I went through something similar during the past year. My hard drive crashed, and I lost everything. Only I had never backed it up. And I was absolutely devastated.

The worst part was the lectures, the tsk tsk tsk from people who responded to my grief by lecturing me about the importance of backing up my data. Like I hadn't already learned that lesson in the worst possible way. Yet when I questioned my friends about their own computers, most admitted that they only backed up twice a year, or they only backed up certain things. If their computer crashed tomorrow, it would not be okay. Very few people back up everything, all the time.

But you did -- you bought an external hard drive, and you backed up your data. You did what something like 90% of Americans never do.

Some might say that you should have known to keep your back up hard drive in another building. But come on. Who does that? How many people seriously back up everything on their computers and then take the drive or disks to a secure location away from their homes??

Do not blame yourself for this. You did the right thing. You were prepared. You lost your data because an anonymous douchebag violated you, stole from you. The theif is the only person responsible here. It's his (or her) fault, not yours.

No matter what anyone says, there is nobody in America who would be just fine if their home were burglarized tomorrow. No matter how many precautions we take, nobody is prepared for that kind of violation. So please don't blame yourself.

And, man... I feel your pain. I still start to look for one of my old documents, and then I remember...

First, I'm sorry that happened. It really sucks to be robbed. I've had it happen to me, and my feelings of safety and privacy were truly violated on many levels. It took quite awhile to move on from it.

So, yes, you'll need some time to move on, and you shouldn't really put a limit on it at this point. Just let yourself heal.

As to the laptop, I've lost large portions of my masters thesis in a computer crash. I've lost important papers that I can never get back. Man, it is no fun.

Just remember that all of that stuff you lost--the papers, the experiences, the novels, etc.--all of it came from you. And you are still here. So, while you may not be able to recreate all of those things that you lost, exactly as they were, you can create new papers and new novels and new photos of friends because you still have you. Heck, have a "New Photo Party." Invite all your friends and take tons of pictures. Have your friends take tons of pictures. Get your friends to give you copies of the photos from events you now have no photos for.

Oh, and for backing up, e-mail yourself all your papers and photos etc. That way, they are in the Internet ether for a very long time and can be retrieved fairly reliably.

Maybe it will help to hear someone else say it: It really was that bad. A terrible thing happened to you.

I've been lucky so far - although almost every one of my neighbors have been robbed, and my parents have been robbed, I haven't been. But I've had my car stolen four times. Having someone steal from you is a terrible feeling even when what's taken isn't very important. It just feels bad knowing there's someone mean in the world, someone mean who reached out and messed with your life. The last time my car was stolen, the police recovered it, but the thieves had nabbed my car mascot, a three dollar stuffed cat with green and purple stripes who used to sit on the refrigerator. (Yeah, I have a fridge in my car. I recommend it to people who eat out a lot and take leftovers home.) Car, no problem. My insurance would have paid for it. Stuffed cat - well, that cat had a lot of memories attached to it. My niece and I drove up to Canada together, and she kept us entertained by making the cat dance to the radio.

And that's just over a stuffed cat. My computer - jeeeezus. It would be like having my house burn down. Not to mention the invasion of privacy. Someone out there knows what you looked like on your birthday and who your friends are.

So. I'm sorry your friends don't get it. It really is that bad and you're well within your rights to be upset. Just because there are people dying in Darfur doesn't mean what happened to you wasn't bad. A cold doesn't compare to cancer, but it still makes you feel rotten.

And don't beat yourself up over the backup copy. Very few people have the wherewithal to swap current backups in and out of their safe deposit boxes.

The reason we document - writing things down, taking photos, etc. - is because we can't hold it all in our heads. We need those things to help up remember where we came from, to bring it all back with clarity, and to construct the kind of narrative (such as a dissertation) that we couldn't come up with simply by thinking about it and writing it all down one day. All that data was a document of you, a zip drive of the mind, if you will (does anyone use those anymore?), storing the things you don't have enough room for on your internal disc. It's good to put it in perspective, as you've been trying to do, but I think it's a loss worth mourning, and one you might feel for awhile.

Did anyone read the recent New Yorker article about the man with terrible amnesia? It's an extreme example of how losing one's memory is tantamount to losing oneself, "like being dead," the subject of the piece says.

http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2007/09/24/070924fa_fact_sacks

Somehow I think if all these pictures and documents had been in paper form, you'd feel more justified in the devastation of losing them. It's the fact of them being digital that makes them seem like so much nothingness, something that should be easier to get over.