Letters to the Editor
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Yes, but don't be too hard on yourself
Dear LW,
You have so much going right and you do know the answer. What is interesting is that despite incredible odds (abuse, PTSS, anxiety disorder(s), etc.), you have reinvented yourself. A PhD, in England at 32? Wow. And you say you feel somewhat isolated, or that you miss those who know you best. If you didn't say that, it would be very strange. Think about all that you are doing right first and acknowledge that you are motivated and that you are strong.
Now about this alcohol. I too have a crush on wine. Some very bad things have happened when there is too much. Judging by the letters in response to yours, I am surrounded by alcoholics, have been one and perhaps am in danger of this again. Yet, I am not cut off from everyone I love, in another country, without support. I do hear your motivation and drive in your letter and it does sound like you can beat this.
You sound busy and lonely, so, some ideas: Surround yourself with people who are consistent, those who get you and can really listen. Be militant about your workouts, start a grueling training regimin or run, every day. Trust me, you won't be able to stay up long enough to drink like that if you are working your arse off in the AM. Invoke this health and make it your new lifestyle and your new mantra. We are what we continually do. Every time you want to slip, think of everyone who has ever loved you and everyone who has ever hurt you. Everyone has something that can turn that dial for them and you will find it, if you haven't already taken your power back.
Hang in there! You are only human and this is a serious challenge, but you already know what you have to do. The past can't hurt you anymore.