Letters to the Editor
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Sounds Like OCD To Me
This sounds like OCD to me.
The LW thinks constantly about HP, and then compulsively surfs HP sites. It is so bad that she feels the need to hide her thoughts and actions from others.
There is nothing inherently wrong with this; it is only a problem if it interferes with her life, which it sounds like it is.
I wonder if the LW has a history of other OCD behaviours/thoughts.
I also wonder if this is how she deals with stress.
I do not think it is quite as benign as Carey seems to think.
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I'd think this letter was completely fake
Except that I just came out of a three-month obsession with the very same fandom. (Different ship, though: Harry/Severus, the slashier the better.) I came home every night and searched for new stories. On weekends, I didn't leave the house because I was too busy online. And I had about two months of really good dreams about The Boy Who Lived and his Greasy Potions Master. Luckily, my friends are tolerant of my random obsessions, and I don't have any kids. (The cats can look after themselves.)
But I was so easily absorbed in a fictional world because my boyfriend broke up with me in July, and my first novel got rejected in August, and I wondered if all the praise I'd been handed was just a fluke. For me, the fandom was about nursing my wounds and taking time out from the real world. And about two weeks ago, I read a jewel of a story, with the perfect Snarry relationship, and I was done. Obsession over. I started revising the novel tonight.
I don't know what you're dissatisfied with in your current life, but if you're neglecting that life in favor of reading online romances, then there must be something wrong. Do you love your husband the same way Hermione loves Ron? Is he as good to you as Ron is to Hermione? What does Miss Granger have that you don't?
Figure that out, and then write your own life. Good luck.
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The most dangers Cary Tennis response I remember ever seeing
The LW is distressed. She is being consumed by her obsession, and understands that it needs to stop. But she doesn't know how to stop it, so she writes to the advice columnist asking for help.
What does Tennis do? He jovially cheers her on. Go for it, he says. All that tension and stress and dispair is misplaced. You aren't experiencing a problem. Why do you think it's a problem?
God, LW, ignore utterly everything Tennis has said, and look elsewhere for some real help.
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Oh please
OCD?? Give me a break. She likes HP fic and wants to read it. Believe me, hundreds of thousands of literate fans go through this. It's not frigging OCD. It's absolute delight at discovering hundreds and hundreds of new stories about characters that one is fond of. It's called a literary interest. If we're going to pathologize a love of reading, then I don't know what!
LW, there's nothing wrong with what's happening to you. I've never been into HP (little boy wizards, *yawn*), but I had my own fascination of the exact same type, and went through the same thing. I was lucky in that my particular interest yielded a selection that wasn't anywhere near as big as the one you're wading through, but I had lots of fun too. Of course, I don't have a family to hide from, but honestly, if I did, I still wouldn't hide. It's just fic, after all. It's not like you're surfing for kiddie porn!
Just relax and enjoy yourself, and if you want to feel less guilty, just tell your family what you're up to. You'll get eye-rolling, laughs, and occasional teasing from then on. If that's not too tough for you to handle, go for it. After some time, your fascination will wear off (you'll find all the stories you like, or you'll wander away from HP)...or maybe not. I know many fans who are perfectly happy reading (and writing!) fanfic for years, regardless of age. (Many of the ones I know are quite a bit older than you.)
Reading is GOOD FOR YOU. Repeat that 25 times daily, and call me in the morning,
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Sounds familiar......
I am a SAHM, and shortly after the birth of my third child, I got hooked on the discussion boards of a TV show's website. I liked the topic of the show, and eventually I felt like I knew some of the more frequent posters. There was a ton of outside discussion--lots of people discussing their problems, their ideas on current events, philosophical conversations.... It was a lot of fun, and intellectually stimulating for a woman living in a dinky town, home with 3 very small children. It was also familiar. A year or so before I met my now-husband, I got very caught up in a mailing list comprised of (mostly) women who owned rabbits. I was lonely, and even though I loved my job, I needed a mental break from it (though probably not every 20 minutes).
At any rate, this particular discussion board had a counter which kept track of the amount of time members had logged in. One day, I noticed that I had clocked a total of 48 hours (over several months). That was 2 days of my life. I quit cold turkey.
I still have an online habit (I'm here!) But I try to keep a better grip on it. Sometimes, when you're working so hard, and spending a lot of time with children, you need mental space, and going online provides it. It can be a little hypnotic, but more engaging than TV. If it's just something you do to decompress at the end of the day, fine. But it seems like more than that. And it doesn't matter if it's Harry Potter or nuclear physics. If you believe it's interfering with your life, then it is. Try to quit it cold turkey. Pick a vacation time, perhaps. It will be a little difficult. You might be a little irritable, or feel like something's missing. But try to fill the time with something else--games with your kids, working out, reading a novel or something that is not similar to Harry Potter. Some romantic time with your husband. Crafts that keep your hands busy. Before long, however, you will feel the pull of the fansites lessen. Plus, the online world is a transient one. Each time I tried to revisit the lists and boards I had been so involved in, they had changed and become unrecognizable. It did not take long. I no longer found them appealing. And I don't miss them now.
You can quit. It will be easier than you think, and you won't miss it as much as you imagine.
Best wishes!