Cary, you're always the one looking for the subtext, and you missed it here. The letter writer's concern is valid: his girlfriend's daughter is packing the equivalent of a loaded .45 and has no idea how to handle it.

Letter Writer, rent the movie "Smooth Talk," and suggest that your girlfriend and her daughter watch it together. It's based on the Joyce Carol Oates story "Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been," and it's about a teenaged girl who, intoxicated with her own sexual power, gets in way over her head.

The movie ends more happily than the story does -- but either way, it's a conversation every parent needs to have with every teenage girl: you're more powerful than you know, but that power comes with a lot of risk. It's fine to pretend and experiment, but it's more important to be safe.

Cary, I love you, but even for you this made no sense. And I mean in an "I think the old man's taken too many meds" kind of way, not an "I don't agree with what he's saying" kind of way. What the hell was that? About death and childbirth and bosses?

I'm here for my second Halloween in the USA, and I agree that as an outside observer at least, the whole thing seems to be about being a slut. I couldn't find a costume that wasn't "sexy this" or "sexy that" (sexy border patrol was my favorite... only in America.) But I don't agree that it's a good thing, and I'm normally the most liberal and do-your-own-thing of person... Shake off the shackles of your puritanical society, sure, but just like the kid who can't drink until he's 21, people who are denied opportunity to break loose go seriously over-the-top once they get one. And it's ugly.

As a foreign woman Halloween scares me, and I know it scares my (mid-twenties) male friends here, who go out and take a shine to the slutty girls and then get yelled at because the girls are only 15, you disgusting men, how dare you. Because it was obvious from the suspenders and the fishnets and the blow dries and naughty nurse get up... ninth graders! Of course!

And the girls... you poor, poor girls.

I was excited to have a Halloween like I'd seen on television. Now it just scares the life out of me... in an 'I want to go home' way, not a 'look at the scary monster!' kind of way.

I went to the local vintage clothing/costume store this weekend, which was given over mostly to costumes. All of the staff were dressed up - all the females in some form of bustier/assless chaps/fishnet stockings (the men, needless to say, were fully clothed). I don't think they were even trying to be anything, just half naked. Seriously, bare asses hanging out. In the name of Halloween. At another store I went to with my kids there was "Slutty Dorothy" and "Slutty Goldilocks". Even my 11 year old was appalled.

Cary, you missed the point. Halloween has become an occasion for girls to dress as trampy as possible and we celebrate this because??? We should just accept this in the pathetic name of women's empowerment??? No. Instead, we should be asking why young women need to look like a slut so badly. Is this really as far as women have come on the empowerment front? Pathetic.

The LW is right in being concerned for this 16 year old. But she's just following the latest trend and without parental involvement, who could be surprised?

I think Cary ultimately hit the nail on the head with this one. Halloween is fun and Cary's response was fun. Sometimes that's the way to go.

You seem to be saying one night a year let's throw off the shackles of who the world wants us to be and just be something exotic and mysterious that satisfies our needs for something wild and different. How does dressing as a slut do that? I went with my sister to buy her 8-year-old daughter a devil costume. She was eight and the costumes they had for her age group were spaghetti-strapped red dresses. I'm not a prude in the least but I like to use my imagination. It was ridiculous. My sister bought it. It seems to be the norm. I feel old writing this letter, kind of. For Halloween my daughters have been hunchbacks, flappers, Cleopatra, Dorothy, a cat-witch, stuff that wasn't sexy but that was fun and used imagination. That's really what Halloween is all about. Being a slut is all about lack of imagination.

but some creeps are real, and the scary thing is, they look like everybody else. Perhaps the LW's friends need to be reminded of this. Their daughter might be having fun, trying out her sexual power, but in doing so, she could run into someone who could ruin her life. As adults, we need to warn our daughters and try to protect them from what's out there.

And honestly, even grown women need to be careful. A risque outfit, a few drinks to cloud your judgment, and the party may not end as well as it began.

Have fun, but please, don't take chances!

Leah

I'm not sure why the subtitle says that the daughter is 16. LW says,

My girlfriend has a daughter who is a senior in high school.

She is most likely 17, maybe even 18. Next year she will be a freshman in college, where she will most likely attend frat parties in sexy outfits, try alcohol, and maybe even have sex.

When she wears a slutty costume for Halloween, she knows what she is doing. When you say, "It seems like she's just playing a role that she doesn't really understand " -- I'm afraid this is naive.

Young women today are aware of sex, female sexuality, and the meaning of "slut" at a very early age. Trust me, this young woman knows all about sex. She probably wants to have sex, even if she is waiting for marriage (or for college). She wants to feel sexy and attractive, and Halloween is the perfect excuse to sex it up without being labeled a slut by her peers. She and her friends are going to do each other's make up, take pictures, and giggle all night long.

When I saw the headline, I thought the article was going to be about preteens dressing like sluts... "My 11 year old wants a thong" or something like that... But a senior in high school? Come on. She will be a legal adult soon, if she isn't already.

You say she is a "good kid" who is probably not having sex. That's great. She sounds like a responsible young woman who generally makes good choices. Don't patronize her by confusing her with an innocent little girl who doesn't know what she is doing. She knows what "slut" means. She also knows that a night of silly Halloween fun doesn't mean that she is one.