We were in very much the same situation as you. A house we loved, a very convenient neighborhood, neighbors we loved (godparents of our son). The problem was that it was just a bit crowded, and we have a daughter with Aspergers who had frequent meltdowns.

We consulted an architect, and the cost to add would not get us the space we needed at a reasonable cost. We also would be out-building the neighborhood.

We ended up finding a bigger home within 5 minutes of our old house (it took us over 6 months to find the right one). It was like the whole family breathed a sigh of relief when we moved. And with our kids getting physically bigger and bigger we appreciated it even more as time went on.

I thought I would miss our old house dreadfully, but I was too busy enjoying the easier family dynamics. I also felt the guilt about getting a bigger house when we really didn't NEED one. I still feel a bit strange about it. I'm still so glad we moved. Maybe we did NEED it.

Now the kids are heading away to college, and the house is getting a bit too large. We'll move again one of these days.

Best wishes on your decision.

I was wondering what the weather is like where the LW is. The treehouse would be really cool, but not really add much living space for 9 months of the year here in Chicago.

I related to your letter - ADD son, small house, great neighborhood. Adding on to the house would be expensive and living through renovations, painful. Moving to another house in this neighborhood (unless the market really drops) would stretch us to the point where we would feel that we might have to sacrifice other important things like retirement and college funding.

So it's a dilemma. The trees sound really lovely, but it sounds like you can afford to spend more and can afford to take your time until you find the right place on the right lot. Or maybe you'll find a great house on a small lot right next to a park.

We didn't make the decision to not buy until we spent a lot of time looking at places in our price range and imagining the trade-offs and imagining ourselves in the new house. We decided that we could work with what we have for a while with some changes. Maybe that's what Cary had in mind with the treehouse and carport (or you could build a garage - they aren't that expensive). But I think you need to get out and look at some houses and have that experience of imagining yourself there, first.

I mean that literally. I have a house in a charming neighborhood in Austin Texas. All the houses at one time were one story. Now most are 2 story, as families found ways to build up and out rather than move from the neighborhood they love (a neighborhood chock full of mighty oaks and other noble trees, I might add). Now we have this lovely old neighborhood that is family-oriented and architecturally pleasing to the eye, the houses melding with the surroundings rather than conquering them - something that is virtually unknown in the McMansion neighborhoods of many of the burbs you have to go to for bigger homes.

Cary's advice is good - when you have something great, build on that. There are many ways to effect change, even when you stay in the same place.

Except for the terribly unsafe fact that any 3-year-old and or 6-year-old should not be left alone in a treehouse while the parents enjoy their tranquility, it's a really good idea. Of course, one parent at a time could go and hide out there while the other watches the kids inside the house.

LW should turn on HGTV for a week or so to get some ideas about how to turn inefficient houses into happy homes. There's all kinds of add-on ideas, conversion ideas, alternate usage ideas that make the house bigger and better -- even things like color schemes that have calming effects, furniture arrangements that allow kids to run around without hurting themselves,materials that are kid-proof, etc. Then definitely talk to some interior design/architectural types who have experience in creating homes for rowdy kids.

Not to be seen as anti-tree house -- I'm not -- but that's not really going to solve the problem. The family needs more space. And as interesting as complex tree houses may be, they're not going to pay for themselves when resale time comes.

Surely the oak trees in your back yard aren't the only oak trees in town? Find a bigger house, but one with trees. It may take a year or so to really find the right house, but a larger house will appreciate more if you are careful not to pay too much, and can be "improved" with a tree house, just like your current house. And even if your kid's ADD gets better, as your kids get older, that house is going to get smaller and smaller.

1. As a kid, especially in adolescence, I would much much much rather have had more space and privacy than a big backyard with big oaks, a trip to Europe, or a private school education. I grew up in a house that was big enough by objective standards, but the acoustics sucked so everyone in the house could always tell where everyone else was and what they were doing. I felt like I could never fully let my guard down, which ultimately was the source of the vast majority of the tension between me and my parents. I moved out of that house almost 10 years ago, but even now I still find myself rejoicing in the fact that I can make a phone call or try on all the clothes in my closet or spend half an hour in the bathroom inspecting my pores without anyone interrogating me about why I'm doing that. Plus, as I'm sure you've learned from your dealings as an adult with your own parents and siblings, it's much easier to get along with your family when everyone can retreat to their own space afterwards, and decompress unobserved. And I'm sure if you're feeling the space pressure now, your kids will feel it even more as they enter adolescence.

2. I totally see where you're coming from with the comment about sending the kids down to the basement, but you need to stop thinking in those terms right now. Why? Because the kids will pick up on it - they live with you 24/7, even if you don't talk that way in front of them you will slip eventually - and that will only be bad for your relationship and your family harmony. Think about the emotional turmoil of early adolescence, then think about how it would feel at that age knowing that your parents want to send you down to some deep dank smelly spidery basement because you're too annoying, despite the fact that you didn't even ask to be born or stuck in this family.

From this moment on, it's not about sending the kids down to the basement. It's about giving them their own fun and friendly space. It's about creating a room of their own where they can have some privacy from the prying eyes of grownups. After all, the living room and the dining room are all set up for the grownups to entertain grownups, so it's only fair to have a space for the kids to entertain other kids, especially since you'll be living in this new house with all this extra space. And, of course, you and your husband will be happy to stay upstairs and have boring grownup conversation so the kids can have some time and space to themselves.

Start talking, and even thinking if possible, in those terms. The end result will be the same - you and your husband will be able to have a conversation while the kids play elsewhere - but it will stop your children from sensing that you want to get rid of them and poisoning your relationship at a time when (especially with your older daughter) it's very important for them to feel they can trust you.