I became a Buddhist many years ago and went through a similar questioning of what's "proper" as far as coming out. I can only tell you that every situation is going to be different. If a friend wants to discuss religion or politics, I have no trouble chiming into the conversation with my own beliefs. My religion is no different than my political positions. They are a part of me.

But, in the same way I don't run down the street screaming "I'm a Democrat you crazy rightwing nutjobs," I also don't run down the street screaming "I'm a Buddhist you crazy God-fearing Christians."

If the moment is philosophical or personal, feel free to share. It's great to listen and discuss beliefs. But, don't brag, boast or make it into an in-your-face argument.

As for school, forget it. Get your education. Don't take on the burden of more costs and more loans and transfers just to "be free" with your beliefs. You're there for that degree. Focus on that and forget the rest. The rest is just a silly piece of paper.

And, with the parents, don't try so hard. It seems my parents and I fell into a "don't ask, don't tell" policy pretty easily. I have never announced my Buddhism to them. I thought about it, but then I realized that my religious zealot mother would cry and spend the rest of her life trying to get me back. She'd feel compelled to. This declaration of mine would personally hurt her. So, I never declared.

She has to know. There are paintings and statues of Buddha all over my house, which she has visited. She knows I had a friend in Japan whose family ran a Buddhist temple and whom I was very close to while living there.

But the silence is enough for her. If I can "not declare," she can live with pretending not to know. Perhaps it is a form of lying, but hurting her is not something worth the "freedom" of declaration. I can practice my religion on my own turf, on my own time, in my own head. Declarations neither change that, nor do they reinforce that.

So, just relax a little. It's not really a BFD. Honestly.

The writer is only 20 years old. Why is it of utmost importance to finish a degree quickly? The degree is not the thing, the education is. Another year or two of study is not so long. Study at an institution that offers a more well-rounded education would be more useful anyway.

Why choose this Christian school in the first place? Surely there are other public colleges to attend. If not, move to where one is or take on-line courses.

Atheist in Hiding is trying to make the school and those who would reject or have difficulties accepting atheism as the bad guys. Some theists may be misguided or any one of a number of other good or bad things, but belief is not the same as behavior. Behavior is what matters.

A in H behaved badly by choosing what s/he knew to be a place with a system to which s/he did not subscribe. The school was clear about what it taught, the writer lied to them and to him/herself. No it's time to cope with the guilt and the disappointment and change course, er, courses.

Stop blaming others for the pressure and walk away from the situation. Nothing says anyone has to "come out" and declare one's faith or lack thereof. It is admirable and difficult to have the good grace to offer opinion when it's appropriate and to keep quiet when it's not. We all can be cruel. Religion - any belief system really - is a convenient weapon to injure people, stifle dissent or distort reality.

I'm an atheist myself, but to argue with my mother, a limited, mean-spirited, right wing Catholic woman (the kind who blockades clinics) who fervently believes she is responsible for my soul, will only hurt her and make her angrier than she already is all the time. Regardless of how badly she behaves, there's no point to my contributing to the intensity of her fury. I gain and the world gains nothing from increasing her misery.

On the other hand, by leaving her be and only standing up for myself and what I believe in when it is appropriate and useful, I get to learn how to be compassionate and I get to have a happier life, one that starts with being kind rather than blind. It's dangerous and self defeating to allow a system - Republican, Democratic, Liberal, Conservative, Vegetarian, Christian, Muslim or atheist - to become more valuable than people.

A in H is stuck trying to use belief systems as a ply to avoid responsibility. It won't work.

Unfortunately in Texas, racism, homophobia, and misogny too often IS religion. It did not used to be this way but fundamentalism has ruined many, many churches and people. The Christian fundamentalists and the Muslim fundamentalists are the same type of people. Sometimes I wish we could put them in an arena and let them fight each other to the death, so that the rest of us could go on and tend to the world's wounds with some semblance of peace.

I have to confess that if my mother's religion was the fundie nut kind, I would have long ago severed my relationship with her. Your mother sounds like more fun than my mother.

I don't usually post letters to Cary's column. I don't usually even read his column, but his response really irked me! I did not read the other letters because I don't have time, so forgive me if someone has already said these things.

Cary, you act as if there are only two ways to be an atheist: a passive, negative way in which one doesn't believe in God but doesn't care if other people do and so keeps his opinion to himself, and a positive, flame-throwing way in which one believes in some kind of ABSURD CARICATURE OF 18TH-CENTURY MATERIALISM, and therefore wants to mock other people's beliefs and burn down churches. You seem to think there are only two alternatives for atheists: remain in the closet or become Richard Dawkins. I am an atheist and neither of these descriptions fits me. I may believe that churches and religious schools teach nonsense, but I don't want to destroy them. I respect the contributions of religion to our culture, even if I also recognize its harmful effects. And yet, just because I respect other people's right to their religious beliefs doesn't mean I think I ought to have to hide my atheism.

Why Cary, why do you imply that in order to respect other people's beliefs atheists should have to pretend they believe the same thing? Why should my being an atheist be perceived as a threat to other people's beliefs? Don't we live in a country with supposed freedom of religious belief? Does this freedom only extend to people who believe certain things? It often seems that way, but obviously such a stipulation would negate the freedom.

I used to feel I had to hide my atheism, too. I used to listen to religious people express their beliefs with patience and then decline to say anything about my own feelings on the subject for fear of offending them. I used to listen to them assault my beliefs, and like a true Christian, turn the other cheek. But why should I not be able to say to them, "I respectfully disagree"?

Isn't it absurd that people who believe in God should feel free to express their feelings on the subject while atheists have to make the difficult decision to live a lie or be rejected by their friends and family? Why should the letter writer be worried about offending his parents with his beliefs while he is tolerant of theirs? Shouldn't his parents have the same obligation to tolerate his beliefs? Why should it be such a big deal to come out as an atheist?

This state of affairs is just wrong. There was a time when Christians perceived Jews' disbelief in Christ as a threat to their beliefs, but, for the most part, Christians and Jews have learned to live together peacefully in this society. But this feeling of being threatened by others' beliefs still remains when it comes to atheists.

This is just wrong, and the only way to change this state of affairs is for atheists to stop hiding and just be honest about their atheism. I'm not talking about being openly hostile to religious beliefs, but just respectfully disagreeing.