreck it all over again.
I'm not saying you are weak or incapable of getting your PhD...but if you have that fragile of a background, emotionally, then jumping off and going overseas like that is really going to put a strain on your sanity...although I'll at least give you credit for recognizing that you may be on the verge of screwing up your life again.
To answer you main question, though: yes, you do have a drinking problem. I don't know how anyone can keep up with the Brits and their incessant drinking, but if you already see problems in your life and it's because you enjoy drinking too much, AND you can't control it, then you need to either 1) stop drinking completely, or 2) go back home and pursue a PhD. at another university, in an environment where you have more emotional stability.
I discovered many years ago that alcohol and excess go hand-in-hand together with me...otherwise, drinking just ain't no fun. I did try the "French" wine diet of 1-2 glasses of wine a day for a few weeks with every meal...but then I noticed that if missed a day for whatever reason, I would get kinda cranky and irritable...and then I would try to make up for it the following day, which inevitably led to tipsy-ness, etc. I took that as my cue to NOT drink on a regular basis any longer...I may have a stiff one every few months, but that's about it now, because I know my own failings...and if I had my run of the liquor store every day, I would be boozing it up all the time.
And it doesn't matter if you are a "happy drunk" (like I was) or a raging alcoholic...being drunk is just that, no matter what type of drunk you may think you are.
So...just don't f'ing drink alcohol any more. Have a club soda (blech!) or a diet coke or something when you go out, but leave the alcohol behind...if you don't, you'll be putting yourself at great risk.