and most important, brush your teeth...

Get a dog. He'll welcome you home, give you the comfort of a warm body to put your arms around. You'll exude less desperation, and attract a better class of person. Also, people are more likely to come up and talk to you if you have a dog. And if you're thinking about taking Cary's advice to ask some random person to be your friend, which strikes me as unlikely to work out very well, having a dog with you will be a definite advantage, not to mention the fact that he won't think any less of you when the person withers you with a look.

Also, maybe you should hire a high class prostitute, just once, just to see what it's like. I know people around here are likely to get sanctimonious about this suggestion, but really, it's a moot question who's exploiting who in that situation. I'm not suggesting it as a long term solution to anything. I just think you should try it once, some Sunday, instead of going to church. God probably won't hold it against you, in my opinion, and it'll be a secret you can hold against the world that thinks it knows you from a single glance. Maybe it'll spur you to try something else weird another time.

Even if these things don't bring you friends, they'll make the loneliness more interesting for awhile. You feel like an exception, it sounds like, but there are lots of us out there. We just don't talk to each other. If we did we wouldn't be us, which might be a good thing, and then again it might not. Life is an odd business and who knows what's really going on? Not me.

For Loneliness: Go to a Toastmasters Club. Toastmasters is an organization for learning public speaking. Every city has several clubs. Usually, they meet once per week for an hour or two, and you really learn how to speak. It is much more entertaining than TV.

Also, maybe profound, maybe irrelevant: Cary said dating involves identifying as a member of the same tribe. But that is wrong. You need to marry OUTSIDE your tribe, to promote genetic health within the tribe.

Finally, for meeting girls and success in life: Send your shirts to the cleaners, and get medium starch. Everybody will notice how crisp you look all the time, as opposed, even, to the guys whose wives iron their shirts. The wives, even, may start wanting to get under your shirts.

LW, seven years ago my wonderful partner could have written your letter, word for word. With the exception of one 7-month relationship with a woman completely unsuited to him (she ended it), he hadn't had a girlfriend since university. Internet dating was a bust. He made friends with women, and then they went out with other men. He was lonely as hell and contemplating moving to New Zealand. His sister had decided he was gay.

Figuring that he hadn't had any luck since university, he did a rather sensible thing. He went back to university, part-time, at the age of 30. He thought he might meet someone in one of his classes. After one term, he wound up in my class. My class, as in, I was teaching it. What happened next is a long, long story, but let's just say that here was this guy who couldn't get a date to save his life, and it didn't take more than a few weeks before I found him completely and utterly irresistible. The feelings were mutual. He's a bit of an odd fellow, in a sweet, brainy way, and I was the first woman who "got" him. We're celebrating our fifth anniversary next month, and we're ridiculously happy.

As I said, no concrete advice. Couldn't say if going back to school works for everyone. I think that meeting someone in a no-dating-pressure situation does help--I'm not sure I would have given my man the time of day if someone had set me up with him. My point is merely that if there was hope for him, there's hope for you. Good luck.

except i've been reading all the female writers-in and nodding my head with THEIR woes. Something is going on these days... I'm in my early 20s, decent-looking, well-read, funny, etc, love dogs and the beach and watching movies on the living room floor with a pizza... but alas, I too cannot find someone I'd like to spend all my time with. MY problem is that I'm never content with the people i'm dating. I wonder what it is you do when you go out. I always feel like the denominator is me -- because I stop answering phone calls when I realize I dont feel the thing. I've felt the thing, I know what it is, but i can't find it anymore. What's going on, when we have all these nice attractive single people eating pizza with their dogs on Friday nights?

Only you don’t know it yet, and you’re so young! Believe me, in five years, many of your married friends will be getting divorced, having affairs, etc

Stay with the long view. Scrap the timeline that is taunting you. One day, and you have no idea when, you’ll connect with that special girl.

Keep doing what you’re doing! But ditch the results-oriented dating approach, a recipe for disappointment.

You’re on the right track, it’s just that some times, the flower that blooms late is the most beautiful of all (Apologies for using a such a lame cliché)!

Really, it’s gonna happen and will be worth the wait. Cary’s right. No worries. Do your thing!

But your friends who hooked up too early will be asking you for advice as they try to figure out the mess they find themselves in.

I suggest a few things. I, also, took awhile to become a "couple" and at 37 am getting married for the first time. I realized it was because I was too picky - knocking of guys after the first date for a number of small infractions. Kinda like Seinfeld (She had man hands!)

Here are my thoughts:

1) It sounds as if you have a healthy single life, and that's great. Women are attracted to men who are confident and happy with themselves. Keep it up!

2) Don't be picky - look for the diamond in the rough. She may not be exactly what you are looking for the first date, but by date 10 you might be crazy for her, and she of you.

3) Examine your expectations - are they too high? Be reasonable about your own level of attractivenesses and what the same level of woman would be equal

4) Ask a trusted friend to be brutally honest. Kind of like What Not To Wear on TLC- tell them to list your flaws that can be improved (poor dressing, self absorbed conversations etc.) If your friends won't do it, find a match maker who will.

5) Honestly take a look at the vibes you are putting out on your dates. Are you really putting yourself out there? Or do you project neediness, loneliness, desperation, cockiness, whatever. I've found that when I was in the same space you are, I was not my confident wonderful self and that was not good on first dates.

6) Be okay with being single. Not everyone finds a mate and you have to be ok with that.

7) Oh, and are you looking for a "soulmate"? I'm not convinced that exists. I'd suggest you instead, look for a companion - someone who gets you and that you can have a good partnership. No need for fireworks and passion - trust and enjoyment will last you a lifetime.

Best of luck. You sound like a great guy and take it form me, a 37 year old first time bride, your companion will turn up.