Letters to the Editor
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flummoxed, old men, saying no
I agree that when we are confronted with a bizarre situation for the first time, we are often unprepared, cannot accurately locate the danger or figure out the appropriate response. It often just doesn't seem real.
I also agree that old men (perhaps the elderly in general) can get away with a lot. My next-door neighbor, 85 if he's day, "flummoxed" me into allowing him to plant a kiss on my lips!! He is not only old enough to be my father, but to be my grandfather and if he hadn't been, I would not have gone along with the totally unnecessary hug he thought I needed, and that he ended by kissing me on the mouth. And it was not until an hour afterward that I fully felt and understood that boundaries had been overstepped and it was not innocently done.
Still, I know that I have trouble saying no and that this aggravates both of the above factors and that's why Cary's answer was justified in my opinion. Not that a violent father has to be imagined to explain it. I agree with another commenter that women are still too often brought up to avoid conflict. Not just because we are physically weaker but because being pleasant and accomodating is synomous with being virtuous, ladylike and attractive to the opposite sex. There may be even cultural aspects. Like I said, there was no violence in my home but both of my parents taught me by example, instruction and perhaps also by genetic code, to be polite, friendly and deferential to strangers and acquaintances. (With family you can be yourself.)
In the LW's case, what gives me pause is the question she asks at the end. I agree with a previous commenter that it is disturbing. Not only does it seem to miss the whole point of the experience, but once again, the LW doesn't know what to do. Her lawyer friend says demand more, so she thinks she should demand more. She comes across as alienated from her own judgment, swayed by the opinions and desires of others, at a loss. I would say, LW, in addition to considering Cary's words and the warning of other commenters about cons, you need to get (back?) in touch with yourself and what you think is important, right, and worth sticking up and or fighting for.
PS. I so much enjoyed AKA Smith's suggestions for how to respond to salesmen and the like! Hee hee hee. Unfortunately, I can seldom be that direct, but when a man came by wanting to sell products to clean my carpets, and responded to my "no thank you" with inquiries as to how I then preferred to clean my carpets I told him geefully that I preferred to leave them dirty. He was thereupon too flummoxed to continue and went away peacefully.