The most important underlying principle in this matter, is that your religious beliefs, or lack of them, are yours alone, and nobody else has a right to prise them out of you, or to change them.

The conflict here is with another principle - honesty - and your deception in signing the statement of faith.

But this was not a deception which materially affected your education at this establishment, in the sense that say a misstatement of income in order to qualify for a scholarship, or a fraudulent statement of past educational qualifications would have been.

Enforcing a statement of faith as a condition of entry could be seen as the institution trying to control your thoughts. Indeed, I wonder how many of those who sign this statement do actually conform exactly to what they have signed, or whether their changing beliefs continue to conform during the whole period of their education at this institution.

If you now see your signing of the statement as a mistake, that doesn't automatically mean therefore you are compelled to disclose that mistake, particularly as it has no material impact on your studies there, or if you now regard the original requirement to sign this statement as unethical.

The only victim of your lapse in honesty in this case is yourself, but the issues there (again) are yours alone.

Hello Atheist in Hiding and welcome to the world of skepticism. There is a nice spectrum of this from people who have doubts either about God's existence or power or doubts about things they are not supposed to doubt, like the world created in seven days and the virgin birth to people like Hitchens who grow horns and frighten the faithful.

In your present circumstances, I suggest you be practical and, like Satan, I am here to offer you evil rationalizations. First, if that college you are going to benefits from one cent of federal money, then in my opinion, by requiring you to sign a religious oath, they are utterly evil. You see there is this concept called a wall of separation posited by some our our founding fathers. They may not necessarily have had atheists in mind but they did want to protect people of varying beliefs from tyranny. So if any single student on your campus gets Pell Grants or government sponsored Financial Aid in the form of loans or even work study funds, then your college has no business prescribing religious beliefs for its students. Don't worry about the oath. Worry about what will best benefit you as you pursue your education. You may, over time, find that you are uncomfortable with a certain religious slant in some of your classes. If this is the case you might have more fun and be more challenged at a secular university.

Second, where do you anticipate living once you have graduated? In small towns all over the Bible Belt, professing atheism loudly would mean you simply could not get hired. In most of Utah and much of Wyoming, professing atheism will put your very economic future at risk. Employment discrimination utterly lives when it comes to atheism or even not being a Mormon in Mormon country or not being a Christian in the South. Trust me. There are plenty of people keeping their beliefs "underground." I currently live "underground" in a small Texas town. I am researching background for a book that deals tangentially with hypocrisy in religious faith. I even go to church, say an occasional amen, and attend pot lucks among church people. Once in awhile, I can't stand it and say something outrageous. Today, in a local shop, I said that I thought the Iraq war should end. The clerk who waited on me was so outraged that she couldn't bring herself to wish me a nice day. I had one anyway.

Third, family is tricky. You really can't have close, honest relationships with anyone whom you are basically lying to about who you are. How much do your parents love you, Atheist in hiding? Unconditional love means that we continue to love people even when they don't agree with us. Frankly, I recommend a gradual approach. Someone earlier suggested the Unitarian-Universalist Church. This is a possibility. I had all sorts of problems with my parents when I just told them that I was an atheist. My mother took it especially hard. After I began attending the UU Church, they brightened up a bit. They thought anything with the word church appended to it had to be good. I did not bother to explain much beyond the fact that it was NOT Christian. I could have stuck my atheism in their face again, but I was willing to accept that they and I, for many reasons, were not likely to have a close relationship. Besides, I had faded from atheist to agnostic. I am no longer as sure of anything as I was when I was 24.

You may find that you too mellow a bit. This new found lack of faith is like undiscovered territory for you. You will simply have to chart your own course as we all have. The nice thing about skepticism is that it isn't prescriptive. You don't have to believe a certain way in the world of unbelief. You simply turn out to be whomever you really are.

I understand your reasons, but I'm bothered about signing the statement. No big deal, going to a religious school that has a program you want and that works for you, except that this school has the statement as a condition, and you signed it. Not only do I think that by definition that means it's not the school for you, but it also just cuts a beeline to the heart of unethical. It's an active lie, rather than a passive one, and the fact is that you might have taken away a place of someone who does properly belong there. Also there are people contributing money to your school because they think the students are Christian. It doesn't matter what religion it is, or what other people's opinions of their beliefs are. I'm one of those people who think all are worthy of respect, and belittling what's important to them is disrespectful.

Second, friends: I think you can let your encounters be your guide. Someone said something about how to deal with being asked to say grace, and I think that's a good idea. Like relying on one's kids' questions when it comes to knowing how much to tell them about sex, I think you can trust that they won't ask if they're not ready to hear. And then, just let the conversation be your guide. And don't hesitate to close the conversation if it gets unpleasant. You'll learn which friends you are able to talk to it about and which you will find yourself steering clear of the subject with, but the point is that you'll have paid them all the honor of your honesty.

Third, parents. I've had lots of friends in your situation, and unless they're TRULY out to lunch, the pattern in every case has gone like this: they'll be upset at first, there will probably be a bad patch, but within a couple of years, there will be peace. Everyone will be polite and not press the issue, because they know that they have a choice between driving you off or keeping you near. They'll pray and trust God to eventually bring you around, and they'll keep loving you. You're only 20, so you probably have a lot of years ahead with your parents and it would be sad to always have this pretense there.

I keep coming back to the notion of honesty. I can't be one of those people who says it's okay to lie, because I think that's just insulting to the other people, and doesn't give you relationships that are worth a hoot in the long run. Yes, there are risks, but do you want real contact with other people or not? All relationships find their right place in your life if you go about it openly, but stacking the deck with pretense doesn't really allow that to happen. And it doesn't mean you have to have it out every time Christmas rolls around. Mentioning it once can be enough, if that's all you and the other person want to say about it.