Letters to the Editor
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I am not an atheist - I am agnostic
But, I am deeply distrustful of religion and how people use religion against each other. I thing it is the height of arrogance to claim there is no God when there is no way to prove it one way or another. Atheism requires faith (belief in the absence of evidence) as much as the people who believe in God.
From my perspective, you don't need to tell anyone. But, you should always strive to be honest with yourself. This will mean not lying about your religion when asked. So, IMO, you must leave your current college where you are living a lie. Beyond this, you don't need to tell your "friends" or parents. People who are your true friends will remain your friends regardless of your religion. And, if your parents will disown you over this, then you are better off without your parents.
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Lying about your religion can be a matter of self-preservation.
If you ask me, lying about your religion (or lack thereof) can be a matter of self-preservation. In the United States, a person's religion is their own business. Therefore it is acceptable to lie about it on a job or college application. The same holds for anyone who asks you to sign something declaring your faith in god. Its an unfair, unreasonable, and unethical question, at least in the context of education and employment. When faced with discrimination and/or unethical behavior by those who hold power over you, lying and avoidance are perfectly reasonable actions.
Feel free to keep lying, guilt free, until you graduate. You are not ethically required to become a martyr.
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Think of it this way...
You could die tomorrow. You will then find out whether you are right or wrong about God. Your parents, school, and friends will never know that you decided at 20 that you were an Atheist.
Or, You could die in a hundred years. Over this century or-so, you could decide at various times to believe in God, or trees like a druid, or adopt some other spiritual belief. W
ould you go in and out of your parents' favor during their life? yes, probably, but probably you will do that anyway (strive to keep the relationship positive through most of their, and your, lives, at any rate). Would you lose friends? Some maybe, but these are people you probably would lose as friends anyway. Would you lose a school, maybe, but to contradict Groucho Marx, you probably wouldn't want to join any club that wouldn't have you, and there are many, many choices of schools.
In ten years, or even five, this last year at college will seem like a blip in your life, no matter where you spend it. That last year of college probably won't stick to you as much as if you spent that year in the Peace Corp, as a Mormon Missionary, or creating a business that Google buys from you for a billion and a half dollars. But, the last year in college can shape you in great ways if you let it.
Don't worry about the school - be a good person after school and they will look good in return for educating you well. Don't worry about the friends - if they are true friends, they will stick with you. Worry about the parents - when you have enough confidence to support your world view with them, do it, and be ready to accept the new relationship as it is.
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The story of my life
I've been an atheist my entire adult life - actually, I was probably an atheist even before I knew I was an atheist, since I think I must have really stopped believing in God around fourth or fifth grade. Anyway, this has always posed a bit of problem for me, because I am the son of a Lutheran minister and a woman who was raised under the Assembly of God (I've often joked that my dad is a minister but my mom was always the religious one - a joke that only makes sense if you know anything about the Assembly of God). Anyway, I continued going to church until I was sixteen - I even taught Sunday school and Vacation Bible School - not out of my own volition, mind you, but because it was what was expected of me. Then, one Sunday, when I was sixteen, I just stopped going. I didn't say anything about my decision: I just stopped. Even now, I bear some guilt about this, because obviously my dad has given his whole life to his faith, and it felt like I should keep going just to support him. But I just couldn't do it. I never explicitly told my parents that I was an atheist, and I always left things ambiguous enough to allow them to maintain whatever illusions they wanted to entertain. At some point, my mother figured out that I didn't believe in God, and I asked her if she thought if I was going to Hell, and she grew very quiet and then said, "Yes." She was very non-judgemental about it, but I knew it was very painful for her to think that her son was going to suffer eternal punishment. Of course, I don't fear hell (since I don't believe in it), but I do feel terrible that my mother's belief in hell makes my atheism a burden on her. (I can't help but think of Stephen Dedalus's refusal to bow and pray for his dying mother in this context.) Since then, my mother and I have had a number of other frank discussions about these issues. She tries to be understanding, but my atheism clearly saddens her, and she still harbors the hope that the "seed" that she and my father have planted will someday bear fruit (her metaphor, not mine) and I will come back to the church. I've made clear that I don't think that's the case, but I always feel that I'm being a bit cruel by doing so. I have to say that I'm a bit fortunate because my parents are the sort of people who don't try to force their beliefs on me, and they continue to love me for who I am - and I shudder to think how things would have turned out if they weren't that way. But even under those circumstances, honesty was hard. Sorry I don't have an answer - just my own story - but I hope this at least gives you some perspective of someone else's experience making this difficult decision. Good luck!