Letters to the Editor
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Cary has atoned for yesterday
I think Cary has atoned for yesterday's atrocious advice. Good for him for calling this woman out for being a total fucking imbecile.
Who lets traveling salesmen into their homes anymore, anyway? Geez, I didn't even know they still existed. My first instinct if one knocked on my door would be "grifter".
Beyond that, I don't know what else to say. My only reaction to this letter, was "What? WHAT??? WHAT??!" Every sentence was worse than the last.
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Don't talk to strangers
It was good advice when you were 5, and it's still good advice when you're 50. I agree that you shouldn't walk around afraid all the time. I'm a pretty naturally friendly person and will strike up conversation with the person standing in line next to me at the store, etc. (not obnoxiously so, I'm also pretty good at taking a damn hint), but as a single female who lives alone, I would never, NEVER let a stranger into my house, and certainly not if I had children to protect. I cannot even begin to fathom what this woman was thinking.
Also, don't sign contracts unless you really want what you're bargaining for and fully understand the terms. I understand that in this circumstance LW was boxed into a corner and signing the contract was the fastest way to get creepy old man out of her house, but christ almighty... LW, I hope you appreciate how lucky you are that the company crazy old man work(ed) for realized just how crazy he was and what a liability he was and not only let you out of your contract, but offered to hold up their end. Lucky you, you found the pot of gold after getting harassed by a creepy old leprechaun. For the safety of yourself and your children, please don't let it happen again.
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Wow
I normally don't read this column or the responses....but for some reason I followed this. And now that i have....Just, wow. I have to say, Cary, you did good today. You gave this woman good advice. My gawd, she seriously needs help. And I worry for her kids.
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Cary's right -- get a lawyer
I understand why LW signed the contract and pretended to go along with the guy. In situations like this sometimes if you openly confront or stand up to a dangerous, crazy, and/or violent person, the whole scenario suddenly escalates. I don't think men understand how vulnerable women feel to violence, and how far we will go to protect ourselves factoring in our usually smaller and weaker physical stature.
I think she's lucky to have escaped with her life, never mind trying to get even more out of the company.
But Cary is right -- consult a lawyer and let them deal with the company. How could the company not know the guy was just a creepy loser? It makes me not trust the company, either.
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Answering the Right Question
Here's an example of Cary doing something very similar to what bothered me yesterday, but doing it exactly right. When people come to you with problems, sometimes the question they are asking is not the question that most needs answering (or even that they most want answered). Often, you have to identify an unspoken underlying issue and address that (while also addressing the articulated question, or else you come off like a pretentious jerk). This involves some inherent value judgments: e.g. What constitutes a serious problem? Who gets to define the problem? It also involves some assumptions about cause and effect. In a face-to-face situation you can have a back-and-forth process in which the person asking for help gets to take an equal role in this, but in an advice column you have such an artificial separation of questioner and answerer that it is easy for things to get out of whack. Which is just to say, Cary, that I sympathize with how difficult it must be to really answer these questions in a deep and meaningful way without letting your own biases take over.
Yesterday, Cary's value judgments seemed to interfere with his ability to provide a sensitive and meaningful answer to the LW. Today he's done something very similar to what he did yesterday, in that he spent most of his time answering a question the LW didn't ask. However, today it seems spot on. This was a question screaming out for an answer. Good work.
I'm curious, though, about why this answer felt "right" while the other one came off all wrong. Thoughts folks?
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National chain, huh?
Sounds like they are employing The Travelers. Ever heard of them? Check the name of that chain carefully and make sure that it is exactly the same as that of the national chain. If there is the slightest diffence in the name, it's a scam. Contact the so-called national chain by an email address that you obtain from the internet -- AND NOT OFF THE PAPERWORK THAT THE OLD JERK GAVE YOU, -- and tell them what has transpired. Above all, don't get greedy and don't let them touch your house until you have cleared everthing with the BBB. Your greed and not just your lack of assertiveness and naivety, makes you vulnerable to a con. Con artists love greedy people.
If this seems, after you research, as not being on the up and up, contact your local police.
Also, don't be ashamed of being intimidated. You've been manipulated by an expert. Make sure that in his foray of your house he did not unlock a window that would allow thieves to gain entrance. Change your locks. Stop thinking of your own financial gain and start thinking about protecting what you have. Maybe the police will accomodate you by driving by your house a bit. You've most likely been had. Don't risk losses bigger than a bit of your self-esteem.
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@ AKA Smith, Re Travellers
Interesting, that was my second thought after the "why did you let him in your house, you idiot?" This is a grift, straight up.
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Don't accept _anything_ from this company...
...until you get a lawyer. I'd bet good money this is a gigantic scam and the company knows full well what their salesman is up to. In fact, it's probably SOP at the place.