Disclaimer: 'm an agnostic, raised by an agnostic father and a Jewish mother. My husband is an atheist, raised by Catholic parents.

I find that busy adults rarely have time to devote to long debates about religious beliefs with those around them...in marked contrast to the explorations of college. I'd like to think that manners and civility take more of a hold over time, but it's probably just an issue of novelty. It's old hat, by now. Rarely have my spouse or I been asked about our religious preferences (or lack thereof) as adults.

Here's my take, unpopular as it might be. I've always believed that a person's personal faith is just that...it's personal. Your relationship (or lack thereof) with God, with Buddha, with the oak in the backyard...is yours alone. It does not require display or public validation. It is a thing for you and you alone. For me, I don't believe that religion is for public consumption. It's a private issue.

Certainly, you should share your beliefs with those you are contemplating making a life with, because they are part of your identity. My husband and I stare up at the stars occasionally and wonder if there's anything out there.

But I consider it a gross invasion of privacy (and manners) to invasively inquire about religion, to proselytize to others, to wring one's hands over the status of someone else's soul, or pry about another's beliefs. For me, I guess it is a nonissue, because it is a very personal thing that should not be intruded upon by strangers. Not all aspects of your identity are open to public inspection.

If somebody asks you about your beliefs, tell them this:

"I'm a very private person, and matters of faith are very personal to me. I am very comfortable and at ease with my path, thank you."

You don't have to discuss it. Why should you have to? This is a matter for your own contemplation, for your own intellect and your own heart.

I am a pastor. I know they don't believe what I believe, and vice versa, but we don't feel the need to sit around saying, 'Yannow, Joe, I think your beliefs are total nonsense." It's important to learn to state what you believe absolutely, not relatively. "I believe you are wrong about the existence of God" is a different sort of statement than, "I don't believe in the existence of God." It requires an different sort of response. If you don't want someone to judge your position, tell them without issuing a judgment of theirs.

But who, really, needs to know? Even as a pastor, I find few situations outside of my own congregation in which I need to proclaim, in words, my own beliefs. If my life isn't sufficient testimony, then claiming to be Christian is counterproductive. You don't need a button. You just need to let your own life tell your own story. In this country we spend far too much time talking about our beliefs, possibly because we don't do a very good job of living them out.

If you believe it is ok for a university to indoctrinate its students into one world view, one mode of thinking, and to demand that those who don't share its world view either change their beliefs or leave, then you are in the right place.

There are many universities that are like this. Some even argue that all universities are like this, either embracing right wing religious beliefs, or left wing liberalism, and that you assimilate or leave. I don't agree with this argument.

I think there are universities out there that encourage exploration of ideas, and developemnt of your own world view. They would reward exactly the sort of self-questioning that Cary encourages you to do. You could get credit for answering his questions, and grow as a person. Isn't that the sort of education you want? Or do you see education as so worthless that you just want to get the piece of paper and leave? If so, you need to find a different university.

So, say you start telling your pals that you're an atheist and they leave. They probably weren't real friends to begin with. The inverse of that is found in a Byrds song:

I won't lose a friend by heeding God's call.

For what is a friend who wants you to fall?

Others find pleasure in things I despise.

I like the Christian life!

If it's good for the Christers, it's good for the atheists as well. You'll find other friends who believe in the same things you do and that will feel good. It's good to build some community around similar core beliefs.

To me, whether you stay at this school should be weighed against how much longer before you graduate. If you have two or more years to go, I'd bail and get into one that doesn't require you to sign a blood oath of allegiance to Jesus.

Telling the folks is a real crap shoot. If you do, there will probably be moaning and gnashing of teeth and they may try to convert you or send you to reprogramming camp. I express my thoughts about religion and Christianity when they come up in the family, but I don't make a big deal of it. When they pray at the table, I sit silently and meditate and I don't say "amen" afterward like everyone else. I'd go to church with my mom if she really wanted to go just to make her happy. The singing is nice, but I wouldn't participate in the creeds or sacraments.

Cary's right - start figuring out your core beliefs and responsibilities and the way will make itself known. Of course, you might be 75 when that happens, but you won't have wasted your life.

Athiest in Hiding,

First off, don't label yourself. By doing that, you set yourself up for attack by allowing people to attribute to you their worst assumptions. You haven't "become" anything different from what you were the day before you decided not to believe in a god. You merely changed some opinions. If you have to have a label, call yourself a "freethinker" or a "skeptic". That is what you are, right? You would be willing to believe in a creator if it's existence could be proven? Secondly, read "The God Delusion" by Richard Dawkins (if you haven't already) as well as "god is not Great" by Christopher Hitchens and "Breaking the Spell" by Daniel Dennett. Those books will help you think through some lingering doubts about belief. Third, join an athiest group. You can get much practical advice by talking to others in your situation. Best of luck!